Monday, October 1, 2012

In My Wildest Dreams

© Danise Codekas, 2012

"Not knowing what to do next, leads to the next indicated step. The searching heart activates and finds its path."-@DaniseCodekas #quote [excerpt from my upcoming book, The New Men]

In the interest of sanity one must always be aware that feeding off of other’s insanity does not make you insane. Just unbalanced for a while. It is easy to morph into someone else’s life; their tragedies, their addictions, their likes and dislikes.

At some point you have to understand that the only reason to become involved in another’s life is to learn a lesson and teach a lesson. Some lessons last lifetimes. This is called love or marriage or divorce and separation.

“Love&Courage walk side by side. Saying you're falling in love with them reveals your brave heart is worthy."-@DaniseCodekas #quote [excerpt from my upcoming book, The New Men]

To disentangle you have to delve into your own passions and understand your strengths and weaknesses. Many of us escape through addictions or other’s interests. Most of us remain in our own private worlds, thinking and analyzing without interference from anyone else's words or opinions. This is claustrophobic for your mind and soul.

In the ever-evolving tunes in your heart, you begin to change and in those changes arise ideas and situations which are new and unexplainable.

When this happens, it is best to do whatever you are feeling in that moment, without thought of how it will look to other people.

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive.” – #Howard Thurman #quote

Venice Beach Walk,©Dcodekas,2012 There can be no denying that we all try to see what our image looks like in others’ eyes. However, it is a waste of time since you are adapting to their visualizations of you, which inevitably do not reveal to you who you really are inside.

I was once asked to write something about someone who I did not know. I refused, since until I am face to face with another human being, knowing who they are is irrelevant to my ability to really understanding them.

Facial features, smiles, to me of voice all affect how I relate to someone. It is human nature; it is also animal nature. It is in our DNA. Fight or Flight response exists in humans as well as other species on earth. I pay attention to it whenever my flight button is pushing against my mind.

Where does that leave me? In a situation which has to be decided as to whether to go or stay. In that scenario, I pull back and ask myself what is the lesson I am learning from this person, and what is the thing that I am teaching. If I do not know, I stay.

If there are answers to both questions, it is time to go. The times that I have left because someone asked me to are usually the most confusing, for a few hours. Then, the answer comes, once I calm down, that the time we were together contained, every instance of communication, it was meant to convey to our hearts or souls.

There are people who I have left who have regretted asking me to leave. They call or text and say they are wrong or try to re-establish communication.

In ending our time together, they need to understand that returning or re-establishing our relationship is not copasetic with my needs and what it is that I am understanding from the ending, they initiated and created.

“Finding the person you want to be with for life, will not be the illusion you had in your head. They'll be more than."-@DaniseCodekas #quote [excerpt from my upcoming book, The New Men]

In all these endings, neither of us knows what the impact shall be on the other. What I have come to understand is that why they did it is not relevant to me. It is their life; their decision.

Usually, being released from a situation by another, leads me to an incredible adventure, of new sights and people who were waiting to meet me, and I, them. You never know how your life is going to turn out when this happens, of course. The only thing I am ever sure of is that I am being led into something new.

Right now, I have been on the road for almost 6 months. When I began this journey it was to find something. Did not know what it was however I know to stay where I was no longer served that little soul of mine.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover”– #Mark Twain.

I did not realize there would be so much driving. 8500 miles so far, and the number of people who gave me some direction, some food, something to ponder cannot be counted on all 20 digits.

What I had not expected was some of the truly amazing situations I found myself in, and the peace found in being on the road, stopping to rest, and then thinking about my life over these months.

There are mysteries I found along the way which I have yet to understand or examine, and there are situations that occurred which were not pleasant. Yet, even the unpleasantness proved to be a petri dish of things that I needed to look at closely and come to see why it they happened to me. All lessons, and lessons one can learn about on the road,alone.

The one thing I did not expect was my inability to explain to people why I was on the road, and where I was headed. Too personal, and yet, to vague in my own heart.

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” – #John Wooden #quote

Some thought me crazy, and still do. To those I say, don’t judge me while you have a dream or desire in your heart you are too afraid to follow. Talk to me after you embark on that quest, and then we will have something to share and will see the similarities, rather than one another’s insanity.

I now realize I could have left New Mexico after meeting with the Ecuadorian and Mexican Mystic Shamans, which took place 2 months before I left. I know the moment I walked away from them and their interpreters that they were the reason I had gone to New Mexico, left, and then returned to find them.

I know that many of my experiences there had to do with men and how they operate in their lives, and the differences between their outlooks and interpersonal relationships because of their differing cultures. I also had to see how I interacted with men, after so many years of living a life that did not challenge me in that regard, other than men at work.

I learned that you can be friends, with someone, for many years, and when you live with them, see what their life is really like, you begin to understand the relative value of your relationship to them, not as a friend, but as a compassionate human being.

As an observer who is astounded by the new information garnered from their habits, patterns, likes, dislikes, and addictions. Ending a friendship is not something to castigate yourself over because adults know what they are doing when they hurt or shock you.

Incredible kindnesses and enjoyment of just talking to strangers about things in the world you are both familiar with, led to some wonderful new friendships, that are still developing and expanding.

The one thing I knew when I began this pilgrimage of mine was that I would be taken care of and that somewhere,along the way, I would find my new peace and begin to build something extraordinary.

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.” - Dr. Wayne #Dyer #quote

So, go. Do what you have been dreaming about for a long time. Even if it is only to kiss someone or tell them you love them.

"Unrequited love means they are not the one, after you told them.The One is looking for you,too. Walk towards them."-@DaniseCodekas #quote [excerpt from my upcoming book, The New Men]

Courage on the road is no different than courage in relationships, because, both cause stress if not released when you decide to stay in the moment. Do  not lean into the future, or fall back into the past because neither of those paradigms exist.

You are in the present and that is where the miracles, lessons and loves appear and touch you, awaken you, deliver you into a new paradigm which you never could have imagined in your wildest dreams.

“Comfort in silences,with the one you love, means your hearts reside in peace."-@DaniseCodekas #quote [excerpt from my upcoming book, The New Men]

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