It Is Here On Earth

(copyright2010) by Danise Codekas

Not sure what is going on for all of you, now. Seems some are flying all over the place or else burrowing in, for the winter, and awaiting the universe to respond to calls for assistance and guidance.

There have been some shut downs of all communication, with a few friends and family members, in the past few weeks, and I could blame this all on Mercury, being in Retrograde mode, however, I think it is a little bit more emotional and intense, for us all, than just blaming it on Mercury.

When Mercury is Retrograde, or appears to move back across its direct path, re-crossing the heavens, it is signaling that we need to re-look, re-think, and re-read, any actions, invitations, proposals or commitments about to be made, while it is in reverse/holding pattern mode, and halt in making life-changing decisions, that include other people's karma, intertwining forever with ours.

A lot of people got married or proposed marriage, during this time period, and that is because the energy leading up to Mercury going Direct, is one in which our mind is working furiously to decide something of importance, and then, unable to sit in silence, we find it necessary to move quickly, take an unplanned trip across the planet, for instance, in order to keep the illusion, which we will use, to make a life changing decision. Movement and travel is what you do NOT want to do when Mercury is Retrograde.

You need to sit with the truth that is trying to erupt from your soul, which is generally your soul saying this is something you do NOT want to do. But, you listen to ego, and charge out wildly, grabbing car and truck keys, buying an airplane ticket and whisking off into the hinterland, hoping your soul will become silence as you are amused by the things of earth, rather those of heaven and your soul.

Mercury is screaming at us to re-think, and even, let go of the old karmic ties, we are still ensnarled in, that we are using to make another un-satisfying decision, a karmic retrograde to our development, causing us to repeat old karma, with an old love, return to an old city, or ignore our real mission, deny a true love, because we are afraid to walk the path alone, for a while, until we can finally accept our true love, work or mission, even though it seems insane, to all around you.

It is best to wait at least 9 days, after Mercury goes direct, before signing the document, offering the engagement ring or putting the house on the market. 9 is the "god" number, and is always mentioned in archaic, ancient works used by cabbalists, astronomers, astrologers, shamans and monk-warrior societies who were the keepers of truth, for ancient cultures.

The number 9 represents wholeness and 108, when added together equals 9. 108 represents the whole of existence. Interestingly, if you multiply 9 times ANY number, the answer is always 9 when you add the numbers together. 1x9=9. 2x9=18. 1+8=9. 285x9=2565( 2+5+6+5=18, 1+8=9).

9 represents wholeness or God.The 9 planets travelling through the 12 signs constitutes the whole of existence. 9 x 12 = 108.

The universe is made up of 108 elements according to ancient texts.The diameter of the Sun is 108 times the diameter of the earth. It is the Triple Triad - Completion; fulfillment; attainment; beginning and the end; the whole number; a celestial and angelic number - the Earthly Paradise.

It is the number of the circumference, its division into 90 degrees and into 360 for the entire circumference. 2, for instance represents 2 dimensional reality, 3 signifies, 3 dimensional reality. My  birthdate is 9/9, so, hence, the life I have chosen and the lecture.

In any case, a lot of people got tied up in communication and electronic breakdowns, as experienced with the inability for the planes and airports to function, during the snowstorms, floods and fires, these past weeks. A total breakdown for billions of people, around the world.

Hope you maintained balance and were able to manage your frustration at the events, which involved balancing your energy, these past few weeks.

This is a time period, when the past will arise to seduce you into believing your choices are connected to a 'Magnificator', i.e., someone or something which magnifies your fear, suppresses needs of your heart, and gets you to fall into your deepest dream of connection to them, perhaps someone who is not your soul mate,for instance, because, they also are afraid to be alone.

A lot of people proposed marriage, decided to have a child, not change, when their soul whispered a truth, because they could not walk forward, into the new consciousness, which required supreme balance, unswerving courage, and release from the past, and in so doing, missed the one who is meant for them, in this cosmic renewal we are traveling through now, to 2012.

Holding onto the old, outmoded past relationships, and believing it is your destiny, is a way to disrupt the evolvement of humankind, and will continue to cause rifts, in the evolution of new, higher levels of consciousness, and you will still question your choices because it is not what you need; it is what you know.

Sex with a familiar person, fearing you are going to be alone, has led many of you, in this past month, to run back to those, who no longer serve your development, but satisfy your need for safety, even if they will smother your creativity and ability to be with a more powerful, righteous and aware human.

It is time to align every aspect of your life, not based on fear of being alone, or based on their illusions of a happy life, and deification of you, or your fear of dying without any progeny, or your seeking acceptance, in the eyes of your tribe/families, as now being responsible, because you got engaged or will now become a wife or husband. You return to the imbalanced male-female paradigm, again.

You pretend to love, yet you are not with the real love of your life. You have lost hope, and are grabbing a life line, that is being held out by old, outmoded beliefs. Those who seek to keep you in place, by fear, and debased societal controls, applaud your decision to stay, in the web, of their fears.

Perhaps, it is time to trust that you will be with the one who is meant for you and you will not be swayed, on your life's mission.

They are on this planet, now, to assist your development of higher consciousness,  and every movement you make in fear, away from them, you lie to yourself and the one who is with you, that you know is not really the one.

There is a question in your mind, which is why you had to run from them for a while, and silence your soul, in order for your ego-mind to control the situation, again. You cannot fool yourself.

Many are now able to see sadness in your eyes, and know, a lesser road was chosen and travelled by you. We are all on this journey together, and the wise ones are saying goodbye, to that which no longer serves them.

They are dismantling their lives, while friends and family shake their heads denouncing it as foolishness and childish. They, like the Hebrews, are packing up their belongings, and crossing into the unknown, knowing the voice inside will guide them to the right place, person and circumstance.

They choose to defy the old ways and know if they continue to believe the lies and promises of others, they will cease to exist in their own hearts.

I, and maybe you,are aware of our power and there is nothing to lose, except the suffering of the past. We are reaching for the unknown, the incredible, the joy of that which was always meant for us, because we listen to our hearts and have faith our heaven, it is here, on earth. We are spiritual beings having an earthly paradise experience.

Spirit

Copyright 2010 Danise Codekas

"The goal of life is spiritual empowerment-to learn to use the power of our souls in acts of creation guided by divine instruction...Your soul is a cosmic force that creates through every breath you take. The goal is to become conscious of what you are doing with your breath, the quality of your thoughts, your emotions, and what you believe to be true about life. Breath, thought, emotions and ideas are your vessels of power. "-Carolyn Myss, Defy Gravity.

What is it about this time of year that brings out the true spirit, true self in our interactions with others? Some say it is the Winter Solstice combined with a full lunar eclipse that brought in the energy to transform our clouded ideas of self into wiser knowledge about who we are, what we don't/do want, and where we need to be and with whom, doing things we do/don't want to do.

Disruptions in my life occurred, almost daily, and others' lives. There was no doubt in my mind that a lot of it had to do with unrealistic expectations we put on our own bodies and energy systems, and the quintessential need to slow down, relax and think about life, which so many ignore, during this time of Great Expectations and Presents.

Presence should be the main focus. Being present to your needs, your bodies cries for help, for rest, and tuning in to what the world is experiencing on a monumental scale.

There are a lot of people flying around with unrealistic expectations of the weather, of the ability of others, to provide them comfort and seamless transportation systems, and shelter when all indications show that the snow is coming, the planes will be cancelled or delayed, and the airports can be closed.

Did they not look out the window or listen to weather reports before they walked out the door? No, many did not.

I hear from friends who left for Hawaii without looking to see that Hawaii would be rain soaked for a few weeks. Friends in London, traveling to India, sat for days at the airport waiting for their flight, complaining every day in their blog, about the fact that no one seemed to be listening to their complaints and fulfilling their needs.

I watched telecasts from Arkansas with families worried about why the media has not spread the word that they are experiencing earthquake swarms daily, http://bit.ly/fKHMVR, being caused possibly by Gas Companies injecting salt into the earth.

The So. Cal mud slides and floods have ravaged areas to such an extent, that nothing will be the same again in many communities. When listening to the appeals on TV, today, from homeowners who escaped with their lives, minutes before water and mud, filled homes with 4-6ft. walls of mud, the same expression was said again and again: "It's all gone, all our stuff, and we've lost everything and we had no insurance".

Yesterday, when SKYPE went down, the anger erupting across blogs and messaging services was truly astounding. There was vitriolic frustrations, around the world, being mimicked, in every language, on the SKYPE Twitter page. Truly, what are people going to do if a solar flare finally hits earth, and the Internet goes down? What did we do before the internet? I think I used the phone and drove over to people's houses to hang out.

Watching Jon Stewart's parodies about the lack of respect, by Congress, to shelve the 9/11 Responders Health Care Bill, finally brought Congress to their seats, and the vote was passed. The Unemployment Extension bill will put funds into millions of people's pockets, so they can have food on the table next week, for the first time in a month.

