I Am Not Beautiful. Beauty, I Am.

©Danise Codekas, 2012, All Rights Reserved

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” –John Lennon

 

My body feels perfect, right now. Exercised, washed, moisturized, nails and hair done. Just need to acknowledge that I am happy to have a relatively good body:a working body, that is.

By no means is it perfection. It has aged well, as have I in rites of passage, wisdom challenges and physical breakdowns which did not bring me to death. Not yet.

I try to avoid looking at certain areas on this 5’7” frame.

I am Athena/Venus, with a touch of  Artemis, and a dash of Guinevere, thrown in. All women are images of archetypes in history. We have to be, since, we are all descended from the DNA which created  form,  that resemble goddesses.

What I see in the mirror is different from what a man sees, when he looks at me. I am not sure of that 100%, however, I think about 99% sure.  I have never worried what a man would think of my looks because I was never a beautiful woman. True,what men think of women, is based on a unique perspective.

Just as women, as individuals, there are men which you like, which I don’t give a second glance to, right? There are those paragons of beauty, male and female, which the entire world agrees or maybe 50%, that they are perfection in human form.

I don’t think being stared at for my beauty, has or ever will be a problem. I get stared at usually because of a comment I make during a discussion, which turns heads or brings out a challenge, sometimes. I also can make people laugh, which greatly surprises me, almost every time, as it is not planned. That intrigues me. What a person laughs at and why.

I do not remember jokes. Can’t think of one now and probably will not be of any help to you if we are ever hijacked for 1 joke. We would never be released.

I can remember the longest word in the world and recite, perfectly, a number of tongue twisters. So, why am I talking about myself. Well, this has been a ridiculous week, in my life.

Thought that some transitory aspects of my life would be anchored in one location for 2 more months. That belief exploded on Monday when the entire game plan was changed because of someone else’s game plan.

One of those weeks, which you have probably had a few times a year over the course of your lifetime, yes? It takes me about 8-10 hours to get back to even keel, after someone lobs a grenade at my illusionary plans. This one took exactly 7hrs, from 9am to 4pm.

Been keeping an eye on recovery time for these events as I hope to get to where it takes less than a second. Saves so much stress on my body, and cannot imagine ever having to take pills to relax me, or pills to sleep because the universe decides I need to go another way, and quickly, for my best interest.

These little dramas we are pulling into our lives now, we are doing for our own benefit, right? There is no one else walking around with your heart and soul inside of them, yet, is there?

Pretentious behavior has no place in this modern day eclipse we are all trying to enjoy. However, to enjoy the eclipse into heightened sense of awareness, clarity of work, direction moving forward in wisdom, creativity and relationships, there is that price we put on our own heads.

The price is Love. Love of self,love of the earth, love of those acts which bring happiness to ourselves and others. Love.

I tend to sidestep love, as I am sure you do to. Not running from it. Just not at the tip of my tongue when my world explodes for 7 hours. Like to dive into the space of rejection, unworthiness, guilt. The usual spaces that were created by me probably from the first time I was chastised as a young child. Really don’t know, really don’t care because it is in the past.

However, the imprint of that memory in my cells is still there and over time it has been expunged, in bits and pieces. Not so deep a feeling, not so crunching a blow, not much of anything except a momentary dive into the past which serves no purpose in resolving, clearing and letting go of whatever I needed to experience and understand by creating this week’s annihilation of an illusion.

 

Thank you, Self, for creating this and thank you for providing me with such an excellent friend, that would lob the grenade at me.

Realizing I create my own reality, everything in my world is here because I imagined it, and earth is the place where the dream, wish, desire you walk around with in your head, everyday, comes into manifestation.

If you don’t define the form, you might not be happy with it. Earth is the planet of manifestation, isn’t it?Everything is here for us and we keep creating and expanding, so that those to come will see its magnificence and want to create more of it.

But I diverge from topic. I do not believe things happen randomly. I do not believe in pre-destination. I do not believe that I will never fall in love.

Oh, there were glimmers of love in men along the way. But radiance? Clarity?

“AH HA! You’re the One? For real?,”and he doesn’t need to answer because we know. That guy will arrive before I kick off from this Earthly Kingdom. How do I know? I do. I just know. Foolish? My life, my heart.

Point of the matter is, there is nothing on this earth you or I cannot have, if we are ready to have it. There has to be a resonance between two objects for them to attract, and be able to live in a sustainable relationship or environment.

There are not any second chances, either, or, at least, their numbers are dwindling, like species and melting glaciers around the planet. We are coming closer together, via Internet, dwindling open land that can sustain human life, infected H2O and dirty air pushing humanity off their land and further from eco-sustainability.

We are being forced into one another’s fields of energy and it is imperative you and I know that lies, pretentions are recognized with increasing speed among us.

Falsehoods and mask wearers are being exposed as this quickening in our evolution grows. Pay attention to that voice inside your heart. It never lies to you or leads you in the wrong direction.

Sure, you may not like the direction, however, eventually the Ah Ha moment will come, if you listen to the deepest, most loving part we have, which no one, no one will ever be able to confuse.

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” ― Dr. Seuss