©Danise Codekas, 2012 All Rights Reserved
“Live, travel, adventure, bless, and don't be sorry.”-Jack Kerouac
Whoosh, things change fast sometimes. The part which becomes annoying is when it all changes and there is nothing on the horizon.
That’s the space I put myself in recently. This 4 month self-test I put myself in is ongoing and being on the road is part of it. If I hold onto something now, it changes quickly.
There are no negatives as I am creating each experience because it is time to generate the new awareness which has become…sorry I am now watching a man smoke a little cigar inside a restaurant that is no smoking. He is daring the establishment, with the smug look on his face. I am still watching as people begin to notice.
At this point in time, anything can happen and it will. Something has been accomplished here in the Southwest these last months, in that, I realized once again I can go anywhere in the world and survive, make friends, observe and interact in ways which uphold my self respect.
“What's in store for me in the direction I don't take?”-Jack Kerouac
Man, I have had some hard knocks, as a traveler, a friend and a woman, however each of those experiences were created by me as a test of myself and understanding of human and animal behavior.
This should come as no surprise given the origin of the word, Travel from the 13th century French word Travail. once again, I just needed to look back into my family lineage to realize why travel is so glorious and so life-changing, so torturous to the soul, and so incredibly needed in order to understand oneself and others.
“Middle English, from Anglo-French, from travailler to torment, labor, journey, from Vulgar Latin *trepaliare to torture, from Late Latin trepalium instrument of torture, from Latin tripalis having three stakes, from tri- + palus stake — more at pole”.—Webster
The list of topics I hit on include men, women, friends, radical change, death, trust, miraculous, kindness, my relationships with men in the past, family, relocation and my favorite, letting go of many people and experiences which no longer serve what I am headed toward at this point in my life.
Watching humans create chaos or bliss in their loves is fascinating. Luckily, I have had a front seat in so many new homes, relationships and once-in-a-lifetime meetings, I know I headed in the right direction when I came down here.
I do not intend to stay very long here now, and wherever I head, will be a short stay probably with family while I regroup for a few weeks. Every thing I sought here I have found, even though those things were not anything that I was looking for when I first started out.
Time and timing is important and there are only so many minutes left in my life. Choosing each step along the way consciously is impossible when I place myself in the hands of the universe. Sometimes I just need to trust and take a step into the unknown.
People are asking me what i am going to do. When I do it, you will know. The Land of Enchantment was never more than a stop along the way. The destination of heart is not on any map, and when I get there, hopefully I will recognize it.
Next Sunday is my birthday and it also the same week day I was born on. I think that comes around only so often in a person’s life, I think this will be the last one that occurs for me, this lifetime.
So, I will enjoy it and celebrate the impossible, as this journey proves the impossible is possible, as long as I listen to that all-knowing voice inside. Laugh, sure, however, one thing I am sure of,always not listening to that voice, never brought me love, contentment or peace. Never.
This journey has been a stream of 1/2 the desire manifesting. 1/2 of what I wanted in living situation,work, writing arrived for me. The other half of that perfection did not.
I walked into the room, filled with 1/2 the things I wanted and the door was locked to the other half. A curious situation and what were the reasons 1/2 did not arise? Because that was the half I needed to understand if it was important/not important at this point in my life.
Also, I did not see/get the other half because I am no longer interested in that type of energy, situation, or silence, about what I think I need now. Demand that Life brings the things you need, however, be aware, like love, the quiet transformative gifts which arrive, for you, are always surprises. If you cannot handle them, it was not love, or the right job or the right way. They were what you needed, in order to become aware of who you are now.
We all have expectations for our perfect lives and loves. Yet, life is about seeking the unknown and acting with the tools and understandings you have in your heart, soul and mind now. I walked into a man’s house and he had pictures of women all over the house.
The movie stars, the mother scenes, the woman lying half out of a bath. His ideas of perfection of the female form and energy.
The problem with those daily pictures which are viewed all the time, is they do not allow for the real one he may be looking and hoping for to enter. No one woman can fulfill the fantasy, the illusion. So, men remain alone, grow old, have indifferent affairs and remain alone.
I see it again and again. Hell, I was becoming one of the women who are exactly emulating the men, and then I stopped years ago.
“Life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone.”-Jack Kerouac
I took all the requirements off my list and left only one. He has to love the mornings. Also, I realized I have never dated a blond or a redhead. Hmm,so what does that mean?
Nothing. There is no reason. These things have nothing to do with hair color. It has to do with experiences I call into my life, because it is time to deal with them. They just always had dark hair. So there it is.
“The only truth is music.”-Jack Kerouac