Some are already living in their cars, somewhere near you, because the money comes too late to satisfy banks, landlords and credit card companies.

After watching the news report video, on CNN today, of a car repossession employee, breaking into a woman's home, to get the keys to the car, as she is on the phone with 911, reporting the break-in, while she and her children are in their bedrooms, upstairs, frightened, the over-reaching insanity of the greed level, the desire for 'our stuff' level, over-whelmed me, for a few minutes.

Who have we become? What happened to these people who have lost all sense of propriety, respect for their fellow human beings?

Yes, I know this has been going on since Cain first killed Abel. Jealousy, greed, disrespect of human life, and control of others seems to be something that erupts, into consciousness, when we forget that sometimes the world is not going to provide those things for us, that we need, at the time we need them. Sometimes, we have to be patient and put our heads down, and do our work and hope for the best, while doing our best to walk softly on the earth.

Sometimes, we just have to do nothing, and let the winds of change swirl around us, as we let the energy needed to transform our lives come to us, whisper guidance to us, and do its thing.

When the transformation is in place, we will know it, and if we ignore it, ignore the hints to move, wait, go, stay, remain silent, speak now, then that which is meant for us, will not arise, and we will sit in muddy, existential moroseness, until we begin to trust, work and prepare for the next indicated thing in our lives.

As we head into 2012, the time of transformation, revelation and the end of outmoded ways of being, we have to understand, we are experiencing the same insights, at a cellular and cosmic level.

We are all heading to the same place, on the same planet and whether or not you want to trust, or even make an acquaintance of the Mayan and Hopi prophecies, the end of the Vedic, Jewish calendars, the Navajo end of times predictions, you have to at least admit something, of great proportion is occurring to mass consciousness, reflected in your daily interactions, communications and the ground you stand on.

We are separating from those who no longer support us, on our life's mission. We are walking away from towns and cities, seeking a place that will be safe, for us, in the future. We are ending relationships with people who do not fit into our lifestyle, or do not support us with their self-aggrandizing ways. I am blessing them and letting them go, in my life, now.

We are seeing the truth about ourselves, and as it is occurring, we see that our old lives, friends, family, places, work, and healing methods, are no longer palatable and compatible, for the change in consciousness, that is taking place inside our hearts, now.

These changes are so obvious to me, in my own life, that in the past 3 weeks, I have begun saying goodbye, to people, that no longer align with my work and mind-set now. It is not difficult. The heart and soul know that the purpose, which they served, that mirrored an old part of me, is now no longer needed. I see who I am now, and know what I have to do. My old skin is shed.

Doing it, well, that is easy, since I cannot stop from moving forward. I am sure many of you, feel the same way. You just know what has to be done, and it is happening at such a fast rate, like two comets passing by one another in deep space. It is like a Hi and Goodbye now, without any pain, with gentleness and unplugging in cosmic orderliness.

We all are seeing the truth about one another, in a way never experienced, and lines are being drawn, your tribe is coming into being, and your lives are moving toward experiences of such amazing incredulousness, at their perfection, their rightness for you, there is also a small shout of joy erupting from your hearts and souls.

So, in this time of transition and transformation, in this accelerated movement to clarity, drawing the lines between truth and non-truth, meeting the ones who are on the same conscious awareness level as you, I bid you Good Tidings of Joy and Hope.

We are all experiencing it and you can connect by walking outside at night and staring at the heavens, you can feel it as you gaze across the fields of snow, you can hear it in the rushing rivers of your mind, and you can touch it, as you walk across the earth. It is new energy, it is a conscious, wise energy, and it is so palatable across our skin, and in our hearts, I no longer doubt its presence.

I once had the great pleasure of spending time with Thomas Banyacya, the Hopi Messenger who appeared before the United Nations, to deliver the warning from the Hopi people. Here is an explanation of the Hopi Prophecy: Hopi Prophecy and here is the context of Banyacya's speech to the UN on December 10, 1992 (Banyacya's Speech to UN  ):

My name is Banyacya of the Wolf, Fox and Coyote Clan and I am a member of the Hopi sovereign nation. Hopi in our language means a peaceful, kind, gentle, truthful people. The traditional Hopi follows the spiritual path that was given to us by Massau'u the Great Spirit. We made a sacred covenant to follow his life plan at all times, which includes the responsibility of taking care of this land and life for his divine purpose. We have never made treaties with any foreign nation, including the United States, but for many centuries we have honored this sacred agreement. Our goals are not to gain political control, monetary wealth nor military power, but rather to pray and to promote the welfare of all living beings and to preserve the world in a natural way. We still have our ancient sacred stone tablets and spiritual religious societies which are the foundations of the Hopi way of life. Our history says our white brother should have retained those same sacred objects and spiritual foundations.

In 1948, all traditional Hopi spiritual leaders met and spoke of things I felt strongly were of great importance to all people. They selected four interpreters to carry their message of which I am the only one still living today. At the time, I was given a sacred prayer feather by the spiritual leaders. I made a commitment to carry the Hopi message of peace and deliver warnings from prophesies known since the time the previous world was destroyed by flood and our ancestors came to this land.

My mission was to open the doors of this Great House of Mica to native peoples. The Elders said to knock four times and this commitment was fulfilled when I delivered a letter and the sacred prayer feather I had been given to John Washburn in the Secretary General's office in October, 1991. I am bringing part of the Hopi message to you here today. We have only ten minutes to speak and time is late so I am making my statement short.

At the meeting in 1948, Hopi leaders 80, 90 and even 100 years old explained that the creator made the first world in perfect balance where humans spoke one language, but humans turned away from moral and spiritual principles. They misused their spiritual powers for selfish purposes. They did not follow nature's rules. Eventually the world was destroyed by sinking of land and separation of land by what you would call major earthquakes. Many died and only a small handful survived.

Then this handful of peaceful people came into the second world. They repeated their mistakes and the world was destroyed by freezing which you call the great Ice Age.

The few survivors entered the third world. That world lasted a long time and as in previous worlds, the people spoke one language. The people invented many machines and conveniences of high technology, some of which have not yet been seen in this age. They even had spiritual powers that they used for good. They gradually turned away from natural laws and pursued only material things and finally only gambled while they ridiculed spiritual principles. No one stopped them from this course and the world was destroyed by the great flood that many nations still recall in their ancient history or in their religions.

The Elders said again only small groups escaped and came to this fourth world where we now live. Our world is in terrible shape again even though the Great Spirit gave us different languages and sent us to four corners of the world and told us to take care the the Earth and all that is in it.

This Hopi ceremonial rattle represents Mother Earth. The line running around it is a time line and indicates that we are in the final days of the prophecy. What have you, as individuals, as nations and as the world body been doing to to take care of this Earth? In the Earth today, humans poison their own food, water and air with pollution. Many of us, including children, are left to starve. Many wars are still being fought. Greed and concern for material things is a common disease.

In this western hemisphere, our homeland, many original native people are landless, homeless, starving and have no medical help.

The Hopi knew humans would develop many powerful technologies that would be abused. In this century, we have seen the First World War and the Second World War in which the predicted gourd of ashes, which you call the atomic bomb, fell from the sky with great destruction. Many thousands of people were destroyed in Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

For many years there has been great fear and danger of World War Three. The Hopi believe the Persian Gulf War was the beginning of World War Three but it was stopped and the worst weapons of destruction were not used. This is now a time to weigh the choices for our future. We do have a choice. If you, the nations of this Earth, create another great war, the Hopi believe we humans will burn ourselves to death with ashes. That's why the spiritual Elders stress strongly that the United Nations fully open the door for native spiritual leaders as soon as possible.

Nature itself does not speak with a voice that we can easily understand. Neither can the animals and birds we are threatening with extinction talk to us. Who in this world can speak for nature and the spiritual energy that creates and flows through all life? In every continent are human beings who are like you but who have not separated themselves from the land and from nature. It is through their voice that Nature can speak to us. You have heard those voices and many messages from the four corners of the world today. I have studied comparative religion and I think in your own nations and cultures you have knowledge of the consequences of living out of balance with nature and spirit. The native peoples of the world have seen and spoken to you about the destruction of their lives and homelands, the ruination of nature and the desecration of their sacred sites. It is time the United Nations used its rules to investigate these occurrences and stop them now.

The Four Corners area of the Hopi is bordered by four sacred mountains. The spiritual center within is a sacred site our prophecies say will have special purpose in the future for mankind to survive and now should be left in its natural state. All nations must protect this spiritual center.

The Hopi and all original native people hold the land in balance by prayer, fasting and performing ceremonies. Our spiritual Elders still hold the land in the Western Hemisphere in balance for all living beings, including humans. No one should be relocated from their sacred homelands in this Western Hemisphere or anywhere in the world. Acts of forced relocation, such as Public Law 93-531 in the United States, must be repealed.

