Thursday, July 21, 2011

Trying to Understand

Everything is connected... no one thing can change by itself.

~ Paul Hawken

copyright2011, Danise Codekas

Last night the Beatles were playing in the park. Actually, 4 guys who go by the name Abbey Road, and played after the farmer’s market to a crowd of 300+ residents, friends and family.

Remarkably, the drummer has the best voice and he was also British, or maybe Australian, but the accent was there. Paul, John and George should have let him take the lead on all the songs. A reverse incarnation for Ringo would suit.

Something about hearing old, familiar tunes that everyone knows, and the largest dance jam, yet, for the summer concert series, arose, and rocked out through the 90 minute concert, above Puget Sound,  and below V formations of Canadian Geese and soaring Eagles, above.

I turned to my friend and asked, “Is this all there is?”, which was a very philosophical question, that welled up, after they played Back in the USSR. The great life changing question is a precursor to a new design for my life. The daily events are coalescing into a huge, super-conscious download which I have been reaching for all my life, and I am watching my moments closely now.

I know you all have been reading me and I enjoy the feedback you send me in emails and phone calls. There are things that I have to do on my own and this change that has been coming to me, has arrived and all I can say is I bought the ticket and waiting for the spaceship to show up that will whisk me into an entirely, self-created newness. I cannot tell you what or where it will be, however, it involves writing, music and a new place, somewhere, not here.

People change and forget to tell each other.-~ Lillian Hellman

I am in the eternal, cosmic,void of consciousness change. It comes as my meditations deepen, my attachments lessen, and my understanding of what I need to do--write the secrets in my heart, and capture those sentences, which come down from above. That unknowable, eternal center of the universal mind, inspire and feed my unquenchable needs to reveal unnamable ideas, on a laptop screen, a blue lined paper tablet, or on a blank cover, on a matchbook.

The blank cover of a matchbook holds 2 book titles, that revealed themselves to me in the middle of a 7-11, one night, as I went in to pay for gas.

I am more than my words, deeper than the explanations of those mystics ,and holy men and women who gave me information about those things, of spirit I have constantly sought and write of  or allow to seep into my stories and manuscripts, now.

If I were to say what ended most of my relationships. with men, I would have to say that they lacked the desire to pursue their own mysticism. They did not seek the unknowable of the universe. You have to be brave to pursue the unknowable.

There are no warning signs in a dark jungle except the sound of something rustling beyond you. I froze in the Ecuadorian jungle one night, at the same moment realizing the writing I was doing was causing the same fear to arise. I had to keep walking to get out of the jungle. I have to keep writing to get out the words. It is who I am.

Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life.~ Herbert Otto

I need to seek that unknowable. A man who does not understand my desire and passion, and who does not thirst to know what this cosmic, extraordinary, ever evolving creation, we all are held in, would not stay with me, nor I with him. Hence, here I am alone, again, walking across the planet.

How can I honor a relationship, with a man who does not seek, see, and know there is more to his body, things, or life’s work? He becomes a finite mind; not and infinite possibility for me. He must seek infinity and the answer to his being.

All those broken, creative, exciting, challenging relationships you or I have had that no longer exist, as once they did, through our passionate embraces, or wild longings, could never have worked for the simple reason that your soul and my soul were seeking something more.

The people we were with did not have that same passion and desire to know what is going on, in the universe, and what it is that is creating, every new moment in our breaths.

Giving us the words, the sounds, the miracles of its presence reveled through our dreams, our writings, lyrics, poetry, dances, sculptures, musical notes, and brush strokes on canvas.

Whoever undertakes to create soon finds himself engaged in creating himself. Self-transformation and the transformation of others have constituted the radical interest of our century, whether in painting, psychiatry, or political action.~ Harold Rosenberg

I stopped believing that my relationships ended because someone lied, cheated or just was not interested in me or visa versa. Last night, in communion with all that is, while listening to music, a cosmic laugh from the universe blew me out of my chair at the concert, whisked me off the the heavenly, blue field sky, and I knew those important men of my past,  were only touchstones on my path of seeking. All important, all my choosing.

