THINK ABOUT LIFE by Danise Codekas: 2013

Saturday, November 30, 2013

We Are A Curious Species

Even with all the awareness we think we are amassing, few are ever complete. There is always more work to do even at the most amazing moment of your life.

I believe we create our own pain, joy, suffering and love in our lives, by ourselves. If you miss the opportunity to express your surprise openly, at a wonderful, unplanned meeting which arises before you, you may re-seek it the rest of your life.

Usually, we burn ourselves out after a few years or searching for something that held us in the first moments. We forget that smile with the smiling eyes, the voice which enchanted us, and drew us into a reality, more real than any of our current life moments. Love arose before you, and you let it depart, and back out the driveway.

You will seek for it, for a few weeks, months, maybe. If you are diligent, years, hoping to be in front of a person, who took your breath away, and enmeshed you in their energy immediately.

Madness, utter madness and the most delicious memory of your life. Surprise. Who is that person? How can you find them again?

Where are you? Who are you. Thanks for the wakeup call. Zing.

A man with a patch over his eye, standing in a driveway with friends, smiling, twinkling eye, gazing. So intriguing a memory, on a chilling, Saturday evening in the Pacific Northwest, with no Butter Pecan ice cream in the house. Guess I'll head down to Albertson's.

Saw Christmas lights all over Gig Harbor, Olalla, Poulsbo. Even AL’S store put them up, winding strings of twinkling lights around the gas pumps. Nice. The extra twelve cents a gallon is worth it.

I love the holidays, when magic appears because everything is so scintillating.

I shall find a writing studio, on someone's private land, for 6 hours a day. It needs right atmosphere and silence, except for my music.

That's what I want for Christmas. A Writing Place.

Think I can get a New Year's Eve date? There must be a twitter site for people who want a date for New Year's Eve.

We are a curious species. I am a curious and sparkly soul.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Ennui? Not Ever.

It is not amusing growing older. Some realizations about the Self, come far later in life, than you would hope. I am not saying these ah-ha moments, of my last 6 months of my life, were not appreciated; they were simply surprising given my current state of life.

My mind seems to be expanding as I jump around from place to place, in the latitude and longitude areas of the Earth.

Not sure if you understand. Some day you may.

Sensing disengaging from cruelty and brutality from many packets of the planet. Clearly, daily, reflections of what those words signify, we all are aware of as seeing them daily, soothes into our daily waking moments.

Sad, this infiltration of the worst of human nature. Sad there is too much of it.

I have seen so much bloodshed across my life, as we have all. Media and Technology are amazing aren’t they? Talking through air; and, sending bits and bytes across the wind are amazing things to see, in ones’ life.

I hope the things I leave behind are no longer needed for my next journey not because I ignored them, but that they served me well, and, I used them reverently.

As we age, so do our bodies. As we age, our minds expand. As we forget to do new things, we become old. Age doesn’t matter.

The next step is where? If people really were afraid to create challenges for themselves, I couldn’t live in such a presumptuous world. A world of ennui.

Looking At Vashon, One Fall Day:

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Who You Are Now

It is a bit too soon to decide how the year will end.

It has been an exhilarating ride, like falling over Angel Falls, knowing you are going to survive. You just have to ride it all the way down.

It has been almost 2 years since I needed to assemble a new life plan, as before, since the need to get back on the road reigns supreme in my mind, now.

3-4 months is just enough time to spend time with someone you are not that in tune with, acquainted with or friends with.

Any longer and the aurora of your true persona finally breaks through the social nicety you, and then, people see your crazies and real self. Which is of course, why you chose to visit those people, at this time.

You are tired of the old self and who better than to push those buttons for you to drop your crap, than strangers, family and old friends.

Be prepared for some of those relationships to explode into smithereens. You chose this path to them and subconsciously seeking to shed the person who wanted people to believe you were and all along knowing you had never been real, with them, ever.

You just did not have the good manners to tell them at the time, as you were amazed to find out their purpose in your life had dwindled, perhaps years ago. Let It Go, Friends. There’s no turning back once you let it go. These people disappear quickly down your jet stream.

Just Over Colorado Border In The Utah Snow

© Danise Codekas Photography, 2013

Sometimes, nature can get you there, to that release of the tired, uninspired person you believe you have become quickly. Especially Violent Nature which unexpectedly comes into your journey’s way and sends you off in another direction, quickly.

If you had paid attention, you would have traveled to wherever you were headed without knowing it, anyway. Things Change, Always. Accept that Universal Truth, blindly, and you could live a content life. Or a really miserable one, too, given the vicissitudes of emotions.

Mutability is highly underrated on the road, or life, for that matter. Hence, a need to move, change and develop into that which you are becoming within the scenes you create in your daily life, arises and you either go with it or get an ulcer fighting it. Eventually you will move toward it, if that’s what your soul is screaming for, however, of course, you could die before you get to shed your inutile skin a become who you are now.