The United Nations stands on our native homeland. The United Nations talks about human rights, equality and justice and yet the native people have never had a real opportunity to speak to this assembly since its establishment until today. It should be the mission of your nations and this assembly to use your power and rules to examine and work to cure the damage people have done to this Earth and to each other. Hopi Elders know that was your mission and they wait to see whether you will act on it now.

Nature, the First People and the spirit of our ancestors are giving you loud warnings. Today, December 10, 1992, you see increasing floods, more damaging hurricanes, hail storms, climate changes and earthquakes as our prophesies said would come. Even animals and birds are warning us with strange change in their behavior such as the beaching of whales. Why do animals act like they know about the earth's problems and most humans act like they know nothing? If we humans do not wake up to the warnings, the great purification will come to destroy this world just as the previous worlds were destroyed.

(Thomas and Oren Lyons held up a picture of a large rock drawing in Hopiland)

This rock drawing shows part of the Hopi prophecy. There are two paths. The first with technology but separate from natural and spiritual law leads to these jagged lines representing chaos. The lower path is one that remains in harmony with natural law. Here we see a line that represents a choice like a bridge joining the paths. If we return to spiritual harmony and live from our hearts, we can experience a paradise in this world. If we continue only on this upper path, we will come to destruction.

Its up to all of us, as children of Mother Earth, to clean up this mess before it's too late.

The Elders request that during this International Year for the Worlds Indigenous Peoples, the United Nations keep that door open for spiritual leaders from the four corners of the world to come to speak to you for more than a few minutes as soon as possible. The Elders also request that eight investigative teams visit the native areas of the world to observe and tell the truth about what is being done and stop these nations from moving in this self- destructive direction.

If any of you leaders want to learn more about the spiritual vision and power of the Elders, I invite you to come out to Hopiland and sit down with our real spiritual leaders in their sacred Kivas where they will reveal the ancient secrets of survival and balance.

I hope that all members of this assembly that know the spiritual way will not just talk about it, but in order to have real peace and harmony, will follow what it says across the United Nations wall: "They will beat their swords into plowshares and study war no more." Lets, together, do that now!

One With The Road

Where Are We Now? Why Are We Going? What Will We Find?

 

There are some places near us that we never explore. Not due to lack of curiosity. Only that we are nesters, as many humans tend to become after living in an area that is as familiar, as the wolf's range area.

This week I am heading down to Corvallis, Oregon to speak to some researchers at Oregon State University, check out  jobs there, and to visit my niece, who is in the Equine Sciences Program. She and her thoroughbred, Hercules, live there and she is heading to Ireland, to the National Stud School, for her Master's Program, in the not too distant future.

The great thing about Corvallis is it is a great, little college town, and I have never been there. It is a 4 hour drive south, from my little city above the Puget Sound, and since it is also Christmas shopping time, the wineries of the area may be able to supply me with a few well-intentioned gifts, for those of my adult friends and family, who definitely need to celebrate this holiday season.

Her invitation to me to spend time with her, brightened up what could prove to be a very, wet, rainy week, here in the South Sound.

She lives a pleasant co-ed's walk from the campus, which meanders through coffee shops, bookstores and great, organic restaurants. She needs a car to get to Herc's stall and riding arena, since she is up there in the ranks, among NW and US Eventing circles, with many ribbons hanging on her walls and Herc's stall.

Riding and jumping have been her thing, since she was about 10, and she was also the youngest thoroughbred trainer at Emerald Downs, in Auburn, WA., before heading off to college, a few years ago.

She knows horses and bloodlines, and is consulted by buyers,  and has been studying to be a thoroughbred breeder, who will have the great advantage of traveling around Europe and the Mid-East, to breeding farms owned by Kings, Queens and Sheiks during her studies, overseas. What a charmed life for a young woman who is also smart and knows how to jump a horse over a 5 ft. high fence.

Thinking of places I have wandered into in my travels, brought up the memory of a place outside Oceanside, CA., which the gas guy in Fallbrook, CA., told me about, a few months ago, when I was lost up in the hills above the Pacific Ocean, trying to get to Rancho Santa Fe.

If you are ever wandering around the hills, between Oceanside and Fallbrook, turn your car southeast and head for the California Wolf Center, Tall Pine Rd & K Q Ranch Rd, in Julian, CA., and pay 185.00 for a personal tour with one of the staff members, to spend time with the wolves. It is an incredible experience. Here is the link: California Wolf Center

Their gift shop, which ships for Christmas, has some amazing things that animal lovers will smile about when they open the package. They support the Center's work and conservation efforts. They train vets and conservations, from around the world, a few times a year, about the wolves, and the have an annual Wolf Week, usually in the Fall, when you get a great opportunity to spend time with wild animals, who seem so familiar as progenitors of dogs, and are very incredible sentient beings.

However, onward to the Willamette Valley, Benton County, Oregon home to some of the best wineries and organic farms and restaurants in the US. http://bit.ly/dHo2SF

I have two friends who are on a 5 acre ranchette there and will spend time with them, toasting the new lives we have created in the past few years, and introduce my niece to them, since they do have an enclosed riding area and no current horses in residence.

There are many reasons to take to the road when the urge strikes. Most people go from point A to B, without much diversion into the nether areas, past the speed signs, and miles of empty vistas.

I like to be a little more adventurous, and always find the most intense self-conversations going on, between my ego and true self, when lost on the road, metaphorically mirroring the state of mind I had when departing from point A, and clearing out the questions of my life as one gas tank after the other is filled along the way.

During the trip, the destination becomes less of a care, as new people, road signs and weather systems force me off my path, and onto unknown, terra firma. It is always a surprise, a challenge, or an opportunity to see if I can deal with the world, without any of my back up support at home.

It is traveling without a home, without a safe haven, and only the name and address of that night's eco-friendly hotel, or, at least, a quiet top floor, with a view, provides the dreams of my future.

I shall enjoy a glass of The Grand Cuvee Pinot Noir 2006 from Belle Vallee Cellars,   with my niece, one evening. It is a little expensive for a college student, with large boarding fees and vet exams, for a 1500 lb thoroughbred, however the $42.00 bottle always goes well with some of the Willamette valley's finest goat cheese, wrapped in Dill.

This little piece of heaven on earth, the Willamette Valley, is hailed, by visitors and wine connoisseurs,  as a wine region that rivals Burgundy, France, in production of premium wines such as Pinot Noir, Pinot Gris, Chardonnay and Gewürztraminer.

I know Gewürztraminer is not your favorite wine, or for that matter, may never have read the word, on a printed page, or wine label before, but believe me, as a woman who has some French DNA, in her veins, it is a little bit of liquid heaven for someone like me, who loves white wines, to be with someone who can actually pick a great Gewürztraminer, let alone pick the right bread, cheese and Spanish tapas to go with it. That man, with that palate, gets something special in his Christmas stocking, if I ever find him. Rare palate and man, indeed!

Gewûrz means "spicy" in German. It is the main characteristic of Gewurztraminer. Traminer means "coming from Tramin", a small city in the south Tyrol, where the grape originated. 

The wine is delicious, fruity and with strong aromas, a very perfumed and flowery bouquet. Riesling is sweeter and better suited for drinking with lobster tail and garlic smothered mussels. Just warning you, incase you are a Riesling fanatic.

Gewurztraminer is a thick and rich wine, and is better with sauerkraut, sausages and an Alsatian cheese, such as Munster, with curry seasoned dishes, Chinese and Mexican cooking.

I  love to drink it with a piece of chocolate cheese cake, slathered with dollops of whipped crème with cinnamon, and shaved Swiss, hazelnut chocolate bits. And some of the best Gewürztraminer vines have been planted, harvested, and bottled just a few hours south of this girl's driveway.

When I was in San Francisco over Thanksgiving, I headed down to John Walker's Wine Shop on Sutter, which is somewhere I spent a lot of time when living in SF, years ago. I get excited when I walk in the door and look across the rows and rows of shiny bottles, and soon to be discovered new varieties. If you ever have some time on your hands, wander in, and enjoy the history of the oldest wine shop in SF, starting back in 1933. Here is a picture of John Walker, Wine Merchant.

I also went to the Wine Club and tasted their Chardonnays'  bouquets, over TG weekend.

It is a pleasant thing for a single woman, who likes great food and wine, to do, when traveling alone. Adds a little zest to a day of meeting friends, gazing into shop windows, and needing a little down time from the busy city streets.

For a small tasting fee. you can taste and talk wine, and maybe encounter some handsome, erudite men, who are out buying wines for their next homemade dinner, for some woman they are trying to impress into their bed chamber's mysteries. A man who knows foods and wine, and actually understands what it takes to make them, is a good guy to know. You will always be well dined and intrigued.