We were on a path together, seeking an answer to our existence, our next direction, for a while. Then we needed someone else and the universe would send somebody, when there was only a thread to hang onto sometimes, in my life. What about you? When did the universe send you somebody, when you were stranded and just ready to come apart?

Our desire to know more about the unknowable, that energy which keeps all patterns, molecules, and paradigms in place as the universe, changed for us both.

I wanted to change the world. But I have found that the only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself.~ Aldous Huxley

I left, again, on my flying, winged journey, through time and mystical meanderings, and they went their way. Most of my relationships ended because they  did not understand my need to seek.

I feel universal power, flowing through me,  in everything I do. I know that all religions and ancient wisdom-keepers seek It too.

I have met great teachers, gurus, saints, mystics, healers and shamans. They proved that what I sought was the greatest adventure. A most worthy one that a human could pursue.

Where do the words come from?

The ecstatic body surges in meditation, chanting, reciting mantras, that arise from the floor through my body, or the wooden canoe paddle ,when gliding in silence, at sunset across a blue-shirred, frog chorused lake.

Overwhelming waves of love sent across the cosmos hit me, and I let them flow through me, to you and the universe, last night from Steilacoom.

Where do those come from, friend? We all have them. Where does love come from? The source of IT?

I have been sure since I was a little girl that I was sent here to be happy. It was the last thing whispered in my soul before I arrived in this Cosmos. I know this for sure.

My ever challenging, changing, whirling void that I am swimming in, toward the waterfall, that sweeps me over the edge, into a new pool of energetic, fulfilling words, places, friends and lovers, is encapsulating my days, enchanting my nights, writing my poetry.

I talk to spirits and energies, in prayers, Tibetan chants, mantras and dances in the moonlight,  that drift across the Cosmos, to uplift and comfort. Travel, writers and poets, musicians, artists, mystics, philosophers, scientists, ecologists, and farmers inspire me to soul-reaching depths,which pour out on pages and pages of paper, and 0 1 computer codes, from my right hand,  that you can read here. I am changing, and I cannot describe who I am becoming and am not afraid. Thought I should warn you.

All things must change to something new, to something strange.

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Like my Greek ancestors’ creation of Alpha and Omega, the search for the beginning and end of all, this laptop and all that it does is only a transformer for Zero and One, 0 1. We are 0 and 1, in our cosmic makeup. All our creations come from something and are released into the Void which holds IT all.

They must often change who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.~ Confucius

Friday, July 15, 2011

Gazing into Infinity

copyright2011, Danise Codekas

It might seem a little strange to be reminded about how great life is, even though, the soul walks through valleys of travails and unexpected, personal challenges. Today I was reminded about the perfect timing of the universal consciousness as I spent the day on a native reservation, looking at a herd of deer, with their new born babes frolicking across fields at the base of mountains, which lie beneath the Bering Sea, and touch Russia.

I began to feel lighthearted again. Powerful and lighthearted, as is my natural state and yours. Sometimes I have to fold into myself, and be alone. In truth, though, I take all you with me. That is the way of the world. We are all in this together, however, there are mountains, valleys and oceans and abilities separating us all. Yet, we are all here, together.

Whenever I begin a new practice, which involves re-vamping my entire physical and spiritual behavior, things change quickly. Paying more attention to food, exercise, meditating, and re-visiting spiritual gurus, monks and mystics, helps to shoot me into an entirely new level of personal power and my life’s mission moves along a bit quicker, with very little left behind to wonder about, as the past gets let go and the moment is all that matters and is relished and honored in wonderful, open ways.

