(c) 2011 Danise Codekas
“Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it.”-Joseph Heller
Oh, geeze, I am gritting my teeth as another holiday crisis occurs, destroying a delusional illusion, someone once held, about me. At the same time, realizing this person really does not know me, by telling me I must agree with their false data, about an event in my life, they were misinformed about, tells me that the top 10 Christmas Crises are about to begin.
10 days of Christmas are balanced out by the 10 Holiday Crises, in case you skipped school that day. So I will lay them out, in the 10 day countdown, to the 25th. #10 gets posted on the 26th, boxing day. Because it involved unwanted presents, returned engagement rings, and waking up drunk in someone’s hotel room, in a city you cannot remember, sometimes.
Do you know what you did in your life? Do you know what really happened during an event that completely altered the course of your life? Usually, you do, unless you are drugged, drunk or unconscious.
To be told by another person, who was not THERE with you, and that they are telling you that you are lying, or their version is correct, and yours is not, when they were NOT there, showed me that this person thought i was a liar, and an idiot.
I felt like I was standing in front of an old boyfriend, who told me he was not cheating on me, after telling me he had been having sex with 2 other women, while we were together for 6 months. It was not cheating; it was that he was in a relationship with them.
It was not cheating. That is what he wanted me to believe. Geeze. Did he really think I was that stupid? Oh, wait. No, he didn’t think I was stupid. He just did not want to admit that he had become a liar and a cheat.
“Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.”--Kurt Vonnegut
It would have destroyed his family and friends and clients' opinions that he was a mover and a shaker and an upstanding businessman in San Francisco.
God Forbid, anyone find out he was a pathological liar (if your cheating on someone; you are always lying to them). I would imagine that Fred is still a serial cheater,living in Sausalito or San Francisco. (Bitching about X’s, is allowed for a few minutes every Christmas. Do not drink, when bitching. It’s a waste of good liquor.)
Christmas and Hanukah always bring out the truth about your relationships, and what you are feeling, deep down inside, and seems to scratch itself up to the raw surfaces of your heart and brain.
Stuff you are wishing for and hoping for rises and those desires also drag about all that detritus, you buried inside, that has to be dealt with, before the dream and illusions morph into reality. It sucks.
However, you know that you are going to visit people and spend time in old scenarios, either connected by blood or memory, which you really wish did not cause such sickening uncomfortable, reactionary stress, as thoughts dredge up those old paradigms.
I won't be heading into any of those this year. Had one of those ah-ha moments today, after realizing I had finally un-plugged from an old pattern, which was part of my life mission. Karma stuff.
I completed it this morning, around 630 AM, PST. Difficult encounters, with people, who you think know you well, are happening with you and me, over this joyous, holiday season.
If you can hold your head together, and be an observer, when these people begin telling you, who you are (which you no longer are), or argue with you, about an event, which they were never at, however, you were, then you and I are not insane and should have a reasonable witty, amusing holiday, with some amazing discussions and connections made.
Or, what about those friends or family, that tell you, you are wrong about what really happened, at this event, they were never at, but, you were.?
If you can be compassionate in those moments, when you realize they are calling you a liar and do not know you, truthful you, at all, and you feel like you have fallen into the Twilight Zone, and still can walk away with no blood dripping from your ripped heart, then it is can be considered an enlightening, holiday moment.
Know that it does not matter what people believe about you: who do not really know the truth about you, and do not believe you when you tell them who you are, what really happened or what you believe.
You will do fine this holiday season, if you keep this in mind. therwise, get on a plane, on a highway, and head to a place where no one knows you, and have a meal with a stranger.
“Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.”--Joseph Heller
Why talk to someone who thinks you are an illusion and tells you, you do not know who you are? Then, won't believe what you tell them about yourself? I thought this person had lost their mind, when they were telling me I was wrong about something that happened, which I had written proof of.
I almost said I would show them the document, to prove that I was right, and then decided not to. I know what is the truth about my life. I’ve known this person for 20 years! Friends, for 20 years! It was en enlightening moment to find out they invalidated my truth; our relationship.
A lot of personal dramas are erupting all around you right now, tonight, maybe, and all you can do is observe or be drawn into someone's illusionary beliefs about who you really are, what you are really doing, or what you have actually done in your life.What you really need.
It is the time to not cater to someone else's false ideas about you. it is a time to speak your truth about yourself, about what really happened, what was really said, what you believed to be true, what you really need and want.
But, you better make sure you have some courage to pick up that phone if you need to say hello or goodbye. better make sure you understand that time is not real and miracles happen once you accept the truth about what it is you really need in your life.
Denying a personal truth, a need, a person you love, a mission, will keep you frozen in the past, in the shrouds of darkness which smother your ability to engage in serendipitous relationships which bring joy and peace.
And, so you can understand what I am trying to say in this posting, if you did not get it, I leave you with a quote which makes me feel connected, even when, sometimes, I feel no one understands me, when I write, speak or cry.
“Still and all, why bother? Here's my answer. Many people need desperately to receive this message: I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. You are not alone.--Kurt Vonnegut
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