What a Friggin' Day

(Copyright 2010 by Danise Codekas)

"A certain recluse, I know not who, once said that no bonds attached him to this life, and the only thing he would regret leaving was the sky."--Kenko Yoshida

 

One of those days, we all have, when what we expect to happen, doesn't, and the neatly arranged scenario of the imaginary play we constructed before awakening, gets re-edited, ripped apart, and maybe even shredded. You know, THAT kind of day.

December 2, 2010 was a ride over to the post office in Gig Harbor,  a little food gathering for the sustenance requirements for the coming week, do some paper work, do some research, look at job ops. That all fell to hell in a hand basket by 1PM.

Am I the only one in the universe that gets upset when money does not show up? Does it freeze my brain and stops me from breathing, for a while, as breaths turn into exasperations, and then turns into encroachments into contentment? Yes. You, too?

Thank God, I have a sister, who was born on April Fools' Day. She always tells me how it could be worse, even though, her day was pretty rotten, too. Hers topped mine, since she is a realtor, and a final signing, on a realty deal was happening today.

However, the megabank who held the loan, decided to call in the house and foreclose on it, 2 days before her clients were to purchase it. The bank decided to foreclose, rather than let the new buyers have it, and the deal was going to save the credit rating, security clearance and job of an army officer, and his family at Ft. Lewis.

The bank said that they did not care, they had changed the foreclosure date, they were taking the house back, and did not care the buyers had already been approved and were about to pay the bank what was owed on the loan. Now, that is a bad day for a half-million dollar deal that went down, for my sister.

She also reminded me that I could be disabled, living in a car, or have a bad head cold, like my brother does tonight. None of these things do I have now, so I am ok. I told her how friggen' mad I was with the government, and her comment was, "well, what do you expect, it is the government, you are supposed to be mad at them."

I was going to write about something entirely different, that had to do with my trip to San Francisco. Maybe I am losing my mind, up here on top of this hill above Puget Sound. That must be it. I do not have enough to entertain me. I need to move or get my electric guitar tuned.

Moving is always a pain, since my greatest stress comes from dissolving the old space, packing up, throwing away, dropping off things at different charities, and then comes the search for a new place. It could be San Francisco.

The only negative thing about San Francisco is parking spaces in North Beach, which is where I would hole up should I return. The other thing is that a lot of the people, I know, are all scrambling to keep things together, like the rest of the world, only in the city it is more obvious to see those that have and those that do not.

Think that a lot of people will be in for shocks, next year, as the economy gets worse and more jobs are lost, in sectors previously immune to this downturn. The number of government contracting jobs is supposed to be reduced by 20-35%,next year, since Congress is screaming for reductions in salaries and positions. They are urging officials to fill more defense jobs with military personnel, and cut the budgets big time, now.

The only thing bad about this is a lot of the stuff contractors do, are not learned overnight, like software development and hardware network topologies. It doesn't matter to me, any longer, since I am not involved with them anymore, however, once contractors are pushed out into the "real" world, there will be more competition for the work I am looking for now.

San Francisco was a good hit for me, as I finally realized how much I enjoy being in the city, meeting people and hearing new ideas, and the opportunity to become involved in some very interesting escapades, which use the other side of my brain.

A girl needs that every so often, otherwise, life gets taken too seriously, and lightening up attitudes requires adventures and new adjectives. There are also good looking men around, which does put a good spin on flirtatious walk bys and refined discourse.

Barbara Sher has a great line:

"Whenever you love something, you absolutely must move in close and take a careful look at it. Something in there is calling to you, and you've got to pay attention. Until you KNOW WHY you love something, you can't follow it--and you can't abandon it either."

That is what is bothering me today. It is not the fact that a check did not arrive, it is simply that my entire consciousness has been deciding on where to move to next, and, San Francisco is looking better each day.

I had fun and I had art. I had heady conversations and wonderful meals, with old and new friends. I met Andy, John, Ka (again), Beth, Hugh, Dawn, Chick and Winston. Ate at Capp's and drank the ouzo, while John saved the mouse. Satisfied my Italian palate at L'Osteria and Little Star Pizza,   and sipped latte's, at Trieste, with a friend, and enjoyed a wonderful home cooked turkey and champagne dinner, at a lovely home, with dear friends.

My feelings about staying put here, on this hill, above the Puget Sound, are crawling all over my mind and heart, now, that I see the possibilities and are re-acquainted with the challenges.