Meditating daily, walking, writing, dancing and chanting mantra’s brings me back to the source and the true nature of the universe. It contacts the source of all, the creator and destroyer of the universe. The Shiva Shakti of evolution and the unlimited source of creativity. It is a no shit connection with that which is true, and makes me sometime yell out,

Holy Shit, I cannot believe how good I feel when I do those things which brings me to myself.   It makes no different how long goes by, the breathing, mantras, yoga, tai chi, Celtic dancing all pull up energy from the center of earth and being and connects to the energy falling into my body, mind, singing powerful soul songs into my heart.

9368df4e-heavenly

The earthquake under the English Channel, today, is a precursor of things to come. A group of investigators left the US for England, today, to find out why the number of Crop Circles in the UK has increased dramatically in the past few months. Sightings of many are now being reported by the BBC, which include numerous reports from commercial airline pilots and passengers.

Usually, they show up if there is going to be a big earth event, in order to balance off the energy displaced when a major geological precursor event kicks things off, like today’s earthquake. Glad I was not on Eurostar under the Chunnel. Oh, we never talked about UFO”s? Well, get a grip. I have seen things of great power, magnitude and speed up above me, or along the horizon, as I am sure you have too. Just don’t talk about it too much. Isn’t life incredible?

I am undergoing some big changes now. They come from me burrowing in to the spiritual, for a while. Me releasing the past and letting go of things which have been holding me down, were not being used, and my art, my writing is demanding full time focus, laced with self-creative expression with the cosmic forces.

I am re-reading some of the Vedas, opening the 4 Agreements again, and researching some ancient archeological connections to the Black Madonna, which I spent a lot of time on seeking in Argentina, France, Canada and Mexico. And why do I have this urge to go to Portugal and Crete? Crete, has always been on the list. Portugal? Hmm. Lisbon.

I find, as you may in your daily mediations, chanting, praying, that the more you focus and do it, the more incredible resolutions to issues appear, or whispers from above come and say, go here, don’t go there. Move there, don’t move there. Crazy sounding am I? You expected another communication sociologists’ view on the latest Harry Potter movie? [“They” say it is good]. I am going for a walk on the beach in the rain, instead.

Sorry, today, is a day to dwell with the divine, the holy, the reasons for living, the reasons for staying or going. Connecting with those of like-minded awareness. Upheaval, change, wiping away the past, embracing the present, and leaping onto a slow wave heading into the sunset of my dreams. lake_moraine

Standing here alone, thousands of feet above the planet’s floor, I know my power, my oneness, and I melt into absolute oneness with all that is, was and will be forever. I breathe, float into the sky, and touch infinity.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Re-arranged by Our Hearts and Souls

copyright2011, Danise Codekas

“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.” – Albert Einstein

Thank God, Einstein had such a great sense of humor. I cannot imagine what his mind was like with all those numbers and equations running around, however, I do know it was a simple mind filled with great wisdom.

This past week it felt as if everything was happening at once. The changes I desire are being created in a way I had not expected. I think I am on the hot seat these past few months, which is burning my butt, big time. There is a raging going on that is going to cause me to pull up roots, relocate and finally become the change I seek. I cannot believe that LA is looking interesting, as a relocation spot. I would have to be at the beach, or up Topanga Canyon, somewhere. Think I could find a nice spot at Malibu?

Oh, this is crazy says the calm woman, who has walked through hell a few times. The woman who has taken off for places unknown, alone, and trekked into mountain villages and sat in quiet seas, smiling at the setting sun, even though her past had been ripped too quickly from her, weeks before.

Making the changes in quiet, without telling anyone works really well, usually. It is not like I have anyone to report to on the planet, except those I love, and they know that the unexpected sometimes generates unlikely expected results in their understanding of my life’s path.

If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.” – Lao Tzu

Lao Tzu had it right in this thought of his. Probably as he was sipping some Pu’erh Tea, which is so damn good. Yunnan Province is where I want to drink tea, for a while. The center of an incredible herbal cosmic universe for the world. Pu-erh comes from Yunnan. Go to the source.