The other place I will be heading for some of the best cake and honey on the planet is the Trappist Abbey in 9200 NE Abbey Road | PO Box 97 | Lafayette, OR 97127, located  in the foothills of the Willamette Valley, on 1,358 acres.

The monks and nuns are famous for their Creamed Honey, and Fruit and Nut Cakes.

 

 

Check out the www.Trappistbakery.com and here is the link: http://bit.ly/fERq7c .

Your purchase helps supports the 32 monks .

The original monks arrived from Pecos, New Mexico, decades ago, and turned these acres into a wonderful, holy, organic wonder. They finally got a church built and dedicated in 2007, and are still hoping for a pipe organ, so they are looking for a benefactor. Check them out and do order some of their delicacies. You will be happy.

So, how did I start this blog today? Oh, I was Christmas shopping on line and realized some of the best Christmas and Hanukah presents will be found on my road trip coming up this week.

I will also get to spend a few hours in the research library, at the University, and meet with some people who might even have some job leads for me, since I am looking for a new mission in my field of technical writing, and they are developing a lot of new software programs, in the area.

I could also work at a winery and write their marketing materials. Anything can happen, while you are on the road. The great thing is you never have to worry about something happening. It always does.

What Is It With Men, Now?

copyright 2010 by Danise Codekas

 

“How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.” Oscar Wilde

What is it with men? Lots of angry, frustrated men around, lately. No, none of them are involved with me (maybe that is the problem;)) however lots of men who are pulling away from women, big time.

Was talking to a new friend the other night and he was on a campaign to prove that he has stopped committing to relationships with women and was now only serial dating for the rest of this life. Good idea if love doesn't grab his ass first. One never knows what will appear before one, on a stroll up Columbus Avenue, or do head bang into one on Broadway.

Happenstance and incredulity sniff around humans, all the time, and one never knows when they will leave dormant state because it is time for one to begin interacting with other humans, reverently and euphorically.

Does he realize when he closes the door on the possibility of committed male-female relationship, he could end up the oldest, orneriest, loneliest man on the planet, along with the other post-divorce, 40 and 50 year old buddies, who are sitting at the other end of the bar, with a group of 20-30 year old women between them?

Ya, it worked for him in high-school and college, however, he has decided to break long-standing emotional habits, and become a bed jumper in his 50's.

Ok, so I am a bit jaded by the fact that I am not a 19 year-old nurse, or a 22 year old Project Manager, or any of those other things women work at when they are in their late teens to late 30's. However, it sounded to me like his wife burned him, he had to start life all over again at 50, and he is going to prove to the world he still can hold his staff up straight and proud. Ok, good for him.

I am sure he will find loads of women to be with the new, non-committed, serial non-monogamist, anywhere he goes now. However, can you really change your stripes, once you have worn them for 40 some years?

I guess you can and look forward to talking with him again in about 3 or 4 months, to see where his new declaration of independence has driven him to, in this crazy, anything goes sexual adventure, so many are driven to after their main relationship goes crashing to the ground in angry, vengeful, and hopelessly out-of-control flames. It is too sad to think about.

Or, maybe, I am just out of touch with the dating world of men, who were abandoned by long-time lovers, wives and girlfriends. When I left mine, a cave for a few months of mourning, crying and dealing with anger, was were the road led me. Then, one morning, I awoke and began smiling again, since the lessons learned from the relationship(s) became clear and, hopefully, never to be repeated again.

It never discouraged me from believing that there would be someone more suitable, for the re-charged, re-generated me. The thought of serial dating became out-worn, after a few trysts and many flirtatious encounters. It all came down to the fact that I had to pull my life together, work, and get back around people who were doing exciting things, which nudged me into trying new things or travelling to new places.

Serial, non-monogamous dating was something we all do in the teens through 30's. A lot of men get married in their 30's now, according to some stats, I was looking at, and, like all stats, they also showed many of these relationships broke apart after the first or second child came along.

Breeding is important to both sexes, at one point in their lives. I think a lot of the time, that drive clouds the face and facts about the other person in the relationship. Don't want to generalize here, yet, that is what men are telling me. The best thing they got out of their ex-relationship was a child.

I had coffee with 2 men in SF, the other day. They were sitting at the only large table, for my net book, in the coffee shop, and I am not that ugly, so I smiled and asked softly, if I could join them.

We twirled around a few general topics and then, for some reason, I asked them what was on my mind, which was if either of them had ever cheated in a relationship.Ya, that is one way to cool a coffee encounter, for sure.

However, they both grabbed that bone, and went off on what made them cheat, who they cheated on, and when it was more likely to occur, in their relationships. Both of them, voiced a similar opinion which is that they were tired of women telling them what to do, all the time.

This usually began after about 5 dates with sex. Both of them were in their forties and both had ended long term relationships, in the previous year. I asked them why they had allowed her to tell them what to do, and both of them looked like I was delirious, and said, because of the sex. Wanting to have sex with her, they gave up their power.

They were smart in recognizing their pattern, however, the only way to avoid it post-relationship, was to have multiple sexual dates, and no commitments or desire to be with one woman, any longer. They also told me that San Francisco was filled with women who only wanted to get it on, once or twice, and everyone knew that was how things were in the dating world among their friends.

I realize how easy hook-ups are with cell phones, and tweets, and one guy told me that he had a woman in Berkeley, who he meets up with once a week, when she comes over to SF to pick her husband up at SFO, every week.

The other guy told me that there's a lot of infidelity among their married friends, and many couples just accept it. It is a "norm" to blow off stress and still have someone to pay the mortgage with you.

This flows into a conversation I had with a female friend who told me that everyone has cheated at some point in their lives. I argued that point with her. That is not true; just another generalization.

One thing I did realize, watching them, was there was an anger and a loneliness, in their voices and body movements. Maybe, there are a lot of angr, lonely men out there. More than I realized, which makes it hard to make a connection that matters, since there is a fear of connection with some men, and so things don't last longer than a few weeks.

I am thinking about this and paying more attention to the men I do know. I am going to talk to my brothers about it. It is something we have never discussed and I think a good time will be in the next few weeks, after they have had their grogs and Irish Coffee. Strange universe we live in.

Strange seeing things through mens' eyes, in a city where there is a general malaise over jobs, housing, relationships and politics.

There were men I met who were happy and involved with women, however, I did not really get into these types of discussions with them, as since they are friends, I just assumed everything was ok, with their partners.

Well, I am going have to ask some more questions about these revelations over the holidays, and see what's up here in the Northwest. Ladies, be kind and gentle and quit telling your men what to do all the time. They can dial a phone, open the front door, and probably kiss pretty good.

So, enjoy them, because if you aren't, there is another woman waiting out there who may take over for you. At least, that is what I was told in San Francisco.

“You can't stop loving or wanting to love because when its right, it's the best thing in the world. When you're in a relationship and it's good, even if nothing else in your life is right, you feel like your whole world is complete.”   Keith Sweat

A comment from Ty, [link below] also shows that the financial loss from a divorce also causes men to choose to remain unattached. He makes a good point.

What a Friggin' Day

(Copyright 2010 by Danise Codekas)

"A certain recluse, I know not who, once said that no bonds attached him to this life, and the only thing he would regret leaving was the sky."--Kenko Yoshida

 

One of those days, we all have, when what we expect to happen, doesn't, and the neatly arranged scenario of the imaginary play we constructed before awakening, gets re-edited, ripped apart, and maybe even shredded. You know, THAT kind of day.

December 2, 2010 was a ride over to the post office in Gig Harbor,  a little food gathering for the sustenance requirements for the coming week, do some paper work, do some research, look at job ops. That all fell to hell in a hand basket by 1PM.

Am I the only one in the universe that gets upset when money does not show up? Does it freeze my brain and stops me from breathing, for a while, as breaths turn into exasperations, and then turns into encroachments into contentment? Yes. You, too?

Thank God, I have a sister, who was born on April Fools' Day. She always tells me how it could be worse, even though, her day was pretty rotten, too. Hers topped mine, since she is a realtor, and a final signing, on a realty deal was happening today.

However, the megabank who held the loan, decided to call in the house and foreclose on it, 2 days before her clients were to purchase it. The bank decided to foreclose, rather than let the new buyers have it, and the deal was going to save the credit rating, security clearance and job of an army officer, and his family at Ft. Lewis.

The bank said that they did not care, they had changed the foreclosure date, they were taking the house back, and did not care the buyers had already been approved and were about to pay the bank what was owed on the loan. Now, that is a bad day for a half-million dollar deal that went down, for my sister.

She also reminded me that I could be disabled, living in a car, or have a bad head cold, like my brother does tonight. None of these things do I have now, so I am ok. I told her how friggen' mad I was with the government, and her comment was, "well, what do you expect, it is the government, you are supposed to be mad at them."

I was going to write about something entirely different, that had to do with my trip to San Francisco. Maybe I am losing my mind, up here on top of this hill above Puget Sound. That must be it. I do not have enough to entertain me. I need to move or get my electric guitar tuned.

