Vision Quest for 21 days

Who am I? What is my soul's purpose? What are my goals? What in my life must I change?

Since 1 July, a Vision Quest have I been on. To those of you who sought me out, on the blog or in emails, over the past 21 days, I appreciate your concern, and am a bit amazed you actually read and enjoy my diminutive attempts juggling the Written Word. I have returned to the world of electronics, having un-plugged from all such devices for the past 21 days, in order to bring balance to my wired brain, and sought to find the peace and sustenance of walking meditations, quieting mind, breaking through personal fears, new anxieties about earth changes, and disturbances in my soul which needed to be revealed from the depths of Self, understood, healed, challenged and written about in prose and poetry.

I did not realize, until this Vision Quest became a reality in late June, that it was exactly what was needed, in order to balance my energy and renew my spirit, in order to continue on my path of creating art, writing novels and recognizing my consummate abilities as an artist, a writer, musician, lover, sister, daughter, aunt and a woman. A sexy woman,at that, I've decided,too ! ;)

Unplugging from all normal activities was difficult the first 3 days, and then a peace arose in the place I was, the paths that I walked, the beaches I strolled, mountains I climbed which cunningly brought understanding to me, of the wisdom, in taking time for a Vision Quest. Not many have the luxury of so engaging, however, I understand now the critical importance of taking time to find the new wisdom inside me. These revelations about self could not be found plugged into cell phones, laptops, radios, movies, newspapers and televisions.It was a huge download of cosmic information, and a big upload of crap from me which was time to be drug out, swept away and released to the universe, grateful for the understanding of the gifts the past challenges had brought me, which led to the new understanding of what I need now, what I can do now, and that it is all coming to me, as it was always intended to come throughout eternity. It is mine.

What arose for me during this time was a treasured understanding of myself, and neglected pieces of my fragile, human puzzle which, as I uncovered them, completed entire pictures, for me, of life situations from the past, and the power to act in current life, with efficacy and grace. These fragmented parts of my soul came together in a way you would only understand as AH-HA moments, over the days and nights of the past 3 weeks. Many such moments, thrust me into long and fast sprints on the beach at night, or winding into the depth of the ancient forests, at dawn, to lay on the primordial ferns gazing through 200 ft. high branches to a surreal, breathtaking, eternal vista.

There were moments when the painful recognition of truth hurt so deeply all that could come forth was tears, or a female wolf howl, and then the dervish swirls of my body, dancing around in circles until the laughter arose again in my 5th chakra, the throat, where communication resides. I had to usurp all electronic and human interactions, from me, in order to become more humane for you. The closest thing I can relate this experience to would be a death, yet unlike death, feeling the depths of despair, the joys of revelations, the desires of my heart and soul as a mystery revealed, and a personal euphoria, which brought my Self into balance, in order to heal the past and birth a wiser, joyful Self.

Schlesinger, once said, that everything that matters in our intellectual and moral life begins with an individual confronting his own mind and conscience in a room by himself.

That is what I did, in my own way. I had felt for a few weeks, before un-yoking from the Internet and IPod,  that something was trying to reveal itself to me. Everywhere I went, I had this sense that there was something inside of me that I did not understand, yet it was holding itself quietly, and persistently inside my being, and every issue I thought it could relate to, never caused it to cease its inner whisperings, causing tension and anxiety.

I knew that an amorphous conclusion, pregnant with unimaginable benedictions was beating against my soul awaiting a time to chant its refrains. The only way it could reveal itself was for me to listen to its murmurs and harmonies, without any foreign discordances or dissonant tones, that could affect its ability to reveal itself to me. Hence, the unplugging. So, a vision quest it became. Just me, my soul and higher self over these 21 days. 

Many things changed for me and many people I know. One thing that came to full force is this incredible ability I have to write and am trying now to transcribe 5 yellow legal pads of journal entries. I love writing with my Pierre Balmain pen. I collect pens, did I ever reveal this passion of mine? Nothing thrills me more than holding that perfectly balanced pen, of esquisite craftsmanship. That Balmain I bought in Arles, France, a few years ago, and I only use it for special things. It pops up,once in a while when I need it.

I taught myself how to write with my left hand, when I was in grade school, so I could balance my energy, when writing, thereby I have the ability to write, and allow the energy to flow from both sides of my charka system. I realized that the writing I do with my left hand, and sometimes I write backwards, so that I have to hold it up to a mirror, in order to read it, is a much different soulful, expressive discourse.

Since the right side of the body relates to the female, emotional, creative energy, I bet that not many people have had the understanding that to write with the left hand releases emotional/spiritual energies(right-brain becomes balanced)  versus right hand writing, which emanates from the didactic aspect of practical nature (left-brain): Informative, cognitive informational vs. emotional, psychic, spiritual become one flow, like a yin-yang, feng shui of creative energies.

I figured it out when I was living in Argentina and beginning to understand more deeply spiritual and psychic powers, meeting healers and shamans. Once I began training myself to use the left side of body, to write with, I felt as if I had discovered one of the secrets of the universe, as my writing took a deeper dive into psyche. It is still an amazing experience, each time I switch hands. Big difference in that writing with my left hand, I am completely taken over by free flow information from the depths of Self, that seems to have an unending, revelatory nature, which sometimes rolls on for hours.

My discovery is a chapter of my new book which delves deeper into the importance of using creative power, at this point of time, in order to bring balance to everything you or your families are doing. The entire shifting energy of the planet is requiring attendance to your work, your impeccable actions, and being able to observe and interpret what the truth is for yourself. No more excuses: you know when you are acting from fear rather than compassion.

You know when you need love, out of fear or because it is easier to return to an old love because that is the known, rather than go after that which excites your soul and is where you are most alive. I see many people returning to old loves because they are lonely, afraid of the uncharted waters of passion, because they do not feel worthy of true, ecstatic love, or simply because they do not want to give up their old lists of what they require in a relationship. For instance, one of my old rules was that I would never have ANOTHER LONG DISTANCE relationship.

Well that got thrown out these past weeks. Why not? Miss the love of my life because he is a thousand miles away? Ten thousand miles away? It is not the time to be weak and afraid. The universe is an amazing place and anything is possible now. I no longer need to worry about how things are going to unfold. I just have to recognize they are put in my path for me to deal with, hold on to, appreciate and trust. No, I am not with a man, yet, however I have a sense we are moving in each other's orbits, doing what we need to do creatively and day-to-day. Anyway, I was talking about my passion for fountain pens. My passion for life and how much my Vision Quest brought treasures and release to my soul. Hope you are well. What happened to you the past 21 days?

My new picture was taken within a few hours of plugging back in. Do I look different? Feel different. Vibrating out of my old shell now, and jumping to find out what the next indicated thing is.