“It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.” – Walt Disney

It is, you know. I have no idea how I am going to juggle and balance the challenges in my life, over the next month. It seems almost impossible, right now. Yet, the urge in my 3rd chakra and 4th, the heart center, is knowing it is time to move, change, let go of the old.

So, I need to take a Chakra Test, which is something I do once in a while, in order to see where I am blocked, open and over-exerting myself in my life.

I take it when the void is opening up and the changes are starting , and I have stopped trying to stop them. Nothing that came up surprised me, and if you understand your cosmic connection to the universe, not only from a physical sense, but also eternally connected to all that is, was or will be, you might want to take one too.

Relate it to what is going on in your life. It helps balance things out, when you can see that everything you do, affects where you are at ,what your body and energy system is revealing and reflecting from the outer to inner worlds and back again, and who is now walking along side you or who will be coming to walk with you.

Wisdom and love balance us; self-understanding and courage, lead us to miracles.

“You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Results from My Chakra Test , 7-14-2011

(Chakra test and explanations, copyright E. Berkers)

1. Root Chakra –Fear-The right to be here

Root: under-active (-6%)

The Root chakra is about being physically there and feeling at home in situations. If you tend to be fearful or nervous, your Root chakra is probably under-active. You'd easily feel unwelcome.

2. Sacral Chakra –Guilt -The right to feel

Sacral: under-active (0%)

The Sacral chakra is about feeling and sexuality. When it is open, your feelings flow freely, and are expressed without you being over-emotional. If you tend to be stiff and unemotional or have a "poker face," the Sacral chakra is under-active. You're not very open to people.

3. Navel Chakra—Shame-The right to act

Navel: open (38%)

The Navel chakra is about asserting yourself in a group. When it is open, you feel in control and you have sufficient self esteem.

4. Heart Chakra –Sorrow -The right to love and be loved

Heart: under-active (-12%)

When your Heart chakra is under-active, you are cold and distant.

5. Throat Chakra—Lies -The right to speak and hear truth

Throat: over-active (69%)

If this chakra is over-active, you tend to speak too much, usually to domineer and keep people at a distance. You're a bad listener if this is the case.

6. Third Eye Chakra—Illusion -The right to see

Third Eye: over-active (69%)

If this chakra is over-active, you may live in a world of fantasy too much. In excessive cases hallucinations are possible.

7. Crown Chakra –Attachment -The right to know
Crown: open (56%)
 
The Crown chakra is about wisdom and being one with the world. When this chakra is open, you are unprejudiced and quite aware of the world and yourself.

Percentages go from -100% to +100% .

---end of Chakra test data

The thing about chakras, they always show you exactly where you are moment-by-moment in connection to the cosmos. As below, so Above. As within, so outside.

So, my crown chakra, 7th, is open and I am feeling aware of me and the world. I am telling the universe I have the right to know everything and I am getting all the answers and hints I am ready to digest, utilize and put into action. Nothing is being denied me at this time.

6th chakra, sure I am a bit in fantasy land, as I am imagining a new life, and seeing new possibilities for what I will do with it.

5th chakra is over-active as I am asking questions of the universe, ignoring those who are fearful, for me, to make changes, so my ears are kind of slightly closed for some rest. I have always been aware of my right to speak and hear the truth about myself.

Knowing when people are giving me good advice vs. people, whose advice is based on jealousy, fear of letting me go, or outright stupidity, is being not-heard, in my self-preservation mode.

My energy, which I need to get me to an entirely new life style, geographic location, and network of human interactions, arrives at its true desire, resonating with all the life inside of me, to the new life I have chosen.

I need to know the right advice will be given from the right guides sent to help me, no matter what form they take. Watch the signs, pay attention to symbols, recognize when the same place or number keeps appearing before you. A  new cosmic map has arrived in consciousness. Read it, follow it

You do realize we are in a full moon cycle? As I have French ancestors, it is also independence day in France, so my body, mind and spirit are celebrating the tri-color, in powerful, self-independent fashion.

4th Heart chakra is cold and distant and that will change as I re-balance, once the destination is clear. I don’t know who is there to help, love and assist me in that new location.