I have "backup" here, in the NW. Family, friends and a place I know well, including fast routes over forest back roads through 200 ft. high trees, and where to buy K-1 kerosene for the auxiliary heater, or high and low tides for the beach walking.

I know, the familiar facts of daily life are very seductive and can make the effort required, to uproot my life and move 800 miles away, seem like another crazy-ass idea. I am not immune to these types of ideas, however, as many friends and cohorts know. Hence, my life story and the many places that hold my footprints.

However, I have lived through many such ideas and managed to enjoy the end results.

I should not have gone to the De Young Museum to see the French Expressionists' exhibit:"Van Gogh, Gauguin, Cézanne and Beyond: Post-Impressionist Masterpieces from the Musée d’Orsay".

Cézanne, Gauguin, Lautrec and van Gogh, and the Nabis painters, Bonnard and Vuillard were all there, hanging in room after room, and me exhilarated to be standing in front of them again. It has been a while since I have been in Paris.

The Orsay’s incredible collection of Pointillist painters including work by Seurat and Signac had me sitting on the purple, tufted circular sofa's, gasping for air, the color and brush strokes were so over-whelming. Once they return to the Musee d'Orsay, will almost, certainly never be lent out, all together again.

With thanks to my dear friend, Ronni, for taking me, the day I was leaving San Francisco. It was the one-two punch I needed to add another checkmark, on the PRO side, of the argument, for returning to San Francisco.

It is the most enchanting, lovely, lively, conscious-raising, personality plus city on the West Coast. It has a real zing to it.

As I grow older, I am tired of being around people who are not out enjoying, every day, of the rest of their lives, and many wish-fulfilling, heart opening, and artistic panaceas is available in San Fran, and others like it.

No, I have not made a decision, however, I am eliminating places through comparative analysis, by visiting them, which many of you know I have been doing for the past 2 or 3 years. I have just been offered a place on Kauai, for a month, next year, if I want it, also. I am considering it, since it is at the opposite end of the spectrum, as compared to San Fran, however, it also provides the emotional juice I need in my life, in its beauty, energy and majesty.

It could come down to living in all a few places, during the year, like Santa Fe, for all I know. The Northwest is my power place, now, and family is here, so love and tender memories are  the drawing cards, for spending time up here.

 

 

All this supposition, decision, challenging temptations, and realistic research into each place, eventually, will lead me somewhere new. Think it may be a decision for the coming year. 2011 seems to be the time for change and relocation and new work. January 1, 2011 is only 28 days away.  

There is also loneliness and isolation in a big city. It holds out all emotions, for display, and encountering angry, dissatisfied people in growing numbers, can be part of your day, also. Same up here. So, I can forget these issues.

I have stayed for weeks  or years in New York, D.C. (named after me), San Fran, London, Paris, Buenos Aires, Mar Del Plata, Lima, Mexico City, Guadalajara, Rio, Quito, Frankfurt, Shanghai, Madras, Bangalore, Singapore, Bangkok, Nice, Mazatlan, Santa Fe, Tokyo, Kona, Cuzco, Bariloche, Calcutta, Zurich, Santa Barbara, Rome, Florence, Alexandria, Arles, and Seattle.

Been around the planet a few times and loved all of it, not that there weren't lonely times or difficult times, in some of these places, however, I have had a taste of what the world's cities have to offer.

It is always a matter of heart and energy in choosing a new place.

It also comes down to that little inner voice that cries for new conversations, different foods, friends and that thing we all search for which has to be exquisitely delightful and fulfilling in many ways we may not be aware of until we encounter them there.

The main thing for me is can I live my writing life, productively, sleep in peace  at night, and find the mental stimulation and music during the day? North Beach is like that at night.

 

My house on a  hill above the Puget Sound is also tranquil. The Northwest  is called the Land of the Matriarchs by the West Coast, Native American tribes.

Kauai is both serene and powerful, with balanced male/female energy, whereas Santa Fe, brings me into center field with earth energy.

I could also be running away from things, inside myself, or running to something or someone, I need in my life. Another conundrum, it seems. Are you in this same quandary, in your life now? I feel for you, babe, if you are nodding your head.

Action will be the only way to encounter the thing you are dueling with, in your heart and brain. So, I guess it is time to listen to Gerry Rafferty and listen to Baker Street and Get It Right Next Time, in my little house above the bay.