“Whatever else has been said about me personally is unimportant. When I sing, I believe. I'm honest.” - FRANK SINATRA, quoted in And I Quote

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Montserrat by Danise Codekas

If the very impression one gets is that there is some type of retirement from life, as you know it, when you begin noticing the skin on your hands finally shows your age, you'd be either stupid or lazy.

Assuming your neither, then you know how hard it is to stop doing something you are addicted to and, at this point in my life, I have surrendered to my addiction to writing books, poetry, diaries or autobiography.

I thought a point would come where it became less important to write, as my need to impress, or make a mark, lessened in importance over the decades.

I was wrong, of course. Some of us burn out late, rather than early. Some of us kick into higher gear as we age. Nothing new.

If I need to get up and write from 12:42 am until whenever, there is nothing blocking tomorrow morning’s rising from arriving at 10 am, instead of 6 am. 6 am is a time I generally arose at for many years working for someone else.

As a writer, I appreciate my new life style, as a Writer, Photojournalist and planet Earth resident.

So many people are no longer in my life. Thank God, for many gone; and the others I miss engaging with at whatever nefarious and amazing ideas were twirled around between us, during our time together.

Jeeze, it has been a good life, for me. I feel so free. Like I am going to explode with the peace inside me. It won't last for long, it never does. Life changes too quickly and you never know what you are going to walk into next. Amazing, isn’t it?

Even Death. Although, I am sure since I don't appear to be dying yet, when and if my time arrives to cross over, will try to maintain an amazing outlook on the process.

I will never experience it again, and can;t imagine what it going to be like or what type of last minute karma I'll be burning off during the process I have earned this lifetime and created for my transitory means to an End. Life is an adventure, to the End.

I am going to Montserrat soon and only because I have never been there before. I want to see the mountains and love Benise's song, Montserrat. You think a photojournalist is led into new places because of the beauty?

I must have both the beauty and the music of the place, before I lift the camera. I understand what pushed me into Joyl when I travel, or when I breath.

Just kick off every trip off with Benise's Carnaval from the CD, Nights of Fire. You will get in the proper frame of mind for the busy airport, waiting at check-in, or not. Sitting in a wine bar, headphones blaring Carnaval.

It, your airport experience becomes a fabulous adventure, even if you are flying into Hell, or are waiting in Standby Hell.

“May all Beings, dwell in equanimity, free from attachment and aversion.”~Buddha

Please subscribe and hope you enjoyed your visit. ~Danise

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

DEPRESSION

I am at one of those points in life when one no longer has interest in others' opinions of how to take the next step; or, move at their speed to maneuver through my ruminations about a situation, connection, relationship, financial status, or spiritual ah-ha moment.

Sounding out my thoughts with you means, finally, I am able to say to my soul, Pecha Kulpa, "Fuck Guilt!", and, turn to my heart, whispering, "Amazing!".

It took me since August 2012, to understand the advice of a powerful, Nicaraguan Curandero, when I spent time with him in Albuquerque, NM.

So strange to have lingered there, in the vast, unpredictable desert, upon the realization that the only reason I returned to New Mexico was to put myself through the cosmic awareness ringer, in G-force time, seeking two shamans' insight into my soul: one, Nicaraguan; the other, a Mayan.

I should have left Albuquerque, once I realized: "This is the reason I came back to Albuquerque: to meet them." . It was never about New Mexico, or escape. It was time for the blinders to be removed from my eyes as my soul screamed to start the next part of my life’s adventure.

However, the guilt, pain, uninspiring people, untrue friends, and material possessions, that held no relevancy for the next part of my spiritual journey had to be released: reverentially and graciously. To hold onto to those ideas, people and possessions that no longer served my advancement, would bind me to a repeat performance of karmic debt. Who needs that?

I don't have time for karmic debt repayments. Hence, my ridiculously amazing life, for which I am grateful. Pain and suffering, sent my way, reminds me that love is the only reality. My lessons learned about Self-love, and then, by the grace of all that is holy, allowing others to love me, are the only lessons needed.

Always the balance, in our lives, when streaming love through all reality, in present time/space continuum, a.k.a., my life, your life, their lives reveal that love blankets all entities in the world, and the universe: animal, cosmos, weather, human, foliage.

Whenever the awareness arises, that I am filtering, everything in my life, through the eyes of "Guilt", which imprints more self-inflicted pain, and a world-view, inspired by the self-deprecation filter, I recall the word, "Amazing" into my mind, as a shaman taught me. That word shatters looking at the world through old guilt.

I repeat,”Amazing”, mantra-like, to re-balance my energy, restore self-love ,which always brings me to a knowledge, of which action to take, not take, or drop the desire for, or,connection to that which before me, that no longer serves my evolving life.

I knew the destructive, guilt driven view,of myself, within this world was ending. These two powerful male shamans, were the main point of traversing across the Southwestern Desert.