Moving is always a pain, since my greatest stress comes from dissolving the old space, packing up, throwing away, dropping off things at different charities, and then comes the search for a new place. It could be San Francisco.

The only negative thing about San Francisco is parking spaces in North Beach, which is where I would hole up should I return. The other thing is that a lot of the people, I know, are all scrambling to keep things together, like the rest of the world, only in the city it is more obvious to see those that have and those that do not.

Think that a lot of people will be in for shocks, next year, as the economy gets worse and more jobs are lost, in sectors previously immune to this downturn. The number of government contracting jobs is supposed to be reduced by 20-35%,next year, since Congress is screaming for reductions in salaries and positions. They are urging officials to fill more defense jobs with military personnel, and cut the budgets big time, now.

The only thing bad about this is a lot of the stuff contractors do, are not learned overnight, like software development and hardware network topologies. It doesn't matter to me, any longer, since I am not involved with them anymore, however, once contractors are pushed out into the "real" world, there will be more competition for the work I am looking for now.

San Francisco was a good hit for me, as I finally realized how much I enjoy being in the city, meeting people and hearing new ideas, and the opportunity to become involved in some very interesting escapades, which use the other side of my brain.

A girl needs that every so often, otherwise, life gets taken too seriously, and lightening up attitudes requires adventures and new adjectives. There are also good looking men around, which does put a good spin on flirtatious walk bys and refined discourse.

Barbara Sher has a great line:

"Whenever you love something, you absolutely must move in close and take a careful look at it. Something in there is calling to you, and you've got to pay attention. Until you KNOW WHY you love something, you can't follow it--and you can't abandon it either."

That is what is bothering me today. It is not the fact that a check did not arrive, it is simply that my entire consciousness has been deciding on where to move to next, and, San Francisco is looking better each day.

I had fun and I had art. I had heady conversations and wonderful meals, with old and new friends. I met Andy, John, Ka (again), Beth, Hugh, Dawn, Chick and Winston. Ate at Capp's and drank the ouzo, while John saved the mouse. Satisfied my Italian palate at L'Osteria and Little Star Pizza,   and sipped latte's, at Trieste, with a friend, and enjoyed a wonderful home cooked turkey and champagne dinner, at a lovely home, with dear friends.

My feelings about staying put here, on this hill, above the Puget Sound, are crawling all over my mind and heart, now, that I see the possibilities and are re-acquainted with the challenges.

I have "backup" here, in the NW. Family, friends and a place I know well, including fast routes over forest back roads through 200 ft. high trees, and where to buy K-1 kerosene for the auxiliary heater, or high and low tides for the beach walking.

I know, the familiar facts of daily life are very seductive and can make the effort required, to uproot my life and move 800 miles away, seem like another crazy-ass idea. I am not immune to these types of ideas, however, as many friends and cohorts know. Hence, my life story and the many places that hold my footprints.

However, I have lived through many such ideas and managed to enjoy the end results.

I should not have gone to the De Young Museum to see the French Expressionists' exhibit:"Van Gogh, Gauguin, Cézanne and Beyond: Post-Impressionist Masterpieces from the Musée d’Orsay".

Cézanne, Gauguin, Lautrec and van Gogh, and the Nabis painters, Bonnard and Vuillard were all there, hanging in room after room, and me exhilarated to be standing in front of them again. It has been a while since I have been in Paris.

The Orsay’s incredible collection of Pointillist painters including work by Seurat and Signac had me sitting on the purple, tufted circular sofa's, gasping for air, the color and brush strokes were so over-whelming. Once they return to the Musee d'Orsay, will almost, certainly never be lent out, all together again.

With thanks to my dear friend, Ronni, for taking me, the day I was leaving San Francisco. It was the one-two punch I needed to add another checkmark, on the PRO side, of the argument, for returning to San Francisco.

It is the most enchanting, lovely, lively, conscious-raising, personality plus city on the West Coast. It has a real zing to it.

As I grow older, I am tired of being around people who are not out enjoying, every day, of the rest of their lives, and many wish-fulfilling, heart opening, and artistic panaceas is available in San Fran, and others like it.

No, I have not made a decision, however, I am eliminating places through comparative analysis, by visiting them, which many of you know I have been doing for the past 2 or 3 years. I have just been offered a place on Kauai, for a month, next year, if I want it, also. I am considering it, since it is at the opposite end of the spectrum, as compared to San Fran, however, it also provides the emotional juice I need in my life, in its beauty, energy and majesty.

It could come down to living in all a few places, during the year, like Santa Fe, for all I know. The Northwest is my power place, now, and family is here, so love and tender memories are  the drawing cards, for spending time up here.

 

 

All this supposition, decision, challenging temptations, and realistic research into each place, eventually, will lead me somewhere new. Think it may be a decision for the coming year. 2011 seems to be the time for change and relocation and new work. January 1, 2011 is only 28 days away.  

There is also loneliness and isolation in a big city. It holds out all emotions, for display, and encountering angry, dissatisfied people in growing numbers, can be part of your day, also. Same up here. So, I can forget these issues.

I have stayed for weeks  or years in New York, D.C. (named after me), San Fran, London, Paris, Buenos Aires, Mar Del Plata, Lima, Mexico City, Guadalajara, Rio, Quito, Frankfurt, Shanghai, Madras, Bangalore, Singapore, Bangkok, Nice, Mazatlan, Santa Fe, Tokyo, Kona, Cuzco, Bariloche, Calcutta, Zurich, Santa Barbara, Rome, Florence, Alexandria, Arles, and Seattle.

Been around the planet a few times and loved all of it, not that there weren't lonely times or difficult times, in some of these places, however, I have had a taste of what the world's cities have to offer.

It is always a matter of heart and energy in choosing a new place.

It also comes down to that little inner voice that cries for new conversations, different foods, friends and that thing we all search for which has to be exquisitely delightful and fulfilling in many ways we may not be aware of until we encounter them there.

The main thing for me is can I live my writing life, productively, sleep in peace  at night, and find the mental stimulation and music during the day? North Beach is like that at night.

 

My house on a  hill above the Puget Sound is also tranquil. The Northwest  is called the Land of the Matriarchs by the West Coast, Native American tribes.

Kauai is both serene and powerful, with balanced male/female energy, whereas Santa Fe, brings me into center field with earth energy.

I could also be running away from things, inside myself, or running to something or someone, I need in my life. Another conundrum, it seems. Are you in this same quandary, in your life now? I feel for you, babe, if you are nodding your head.

Action will be the only way to encounter the thing you are dueling with, in your heart and brain. So, I guess it is time to listen to Gerry Rafferty and listen to Baker Street and Get It Right Next Time, in my little house above the bay.

San Fran-Days 3 and 4

Well, seems I lost two days in SF, and that should be a good thing if you are having a good time while on the road, and enjoying the company and adventures along the way.

Went back to my old hunting ground, North Beach, and wandered around remembering the delicious memories from times past. Ate at L’Osteria on Columbus after spending  an hour at City Lights, reading quick passages in books which intrigued me.

It is one of the best collections of Intelligencia’s creations, in SF. There should be such a bookstore in every city over 500 people in the US. Food for Mind Expansion, extraordinaire.

The Trieste was not full and P and I sat outside enjoying our coffee, discussing past events and people we shared our lives with when we both lived there, when it was our center of the universe.

We also decided it was the first place we would choose to live in if the time came to relocate again. 

It is one of those places where you remember you met someone there.

I remember my one block walk down the hill from my house on Kearney, in the mornings, and the steep walk back up, in the evenings, after spending time with friends and about to be friends, discussing our daily adventures and intrigues.

Gossip, political activism, relationships and creations being written and tables, all melt together in a cacophony of immeasurable, personal satisfaction and expansion.

It is just one of those places that create the atmosphere for communication and social expansions. Walking into another cafe, yesterday morning, almost everyone was sitting working on laptops, It was as if no one wanted to communicate and there was little interaction among the occupants.

It was a dead zone for social interaction. The Trieste demands eye contact, and creates that atmosphere that allows you to talk to the stranger at the next table. It has something special; so rare among Wi-Fi cafes, now.

After returning to the house, Dawn arrived and entertained us with her latest artistic creations which are going on the Internet today for sale. We sat talking and sharing earth’s mind-expanding bounties, and by1am, I drifted off to bed smiling about how lucky I am to have such friends and places to remember when I return to my place  above the Puget Sound.