Leaving those I love, for those who will have to learn to love me, is kind of scary for my little heart, right now. However, I know love is there. It exists for me wherever I go, in many forms, including a male .

3rd, 2nd and 1st chakras are saying I have the right to change my life, since I have the right to be anywhere on this planet. I am getting a bit uptight, as my feelings for wanting to uproot myself are being called to account, and so I am shutting down, pulling away now since I have to let my heart and soul lead me.

I understand what is going on and, like you, it will be an incredible new journey, with unplanned stops, incredible vistas, and a wild ride at light speed. Nothing is ever created, nor destroyed. It is simply re-arranged by our hearts and souls.

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” – Unknown

 

Chakra test link below.

http://www.eclecticenergies.com/chakras/chakradotest.php

Monday, July 11, 2011

A Life That Got In The Way

copyright 2011 Danise Codekas

I am reading about food in SF restaurants. Chocolate cake covered with chocolate, coconut ice cream. Long noodles and shrimp, grilled to perfection from a favorite restaurant over near South Beach. What is it about summer, that starts the taste buds dreaming,even though surrounded by fresh strawberries and Dulce De Leche covered alfajores, on this warm summer's day? Could it be that my life got in the way, and I forgot about those tastes which have led me to some amazing places for food, around the world?

I once spent an entire 3 weeks chasing and eating ice cream by driving down the Wailua Canyon Road to Kappa for a nightly, taste orgasm, for scoops of  Lappert's White Chocolate Macadamia Nut. I spent this weekend visiting a goat farm to meet the goats and meet the cheese making family,  because I fell in love with their family-made dill goat cheese. I am planning on spending a weekend learning how to make cheese, and get to taste different local wines, with fresh French bread spread with creamery butter which is made by a relocated Parisian baker, from the Marais district in Paris.

A friend has signaled me to join he and his new love, in San Fran, for a few days in order to partake of some food events that they will attend from SF to Mendocino. I asked him, why me, when they have all those rapid foodies jumping up from the mushroom patches, up and down the coast. He said that I make the most appreciative sounds when I eat or drink something superb. He said I look like I had really good sex and they can always tell when food is good, through the moans I make.

Yes, I moan when I eat. I come from a family of food connoisseurs. Chocolate and ice cream makers whose stores and restaurants, on the east coast made dentists very rich and happy. We owned cookie companies, too. My mother and father, in their travels around the planet, chose the best wines and ingredients for meals, which we still beg for on our birthdays. I have eaten on 5 continents, and remember meals, or drinks, finished under a rising sun, waning moon with a satiated smile.

I have eaten in places recommended by food editors, only to be sadly disappointed, since the one or two dishes reviewed, did not include the Chicken Dijon, which proved to be yuk. Yuk is a good word for ill-prepared, dry chicken that cost 45 Euros. Cheap, I know by some Arles standards, however, it was my dinner. The bad dinner garnered an invitation, to a local, family-owned gastronomical wonder, who prepared one of the best roast goat, cooked with pears and apples, ever tasted in Southern France. This dish jump started moans and beatific facial expressions for an evening, which earned me a wonderful, perfect creme brulee.

Sometime life does get in the way.You find out there was something it was leading you to, that you would have missed, had you not been disappointed, which led you to get all fired up about finding that perfect meal, or perfect word. Life is supposed to get in the way. How else do you know you are alive? I see a lot of women complaining about men who are breaking up with them.

The women fake light-heartedness, joy, and cop an attitude that it was a wonderful experience, and so much learned, and we are going to be such good friends and keep doing tai chi together. Then, a few weeks later, the break down occurs and they start making the guy feel guilty so he might re-start with her, and save her from her lonely, sad self. Of course, a lot of men do go back and then after a year or so, it all erupts again.

