This has been a long few weeks. Weeks in which I had many decisions to make, some of which required instant decisions. I am a Virgo, Moon in Capricorn and Aquarius rising. I tend to take time in making my decisions. Research the variables and see if there is an easier, more fruitful way in which to navigate to a conclusion.
Many of you also had decisions to make in the past few weeks. Surely, some more life-changing vital than mine. These tests and decisions, are equal to the amount of wisdom you currently hold and, many times, thinking there is no answer, no resolution, are usually the ones that drag us from current reality, onto a new path, which we do not see a direction or a road sign on.
I took my car in for an oil change and the angels who have worked on it, discovered that my head gasket was shot. So shot, that both engine gaskets were replaced along with the timing chain. It was a first, for me, and my lovely Subaru, which I bought brand new, a few years ago, required instant surgery. I had a choice that day: to drive it home, and let it sit, knowing at any moment it could self-destruct any remaining engine parts, or get it fixed now. Being the, I-change-the-oil-every 3,000 miles, type, of caretaker, my sweet car had surgery. Thousands of dollars worth of surgery. Thousands ;)
Then, a few days later, my new health insurance bill arrived for 900.00. What to do? I thought about living without health insurance for a few months. Writing my book, walking along the beach everyday, the possibility of a major health issue did not seem probable. I have been cancer free now for 11 years. My teeth are in good shape. I am not dating anyone, so I did not foresee any type of complication from intimate relationship snafus. What could go wrong? I could go without it for a while.
The argument for not sending off the money was simple. I had bought a ticket for the 25th August, Hollywood Bowl Concert which Jason Mraz and Nancy Wilson were going to perform for me(and thousands of others). They would entertain me at on a lovely, star-studded evening in LA. It was my birthday present to myself. It was a reward for working on my book all summer. It was a way to escape and enjoy two wonderful performers, dazzling the crowd with Gershwin melodies, in perfect weather, at the Hollywood Bowl, a place I had always wanted to see a concert at in this lifetime. I had bought the ticket months ago.
The Seattle-LA flight would be around 400.00, the hotel-400, parking, cabs, food--well at least 1,000 dollars, for 2 nights of pleasure and release, from current life and work. Being a Virgo, however, sitting at home 2 hours before the insurance payment had to be postmarked, I began to look at the long-term possibilities, of not having health insurance. Thinking about my last surprise operation, which cost 53,000, of which my output was only 500.00, thanks to this insurance policy, I began to weigh the reality of a far-fetched, future, health emergency possibility.
Of course, it all had to do with the fact that I really wanted to go to the concert. Needed to get away for a few nights. I had even decided what I would wear that night, when I left the hotel. How I would go up to the Planetarium and ride along Canyon Road, the day before the concert, looking at the beauty, the palm trees, that California which takes your breath away sometime. Spago's, was also on the list for a glass of the Hine "Triomphe," Grande Champagne Cognac. I had not been there since my sister headed to Honduras, years earlier. I was still alive and wanted to celebrate my upcoming birthday on 9/9.
I wanted, wanted, wanted to go see the show. Watch Mraz sing his ever-loving showmanship voice out with Nancy Wilson.
Writing out the insurance check, driving down to the post office, I began to make deals with myself. It was 15 minutes before the PO closed. If I got there and it was closed, then that was a sign. I sat there in the car, holding the envelope, as people came in and out of our little, village post office. Alas, the door never closed. Getting out of the car, I walked in and our post mistress smiled at me, as I hesitated handing her the envelope twice. She said, "Danise, are you sure you want to send this?". I said, "NO. If I don't mail this, I can go to Hollywood and see a great concert in 3 weeks." She looked at the well-known health insurance company's name.
She looked at me and smiled. I knew in that moment, as she did, that sometimes being an adult, doing the wise thing, hurts. I even called my sister and asked her if I did the right thing. Yes, of course it was, but it still sucks. So, the ticket is on eBay now. Here is the link, which still pains me to look at now. http://bit.ly/cpWc6H
Last night, I asked the universe why my car engine blew up, and why I did that right thing and paid for my health insurance. There was no voice coming through telling me I did the right thing. However, as I gazed across the Puget Sound, the sun was red. It was such a magnificent color, I had to walk off the deck and get closer to it. I had not seen a deep red sun in ages. I remembered that all the smoke from the Canadian wild fires had reached us 2 days earlier.
Hundreds of people had lost land, pets, farm animals, loved ones.
I had only lost a 2 day trip to LA. As I walked across my property, I smiled at the house. It was on a solid piece of granite. The forest and trees were all healthy and my roses were blooming, the apple trees and pear trees were just getting ready to come into their full, fruitful abundance, and my car, was sitting there, happy again, and my roses are so deliciously fragrant. I am blessed and breathing fresh, invigorating, mountain-sea air on my little piece of heaven.
I smiled at it all. I looked up into the evening sky and said a prayer of gratitude and a prayer that those who are in the Hollywood Bowl on August 25th have a glorious, high-spirited time. I blessed all and let go. It was all I could offer for the abundance and beauty before me.
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