Tonight, there will be another adventure downtown, with friends and foods, and when I arrive at SFO, smiling, there will be memories to write about again, on the 2 hour flight home,

Revertially Bowing to Adventures and Adventurers: Day 2-San Fran

Copyright2010 by Danise Codekas

One of the great joys about traveling is you never know what is going to happen next,
even if you plan on a the next moment taking place. Realistically, this could be my last breath, and I try to keep balance in my life by repeating that thought, to myself ,whenever I am afraid to take action, or if something comes along of such an unusual nature, and I hesitate to appreciate its power, to possibly rip me out of my habitual activities; the ones which we all follow, in somnolence, which,i f stopped, can lead us into a new dimension, paradigm or relationship, or get us killed.

Spent most of the day writing, talking, eating, and cogitating. If I don’t write every day, my gyroscope gets a little wobbly and something begins knocking against my brain, which is usually another part of the story which needs to be released into the cosmos. As I get closer to the end of my life, my life speeds up in order to experience as much of life as it can before heading into other worlds. I can sit for hours thinking, as all of us do from time to time. Writers’ tendency to find the explanation for their feeling or experience, sometimes takes decades, before the explanation and realization arises, as to what actually changed them and why they chose the path they did at the time.

Luckily, the understanding, of how it all fits, into their world, and affects the outer worlds, of their existence, occurs in a split second of clarity, and in my experience, the realization and understanding involves a  sentence or word, which encompasses the totality, of whatever it was I was trying to figure out. I tend to believe that most people are incredulous when the truth reveals itself, and it is always overshadowed by one of the simple laws of the universe. I had a few of those moments today.

One of the joys of spending time with friends is the reflections of self, that are mirrored back during conversations. You get to experience the truth about yourself and also see how far away from crazy you are  located, or, how close to madness, you were before the reflections appeared in the mirror. Friends do that for one another, usually without realizing their importance to you. It is nice to let them know you value them, and today I bought my friend a new tea pot, as thanks, for her reflections. Now, I know a tea pot is not a big offering for such a gift, however, my friend and I have spent many tea pots of time together, discussing our lives and dreams, throughout the decades of our friendship.

We have shared friends with one another. I gave her my best friend, Cyndy , when I moved out of San Francisco. She was there while Cyndy was dying, a year I would choose to forget forever.

When I gave the eulogy, to a few hundred of Cyndy's friends and family, realizing how the connections would grow across time and space, I never imagined 15-20 years later, I would meet John, tonight at dinner, who knew Cyndy, because of another simple introduction between friends,  once again proving the theroy --Three Degrees of Separation .  My friend, in turn, has introduced me to her friends, which prove to be interesting, insightful and adventurous, in one way or another. A girl needs adventure, a writer needs the insights of others, and my life needs to be interesting, in order to continue on paths, which can be lonely, challenging and introspective.

I am here to see if San Francisco can be home again. Walking the streets tonight, enjoying the city, made me realize I have missed walking city streets. There is always something of interest, something that catches the eye, something that makes an impression. It is fodder for a writer, as are the mountains and wild animals that lay at my feet, in the Pacific Northwest. I love both. Which do I need now? Which environment will bring me to the next indicated thing in my life. That is what I am here to discover. My decision to change my life again is in process; where that leads me is still unknown, however, the quest is now in process, and eventually the answer will arise for me.

Every aspect of life feeds creativity in me. I will enjoy doing some more investigating into the charms of the city, tomorrow, when I visit the Asian Art Museum, with no plans for the rest of the day. That is the plan and plans change. It is 5:02 am and tomorrow is now today. 

I think planning is sometimes overrated by those who are afraid to leap, when the universe sends in a curve ball, or a person who is a little crazier than you and not afraid to break down a few doors, to find treasures. They do not care if there is no treasure. The only thing, that is important, is they tried to do it. The act of trying is just as important as breaking down the door, and finding possible surprises. Don’t pretend to be interested in life, then shirk from it, when someone offers you an opportunity, to create a little havoc in your life.

Plans are meant to be changed: they are only ideas, not reality. It does not become reality, until you are breaking into places, which you had not planned to enter, and realize you always were meant to be there. You don’t have the key to the door, but you are sure, that what lies beyond is more important, more exciting,  than what you planned on doing that day, and you never needed the key anyway.

I am tired from all the fun, today, filled with interesting conversations and the best chicken sambucca, cooked by my caring friend. We enjoyed it with one of her favorite people, who was thoroughly entertaining, erudite, and well-read,  and was never afraid to break into new sociological paradigms, where he was not invited, but once he got in, bringing others along with him, he knew they would enjoy the journey, once they realized they were holding the keys. All they had to do was realize anything is possible, even the improbable: a visionary and humble man, all wrapped up in energetic visualizations, who transformed the lives of thousands of people, without many of them realizing, he was and is a catalyst for change.

How many of us get to meet a creative visionary, who helped create an artistic, transformative paradigm, during their lifetime? He may not like this acknowledgement, since that humble, down-to-earth, sincerity is there too, however, he is not afraid to act, which shakes the world out of its somnolence. People like  him, take you to the edge of your reality, then jump over the edge, right along side you, knowing all along, that the ride through space has to happen before the next indicated thing arrives.

So, it was Black Friday in San Francisco, and to dishonor, of one of the most celebrated, dysfunctional days, inside the American Republic, I paid full price, $12.99, for the tea pot, at the local Divisidero, hardware store, a block from the Independent.

It was a simple act of social rebellion, to counter-balance those, so tied into the mass shopping hysteria, who are calling me a fool now for paying full price. To earn the full scoff, of those who shopped, I also waited until 7pm, so that any shopping conquerors, still wandering the streets, in “I got the best deal“ ego satisfaction, illusions, would be home, asking themselves why they wasted 5 hours of their lives, or maxed out credit cards, and like the good sheeple, they are, drove to malls, zombie-like, at 4:00 am, to stand in lines, in front of stores, mind-sucked by advertising moguls, so that transitory objects are beatified and bestowed sainthood by the masses.

I am waiting to see the announcement for the first Vomitorium, like ancient Rome's, to handle the expulsion of their shopping, over-indulgence psychoses.

So, I sit here while North Korea attacks South Korea, again. Afghanistan and Kashmir are being decimated, as cultures, by those who seek to control poppy production, and strategic, nuclear missile sites.

Another 20,000 children starved to death, China declared the US dollar valueless,US Congress is going to stop paying Federal Extended Unemployment Benefits, affecting 40 million, US citizens, which include their families, and the economy, of their cities and villages,  and many may have to live on the streets, in their cars, but not on the Capitol Mall, which is where they should go to, so they are seen and not forgotten by their Congressmen and the President‘s advisers.

And Monday night, I may have and adventure with friends,in the San Francisco night that  relieves some of the tension in our lives. We understand the insanity of the collusion of world super powers, the possibility of nuclear annihilation, the lack of coverage by mass media, in the past days, that a Chinese, missile-bearing ship, fired  a missile, along the Southern California coast, while cruising  by US waters. Yes, they fired a missile, to let us all know they can do it, and you didn’t know because we accepted their excuse, or else you were shopping.

I think I need coffee since it is 5:36am, and ready to begin the day I began writing about last night.

First Night - San Francisco

Well, the turkey has been consumed, the carcass was won by Hugh and Ka, who will prepare a wonderful turkey stew or maybe some turkey tetrazinni. Putting a 20lb turkey carcass in a garbage bag, they skipped out onto McAllister carrying the carcass, and a box of pumpkin pie, baked by the amazing Jody. P is in the kitchen with me at 1PM, with plunger in hand trying to unplug blocked kitchen sinks, jammed by 20lbs of turkey fat from the Thanksgiving Bacchanalia.My head has returned to normal after consuming 5 glasses of Tott's Brut, and we are preparing for another dinner party here tonight, with chicken sambucca on the menu.

The party lasted until 1am, and P and I spent an hour laughing over conversations from the party. Ronnie and Trevor were preparing to brave Black Friday's shopping madness, seeking out the perfectly priced big-screen TV. They were planning on heading out at 10am this morning, however my bet is they are just getting in the car now at 130pm, in order to let the alcohol and tryptiphan hangovers subside.

Yesterday travels proved to be a perfect opportunity to work at 39,999 feet in the air, as my companions were all enjoying the Virgin America hospitality and minimal crowds at airports. The shuttles from SFO to Divisidero and McAlister usually run around 17.00. Yesterday, as things were so slow, my shuttle guy told me he would take me direct for 45.00. I said, no, 20 minutes later, after we waited for other possible passengers to choose his services, we departed, alone for my destination in the city. He was upset about the fact that there were no other riders.So I gave him an unusually large tip, since before he handed me my bag he said, "OK, beautiful lady, here you go".

Beth, who I met last night, proved to be the best massage therapist ever when she provided many of us with back, neck and head massages, during after-dinner laughter and coffee. The tie-in with people, understanding the three degrees of separation rule, was amazing as always, as those who I had not seen in 20/30 years, knew mutual friends of ours. A sterling nights,when a large group of people have common interests , loves and friends from years ago.

