There Are Good People Out There

I was sitting in the woods today, feeling sorry for myself. Why? Because it is my birthday and at one point the feeling of wanting to do more, be more, arose, and I began to feel maudlin.

The frightening feelings began to arise and the need to cry and weep began to touch my eyelids. What have I missed in life? What have I failed to accomplish?

The idea that I should be more than I am now, with more stuff, more friends, more money assaulted my fragile heart, and I began to mesh anger and frustration with the unassailable hopelessness, that arose, that this was as far as I could go now.

I love my birth day. The day I came to earth, through my mother, who is a kind-hearted, generous, woman to her children and friends. She has outlived two husbands and counts among her blessing 4 healthy children, still living, and now 2 great-grandchildren who will outlive her, perhaps.

I have always taken off an entire week to celebrate my birth. This year it is the same, however, today, there is something unusual in my consciousness. There is sadness and hopelessness and a feeling that as I age, those things that are most desired by my heart may never come into fruition. So I sat with those feelings, today, in the woods. I sat with the sadness for a long time.

When I got back to the house, I opened up my emails. I waited about an hour, since the heaviness in my heart made it even to hard to communicate with others, let alone read about other's magnificent lives. I wanted to be morose and wanted to swim in the effusive negativity my ego had delivered in the woods.

It was one of those times when no one can touch your heart to remedy the situation, and there is even a protectiveness that arises in which I did not want anyone to help me up from the floor of the forest to see the sunlight.

I read some emails and wrote back to a friend who sent birthday wishes, however, I am sure my lackadaisical recounts of what the day looked like, will alert her to the ludicrous energy which I allowed to overtake me on my birthday meditation in the woods.

Then I moved over to a blog written by a man who is a well known performer. He writes well and has his ups and downs, like the rest of us. Some days are good ones, and those that are not so good, his understanding and acceptance of them resonates with how I respond to my adventures, after a good ponder.

His words were perfection in addressing my less-than-happy attitude, and not only that, did away with the belief that there were things I could not accomplish, or had not accomplished. He uplifted me from the seat of austere desolation and brought me back to center. My natural and balanced outlook on life returned, and I was grateful for this man who walks the earth, entertaining the world, and those who, like himself, need a buoyant release from our discontented egos, insecurities, lack of faith, and momentary unhappiness.

I once had the pleasure of meeting him and guests who were there in Long Beach, with us, took a picture of us together. I scrambled around to find it today, to remember a momentary meeting with a man who, in spite of the walls, mounted against his success, has succeeded and along with that success, still manages to remember how important we all are to one another, and for that we will always be able to know that when times are morose, there are still good people out there. Thank you, JM.