Realizing how amazing the immediate situation is, as my reality, and it is amazing to be part of “it”, present to “it”, and interacting with “it”:transforming the consciousness of the myself ,and others, in the universe, because I said, “Fuck Guilt!"!

I now look at every breath and flower, as part of a moment I masterfully created because I am incredible and worthy of this amazing life, which I create with all beings, entities and universes.

Unhindered view of my soul arose, a little bit higher, from the depths of depression, fear and anger into more joy, self-respect, and amazing adventures, and horrendous loss.

Being tested by the universe and myself, not only brings amazing meetings and gifts; it also provides outstanding challenges, loss, duels of hearts, minds and souls to my doorstep. I created it. I asked for wisdom and a gracious ability to laugh at myself, more.

I created it. My lack of awareness, time-wasting focus and interactions eventually were recognized, addressed and adjusted, by me, or let go of within a few months, ripped out of my circle of life, after meeting with the Curanderos, and imbedding their lessons into my soul and my mind, through action.

My life was plunged into hell, soon there after, and by request that my eyes be opened to who I am, were ripped open, like onion layers. Every few weeks, another old memory or mind loop begins to unwind, and I am left with the desire to connect to others, and change my current habits in order to progress to a better, finer love of self and all of you.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Life On The Road, Now

The time of recognizing the needs of this woman,who has driven 12,820 miles since May 2012, begins to take shape, here in the desert oasis of Las Vegas, Nevada. I’ve been here since January 10, 2013.

This trip, when I began, had one destination in sight. Corrales, New Mexico. Yet, I drove back to the Pacific NW, 3 times, between June and September.

My intentions are so easily bent and re-molded according to what I am working on in life. Drove back to the Olympic Peninsula, the first time to rekindle a relationship with a family member, that completed in 4 days, and drove to New Mexico, again.

You create the journey, follow your own map and enter into situations, which rip you apart, put you back together again, make you strong, make you sad, and test your sanity.

Life on the Road, it is for now: my road.

I swooped into Denver and many interesting people placed themselves before me. For the first time since I left Seattle in 1995, for the forests, farms and shorelines of the Puget Sound, Denver became the city of my life. September until January, I huddled there.

Walked the streets, drove to its parks, mountain passes, rivers, and coffee houses, and learned from a man that I was “not very photogenic”, had a “fat ass”, and was too short (5’6 1/2”). For a moment, I believed him.

Travelled to Vail, Colorado Springs, Breckenridge, Boulder, Garden of the Gods, and Nebraska, where I was seduced by each location, and the places in between.

I contemplated what I was doing driving hither and yon: received an answer. The soft chuckle of unseen angels were heard above my bed and exhausted I fell asleep, accepting where I was, who I was with, and slept the sleep of the dead.

Trying to explain to you why the drive to leave everything I knew for 20 odd years and drive across the empty beauty of the Southwest, and the unimaginable beauty of South Western Nebraska, and the Colorado glory, is boring . I felt it, heard it and knew I had to go.

I don’t have words that can explain to you, why I left anywhere I have been, except that at each point ,the people I was with, no longer needed me to be with them. I do not know if I will ever see any of them again.

Even though, Facebook and Twitter help us to be with someone, I 140 characters, and phone calls bring them closer, I need to be in the presence, of another human being, to know the truths of our experience.

Whatever these encounters, living situations, and intermingling were supposed to help me figure out, I am still in travel mode.

Sitting here in the desert, with 3 people is, once again, an interesting experiment: testing will, compassion, power, love, disdain, cruelty, control, rejection and many other emotions that erupt.

I have never been lonelier in my life. Without anchor, boat house, or tie-downs. Yet, still I breath and hope and wish for the next indicated thing, which leads me to happiness, home, love, and peace.

Finding I can survive most situations, even though I am not very “photogenic”, have a “big butt” and am “too short” (5’6 1/2” tall), as one person told me in Denver, I have a great vibe and love animals and people who demonstrate compassion, creativity, kind-heartedness. These things have to be their anchors in life.

I was a bitch, along the way, a few times. Fear, anger are emotions that erupt when I travel, that have nothing to do with the trip, and everything to do with me relocating to a new place;and every idea and dream, and my past, gets blown to kingdom come through the new interactions and trials on the road.

You are left standing naked before the sun, and know what you have to do next. If you don’t do it, say it, go there; forever, you will regret not listening to your heart, and no one and no road will satisfy you until you act and complete the dance, with them or without them.

It all comes down to people. The one you return to, the one you will never see again, the one you wish you could see. We are not solitary humans. We are geared for touchstones which create balance and safe harbor. To expect the past to re-appear is foolish. I changed, you change ,when we travel through space at 75 mph for 10 months.

What it will become for me tomorrow or next month, I have no idea. Something, Someplace, or Someone will attract me, beckon me and a decision will be made then.

Sticker on the Door Panel in my bedroom in Denver. Never noticed it until the moment I walked out of the room with my suitcase.