Conversations ran riot across topics. Michaelangelo, Sistine Chapel invasion by tourists who do not pay silent homage to its wonders, divorces, new and old loves, passions, politics, and dysfunctional family relationships, food, wine, and even a poem recitation by Beth, who is in a writer's group with P.

My next few days here will be filled with more dinner parties, visits to the Asian Art Museum at 1PM Saturday, alone, to stand in front of Buddha's and art from millennium past. We may go play pool, one afternoon, a shared interest with Jody, which we discovered last night during dinner.Since we both like Martini's, as does P, that perfect SF bar and pool room could  prove an amusing diversion, for a few hours.I am also planning on heading up Clement Street to visit my favorite Chinese Tea Store, where I can sit and sip samples if their incredible varieties, and purchase PUR tea, which I love so much, budgeting around 50.00 for tea pleasures at home.

I also discovered a line I can use now, to get men I like, steered over to my blog. When I gave Andy my card, last night, I told him to check out my blog site and he could read all about my sexual adventures. He laughed, when I burst out laughing, when his eyes widened after my comment. Men are such wonderful creatures, especially when they show an intelligent sense of humor.

So, the first night in San Francisco proved to be enjoyable and gastronomically satisfying. What better way to enjoy yourself, than sharing great food and champagne with new and old friends, intense conversations, laughter and poetry recitals. I also got to WOW them with one of my favorite alliterations, which I love to memorize, now, as I did as a high school senior in Speech class.

Tonight's dinner at P's, with John and other old/new friends is only a few hours away, and already I look forward to another wonderful San Francisco night. If any of you who know me, have some extra time to spend with me, supping coffee or having a glass of wine, want to meet for a few hours, call my cell or email me, and I'll be there. You have until Tuesday  at 6PM, when I fly out of SFO.

Throwing the Wedding Ring Away

             by Danise Codekas, copyright2010

“In rivers, the water that you touch is the last of what has passed and the first of that which comes; so with present time.”

          Leonardo da Vinci

It was an unusual day. What started out to be a day of preparing for my visit to San Francisco, turned into a day of observation and remembering things about my past.

Shopping for a new dress and pants, turned into a two and half hour marathon in dressing rooms, aisles blocked by frustrated parents trying to soothe their tired children, and me asking a Spanish speaking couple if the mini-skirt I was holding was blue or black, which turned into a lovely foray, of 15 minutes, with them talking about Peru, where I would like to return to one day.  Laughing and talking with them made me feel really good, as they were so delightfully gracious in over-looking some of my faulty Castellan sentence structures.

After escaping the Nordstrom madness, I headed out to meet up with two friends of mine, at Anthony's for lunch. We usually meet up before the holidays, to catch up and delve into personal issues, as men and women do who have been friends for many years. The only problem was the icy roads and parking lot spaces whose divider lines were hidden under piles of snow and ice.

The sun came out for an hour, and Dierks Bentley had just finished singing, Draw Me A Map, when I finally gave up figuring out where the lines were supposed to be, slammed on the brakes so I could have some fun skidding on the ice, parked, and alighted smiling from the Subaru.

After lunch, I came home asking myself if I was crazy for having divested myself of all jewelry given to me by the men in my past. My two friends were wearing jewelry from past husbands, which pretty much could have bought 20 Subaru's, and probably installed Bose speakers in all of them.

Ok, the discussion started when I noticed friend#1's, square cut diamond ring. True, I hate platinum, it has to be yellow gold for me, however, looking at the 4 carat,square cut diamond, with the other 4 carats of supporting diamonds was an OMG moment, even though, mine would have been an emerald or sapphire, with the 8 carats supporting it.

I had never seen it before and she was wearing it on her engagement ring finger. It was from ex-husband #2. Friend#2, had on her diamond wedding ring from ex-husband #3, and it's facets were making rainbows, inside my Ouzo glass, it was so sparkly.

I had on my size 8, Renaissance design, amethyst, ruby, tourmaline, and sapphire ring, which I bought myself, for Christmas, last year, in 22K brushed Venetian gold. So, ok, they win the sparkle contest, however mine won the design and power ring contest. I had to confess, to them, I never had an engagement ring.

I have a tendency to usually say what is on my mind, which is a good thing when ordering ouzo. I prefer Ouzo Barbayanni from Lesvos, however, Ouzo Kefi or Matis, will do. In this case, I asked them both how could they wear rings from 2 men who caused them so much pain. Of course, they came back with the fact they had earned the right to wear them.

I could never do that since remembering the sadness of the past would be tied to the jewelry. They said, I was crazy to have thrown my wedding rings away, as I could have sold them. That wasn't the point, for me. It was a matter of getting to a place in my life where there was no more anger, bitterness, or thoughts of vengeance. I had become happy and whole again.

One ring is at the bottom of the Ganges, and the other, is at the bottom of the Bering Sea. Just one of those moments in time, when you suddenly don't feel anything except the need to release the past and finally let go of all those things that caused pain and tears. I had a new life, was on exciting adventures, and my heart was whole again.

It took a few years, for each arm-stretching fling, out, across those two bodies of water, to occur, however, I felt like I do, whenever I can get a whole row of skips, when skipping a stone across the top of the water. Exhilaration of accomplishment.

None of the jewelry I own is from men, I have been with in the past. Precious pieces from the female hierarchy in my family, all treasured, as are the lovely pieces from nieces and nephews, over the years. There is nothing in my home that came from a past relationship, since I could never stand to look at something "we" had purchased together, and thereby be plunged into a past that is past. Am I crazy? I don't think so.

My memories of those men are mixed with good and bad, and, in the end, that is all I will take with me, anyway. When I travel to San Francisco, Thanksgiving Day, there are streets I shall walk there, and in Berkeley, where I will remember men I have lived with in the past.

Our houses and apartments are still there, occupied by the new ones, who are happy in them, I hope. I never stayed in them, for long, after the end of a relationship. They also held ghosts from the past, and, sometimes, I think, to have stayed would have brought more unhappiness, in moments of memory, resurrected without request.

Driving home, I remembered an argument I had with an old boyfriend, in a grocery store in San Francisco, which began while I was reaching for stalks of fresh, purple asparagus. He blurted out that he had spent the night with his old girlfriend, when he was supposed to be in the grad library, studying for a French exam.

"Voulez-vous ce soir avec des asperges agneau?", I asked him, then threw purple asparagus stalks at him, as he walked away. (Do you want asparagus with the lamb tonight?). I went home, grilled the lamb and asparagus and shared it with my neighbor who had me laughing, at the end of the night, recounting what things she had thrown at her old boyfriend, in San Diego. I never threw another thing at a man, after that. I might have to eat them someday.

We all have things that we hold onto when we end relationships. Usually, it is the fear of becoming involved again and hopefully that only lasts a few years, until we can let go of the past, and see what is right in front of us, smiling and ready to enjoy life with us, anew. We will always make mistakes in these relationships, however, if you are with the right person, they are allowed, and forgiven, before you both fall asleep in one another's arms.

Someday, I will fall asleep in some powerful, warm man's arms, who I pissed off earlier that day. I'll smile knowing I will have to return the favor, of his forgiveness, maybe the next day. However, when I look around at the mementos and gems we have accumulated and shared with one another, I will know they are our energies, unsullied, by men from my past who were not of his ilk, because he understands the power of the past, and how it can sometimes cloak what is before us, in present time.

“The future hasn't happened yet and the past is gone. So I think the only moment we have is right here and now, and I try to make the best of those moments, the moments that I'm in.”

   Annie Lennox

Enchanting and Surprising

“True love cannot be found where it does not exist, nor can it be denied where it does.” Torquato Tasso

Today has been spent surprised by visitations from family; and, research into my past, that resurrected itself, without warning.

So I guess it was a great day. Always interesting when the past resurrects a topic or person who influenced your mind, and changed your life, as Michel Foucault did mine when I met him at Berkeley in 1980, in the main library, one afternoon. For the next few years, had the pleasure of getting to know him, talking about our travels, and how views and ideology can change, just being in a new location on the planet.

I also sat in on a few of his philosophy seminars in the Fall of  1983. He loved Berkeley, lived in SF, and probably would have spent more years at Berkeley, than in Paris, for a time,  had he not died from AIDS in 1984.

I remember when he lectured in Zellerback Hall and thousands crammed in, while police blocked off paths, pushed people off steps and away from walkways, until people started yelling and screaming to get to Wheeler Hall, where video screens transmitted the lecture, for another 1000 admirers and critics, of one of the world's greatest living, postmodernism philosophers.

Yes, it was a very good day, since I also had the pleasure of taking my brother and niece to one of my favorite Mexican Restaurants, where I enjoyed the Mexican Pizza, which is one of the great gifts brought to America, by the zany Ixtapa owners .