I think they are fools, since the reasons they broke up were always evident. They chose not to look at them because of the high they were both experiencing with bragging to all their friends on Twitter, or lots of sex, or glowing in feeling like a power couple. They crash and burn so fast. They were never in love and simply in love with the idea of love and not being alone. It takes a really strong man to admit he made a mistake and back out of an engagement, when he realizes the truth about the woman.

Realizing it is not love, is just as hard as knowing when it is. The trick is to understand you can make a mistake with the old paradigms in your head, and a woman can walk around with a fairy tale prince ideal for her entire life. She will adore you, give her identity up, to lure you into marriage, and then if all else fails, post bikini shots on her web page, tell people you weren't ready, and act like she never had those insights into the fact that the relationship was not working from the get go, especially after having 4 or 5 repeat performances, with you, across the years.

Do men just get tired of looking for the right woman, for them, and give in to anyone who will close their eyes to the discordant notes of the relationship? Maybe men do get tired and just settle. God, you could be with someone who settled for you because he was too tired to go after exactly the woman he wanted and be happy. I have screwed up relationships.

I am a human, remember. I cannot imagine choosing someone because he was rich and famous and good in bed. True, I would be a fool, not to, however, it all comes down to that real connection stuff, that no money, fame or sex buys. That moment of looking in someone's eyes and making that connection from the pit of your existence.Does that happen anymore? Or are we so excited about how cool it is to be read by so many people, on our web pages, which attracts some pretty cool people, who may be highly interested in meeting and hooking up, for a while, that we forget that it really does have to be human touch. There has to be a meeting and a standing in front of, in order to know if the energy is real between the two of us. Doesn't there??

A Life Got In The Way of mine, many times. We were drawn to one another for various reasons, attractions, needs. Those lives which got in the way of mine were there to help me get to here. I stopped and spent time with them for a while, and cannot say I regret those stops along the way, because they do not matter any more. It was just an experience which my life needed in order to grow, bend, stretch, dissolve and renew. Just like a yoga pose.

Here in the first position, then bend my flesh around my bones and bring more breath into my lungs and heart, and feel pain somewhere I cannot touch, and release a breath, relax and take in an entire new gulp of air molecules which blast me into the heavens. Kind of like a taste of Gracias Madre's perfect Chocolate Cake with cacao-cinnamon sauce and toasted coconut ice cream.


It all looks good, tastes delicious, however, sometimes you need to sample each part separately and see how it all fits together. I have made some great choices in my life, too. I like to remember them. I am glad a life got in the way, so that my taste refined, my body drew towards true attraction of a man, and there is one less sad woman's blog, stating "it was his fault he was not ready" crawling around the internet.

If a life gets in your way, well, you stopped at that cross road, on the road you chose to meet that life on. Quit blaming someone else, who did not love you the way you needed to be loved. It was your game that produced the results.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Our Souls’ Needs

copyright2011, Danise Codekas

“We are free, truly free, when we don't need to rent our arms to anybody in order to be able to lift a piece of bread to our mouths. “ ~Ricardo Flores Magon, speech, 31 May 1914

Another Holiday Weekend for the USA and the sun is shining in Steilacoom. The Roadsters are all lined up in town, and streets blocked off the street fair and parade. The fun run up Chambers Creek will be great since visibility to the Olympic Mountains and Vancouver, BC beyond is pretty, darn incredible!

The view from the back deck is amazing and I am enjoying the laughter of my great barista, here at the cafe, as she wrangles laughter out of all her customers. We are all in high spirits. Some, higher than others, so it seems, from the beer cans in hand, walking by.

Looks like a few friends are not in good moods and want to burrow in and pull the covers over their heads today. I am heading for my sister’s farm, where 2 horses, 2 cats and 1 happy Dalmatian await head pats, finger foods and walks to the pond.

Will have to head back to the house and block off the driveway so no one parks here once the fireworks begin at 10pm, otherwise, I will need to park in the apple orchard which will disturb the moles who are digging up dirt piles, this week. They keep the ground under the 100 year old roots, aerated and that is good for old trees.