I also learned how to fill a kerosene heater with a bulb pump, removed a shattered light bulb from a rusted socket, in my antiquarian bathroom, and found out that you can store a 5 gallon kerosene can, safely, without blowing up the house. I also learned that possums do not like coleslaw. So all in all, a satisfying day. I also need to buy long-nosed pliers.

Working on my manuscript, I read Francois Lauruelle's article, The Truth According to Hermes: Theorems on the Secret and Communication, which led me back to Torquato Tasso, who was one of the greatest Renaissance poets, and almost became the king of poets, of Italy, had he not died a few months before the Pope was going to honor him.

I think the hardest thing about writing a book is the research, and not because the research is difficult. It is because, like today, while researching I meandered in many different directions, across the Internet, as I tried to work through another chapter on this book I am writing about men, which includes insights on ethics, relationships and mythology. So, the Internet playground seduced me away,propelled me into the past, and I ended back where I started, with a lot more packages of info to unload from my mind, then finally arrived, staring at the last period, of the last sentence in the manuscript, and wrote a few more pages.

Taking in all this information today will propel me into something new tomorrow or maybe next week, when I am at Berkeley again. Strolling around campus, which should be quiet, over the Thanksgiving break, memories will arise, and maybe the Bears Lair will be open, and I can sit and have glass of something, while I remember the first time I saw the Talking Heads (remember them?) playing in the square, while the old, blond, naked lady danced while the Japanese Tour Bus occupants watched and photographed her, and David Bryne and Chris Franz went crazy, taking us to the river and burning down the house.

I want to be somewhere warm tonight. Somewhere in a jungle, listening to the sounds of the crickets, yowls of large cats, and monkey yelps. Smelling the air that holds the scents of jungle flowers and soft, damp earth. Something erotic about the jungle at night. It felt that way sometimes, when I was in Kauai last January, lying on the grass, looking at the stars from atop a mountain above Kapaa.

I love the Amazon jungle outside of Quito, Ecuador and Iguaçu Falls, Argentine side. I remember the red dirt at Iguaçu and the dense, heaviness of the air, during the days. The mind slows and the senses sharpen when you are in a jungle. You are aware you are an animal, and there are more dangerous ones around you, watching you, that you never see.

You become aware of limitations, as a human, watching animals jump from vines to trees, and aware of snakes slithering around palm trunks,  50 feet in the air, and incredibly large insects, sitting on leaves which you don't notice until you are upon them, or they jump on the back of your shirt.

I would return to the friends' home, or hotel, in these places, and enjoy the outdoor, sun-warmed shower, sit on the patio, sipping large glasses of cool drinks, as my adrenaline normalized from being on alert walking through pristine, primordial splendor.

One day I would like to go with a man into the jungle and walk with him, like Eve did with Adam. Lay with him on a bed, white sheets, windows open, listening to those sounds which connect you to the earth and its powers. Your brain slows in the jungle, and your think differently, a cadence arises which pulses through your body unlike other places on earth. A slow, evanescent cadence which culminates in soft, sweet slumber.

I can taste the fresh guava juice and the papaya pieces, nibbled, on a porch ,in the Ecuadorian jungle, while a woman hummed to the sky, and remember watching a man and woman walk slowly toward me, past me, into the house, and the door closing to their bedroom. What mysteries did that night hold for them? Sweetness and love and passion, I hope. They were in their 80's and married a few weeks before we met in the jungle paradise. I think of the quote by Gibran, below, and realize how wonderfully the universe provides astonishing surprises and love for us all.

“It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations”

I had a good today, filled with memories, teachings and wonderful food and conversations. I was creative, energized, kind and thoughtful to those who spent time with me. San Francisco, next week, will be unlike any trip I have taken there before. I do not know why I feel that, this morning, at 3am. Something is arising in my orbit about this trip, and like a walk through the jungle, I am aware it is hovering around me, cannot see it, yet know it is there.

Like Tasso's quote below, a piece of my soul that I never knew was missing, will be given to me and I can not tell you how. There are two things about life that I love. It is enchanting and surprising.

“Love is when he gives you a piece of your soul, that you never knew was missing.”Torquato Tasso quote

Want to Dance

Woke up this morning, dancing. The I-Pod kicked in around 8 and there was Journey belting out, Worlds Apart. Threw off the blankets and jumped into the living room and spent a half hour dancing through the house. Doing the thing I love, almost as much as being in bed, with an attentive lover, began remembrances of  nights spent dancing around the planet.

The I-Beam in SF was a fine dancing ground for doing whatever you felt like, in whatever form you chose, as music blared, lights voluted, whirled and helixed across ceilings and walls, and those too cool to dance, drank, smoked weed, tripped on whatever psychedelic happened to walk in the door, wandered around the sidelines, checking out the bodies writhing and moving to the sounds.

Many a night, around 10pm, I would head out of North Beach, to venture into the Haight, to meet friends who had found a place to dance the nights away. There was always someone willing to turn around and grab a new partner and the stage show, which included dancers who needed some exposure and didn't care who was watching, some good, some lacking that connection to all their body parts, and still willing to just get up there and dance because that is what moved them.

Friends who came to town from all around the world would eventually end up at the I-Beam, during their visits. A few did not want to go because they thought it was not cool enough, however, they eventually got into the energy within minutes of walking in the door. It was a huge place. Not as big as Studio 54, since it did not have the balconies, as did 54, plus 54 was about as mesmerizing one could find in New York, then. Everyone ended up there after 11pm, when I was staying in one of my favorite places on the planet.

I love to dance. I find that men who love to dance are men who also know their way around a woman's body, in a way, that men who don't dance, with passionate rhythm, freeze , at some point, in the explorations and touches which makes a woman want to dance on a bed.

Yes, it is a gross generalization, and I apologize to those men who were not dancers, yet entertained me, on those warm San Francisco nights. But, a man who dances is always a man who knows where to put hands, entwine his legs,  and savor the movements of  his lover's gambols and frolics across their cavorting, mindless, moon-framed tastings of one another.

I want to go dancing with a man who wants to know my body. A man who has that intense desire in his eyes, as he follows me across a floor and understands that sometimes, not to touch me, moves me closer to him, like a panther, stealthy, drawing closer, slowly to its prey, and when I am there, drawn by his swaths of sweat and laconic smiles, he knows the place and moment to touch me.

Is there a dance place in San Francisco, now, that has an energy which draws people away from walls, and their illusions of wanting to touch someone, onto the dance floor? I hope so, as I want to go dancing again while I am there over Thanksgiving. The people I am staying with don't go to those places, anymore. Maybe somewhere in the Mission, for a little salsa, or SOMA. I lived in South America and spent many a night in clubs in Mar del Plata, Lima, Quito and Rio. 2 years of my life learning the beats of hot, South American rhythms with a boyfriend named Luis.

Rock, tango, rumba, jazz, blues, country and Ride Sally Ride pulsed through those speakers, and voices, in those places, I danced at around the planet. One night in Madras, India, some friends took me to this jazz-rock club that was packed with about a two thousand people, and it was hot and sweaty, with beer bottles and filled scotch glasses lined 10 deep, across the 30 bars, scattered through the industrial, 4 story building, with Mercedes and scooters double parked, for blocks around. We danced until 4am and the next day, I was smiling, while napping on a flight to Bangalore. That is a dancing-girl's 4 star night, for sure.

One night in Rio, I was invited to head up into the hills, for a birthday party, for the aunt of the maid who cleaned my room for 5 weeks.

One morning she came into my room, and I was standing on the balcony, with my headphones and bathing suit on, dancing to Black Magic Woman. I don't know how long she watched me, but at one point, I turned and she was smiling. She pointed to my headphones and I re-played it for her, and within seconds she was laughing and moving around the room, dancing, too.

That weekend, she and her brother came to the hotel, and drove me up the steep, Rio hillside to their aunt's home.Until dawn, we ate, danced, drank Cuba Libres (rum and coke), as I tangoed and tangled with bodies who loved to dance. Tired, about 40 of us headed to the beach to eat breakfast and swim, then, lay under umbrellas, satiated, as the sun's warmth flooded our bodies, and someone started playing the guitar and lulled me with the songs of women, love, passion and long, lonely nights.

Dancing slow with a dark-haired man, that night, I felt the passion as heat rose from his hands and our bodies touching, as his hands slowly moved across my back and hips. Something about dancing slow, that moves two people into a sensual, erotic moment, that even as strangers, melt the barriers and a sexual desire ignites for a few minutes. Everyone knows it, we just don't talk about it much.

Feeling Alright and Joe Cocker is starting to wail in the living room right now, and I think I need to get in there with him and do some of that Calypso, Hawaiian hip movement thing that seems to work so well, as my hips and shoulders start moving while typing.

So, if you know a good place to dance in SF, over Thanksgiving, let me know the place, date and time. I'll be the one in dancing shoes, tight, black pants and a smile. Really, if you know a place, send me an email at danise@gmail.com. We don't have to meet; but I want to dance.