I am trading organic apples for organic tomatoes this year, with my neighbors, and that is a really good thing. 100 bushels of apples and 40 bushels of pears, from my trees, will garner me some organic spinach, eggplant, cukes and squash from neighbors. Bartering is Better, is the motto for the summer of 2011.

Seems my first boyfriend’s antics arose in my memory banks, this week. I was working on Chapter 9, of my book, when out of the blue he appeared out of the mists of time. Strange how the brain works, and how a perception of someone changes when the truth of the matter is understood.

Realizing what I should have done with him, and of course, that being when I was 17/18 years old, well it is easy to go to a woulda- coulda-shoulda-type of mindset.

So here is what I have come up with from the little trip down memory lane. OK, yes, he was the “first” and if I need to explain that to any of you, then you need to go turn on your black and white TV set and plug in that 8-track cassette.

No, I do not remember what “it” was like,and occurred in Chambersburg, PA. The motel was called the Dirty Goose, although true name was the White Swan, and Penn State students frequented it frequently.

I realized, this week, when I caught him walking along the river road with the French exchange student, the summer previous to when we did “it”, I should have not seen him again, when he came racing up our driveway to “explain” why he was holding her hand.

He also her took her to his prom, as we met in April and the prom was in May. That was his reasoning for having to keep his commitment to take her. yes, I was naive, and thought the sun and moon set and rose on his dappled biceps.

He loved old cars and had a primo Studebaker, and collected them over the 1 year we were seeing each other. When I came down with a vicious flue, my 2nd quarter at Penn, and was sent home to heal, he stayed on to finish out the semester with a 3.5GPA and my dorm neighbor, next door, as his new squeeze.

Of course, this was not revealed to me until I returned the next quarter, when my dorm mate sat me down, my first evening, with a bottle of tequila, something to smoke, and very slowly revealed the way in which Lyle lied and laid, a lot, with Valerie, while I lay recuperating, 4 weeks at home.

In order to divert me from committing dormicide, my roommate and her boyfriend, attending GW in DC, brought his spider monkey, George, to spend the week with Melissa and I. George was a great divertissement, and the night I caught Lyle crawling through Val’s window, around 2 am, I knew it was time to change dorms, schools and geographic location.

I have found over the years, that a change of location, after the end of a relationship is a wonderful way to clear your mind and get re-balanced. It is healthy. I think I have moved after the end of all relationships, of any length, now that I think about it. Good thing I love to travel.

The reality of the situation is that we all bury memories about past relationships, that had uncomfortable ends. Eventually, those memories arise, when we least expect them to appear before us.

One of mine popped up yesterday and I began to realize how all relationships, which involve sex, change me, and maybe you, too. When sociologists came out, with the idea, of 3 to 6 degrees of separation, lies between humans, they also researched the idea that we have all had sex with one another. Seems it has been proven,depending on who you read, with DNA research.

So, what can we do but enjoy that which we love to do, with the people we are with in the moment. We are all connected under the firework's skies tonight.

Lyle is long gone, but I can say there must have been a reason for us to meet and be together at the White Swan, on that September 9th. Probably because it was my birthday.

So, my freedom to be me comes from struggles with life, love and the desire to follow a soul purpose which drives me on creatively. I imagine that those who came here not in the pursuit of land, but in the pursuit of their soul’s purpose which needed freedom to create and breath, also would understand how I would roam the planet, when faced with knowing that someone, I believed in to be truthful and faithful , was not.

We all search for freedom, love, and great joy in our life’s work. We are motivated by creativity, and beauty.

We seek peace, art, nature, music which moves us and inspires us. We do not seek to suffer, but reach for joy. Like those who came here, to find their joy, hundreds of years ago, we, like the pioneers of old, are still seeking that freedom, with those who appreciate and sustain our souls’ need for the same.

We on this continent should never forget that men first crossed the Atlantic not to find soil for their ploughs but to secure liberty for their souls.  ~Robert J. McCracken