Forgetting

There are times when you run into people you have not seen in a long time, and you cannot remember where you met them. That happened this morning, when I was breakfasting with a friend, and our waitress recognized my friend, and my friend pulled a blank. She did say something very clever, which I hope to remember when I find myself in a similar situation. "The face and eyes I recognize, however I cannot place the geographic location."

Now that is a great way to acknowledge someone, and give yourself credit, for at least remembering a face, but not the location where you met. In this case, they had been next door neighbors for years, and years passed since the last time they looked across the fence, at one another. Hair color, body shape had changed in both. Smile, still the same.

Wish my memory about people were as good as some. Voices seem to be the most memorable for me. Face recognition is about 50%.  People remember my face and usually where we met. Names are trouble for me, especially at large events, when meeting 20-30 people in a clip.

A few weeks ago, a call came from a man, who played with me for a few minutes, in helping me to remember a familiar voice. Aah, no, it was not a boyfriend from the past.An old friend, who was calling me for some insight as to why his marriage was falling apart.

We had not seen one another in about 5 years, yet, I had created a bond with him somehow, since he believed me to be a touchstone on the matter. The baseline disagreement is about having children. He wanted them, she wanted to adopt.

Now, the thing about Dick and Jill is they were the original, environmental activists. Rabid eco-saviors, argumentative recyclers, and in-your-face conservationists, the like of which would have most guests running to the shredder, to repent their eco-failures.

The rule at their estate (yes, it is an estate) is no more than 2 (two) 30 gallon bags of refuse can be delivered to the recycle pit, a month. Their BMW could only rack up a total of 100 miles per month. There is no plastic in the house; guests are allowed only glass containers to transport food, for parties; and, all water is recycled. All water, including toilet water is processed by a magnetic filter, for use in gardens,sheds and toilets. Off the grid with solar/wind energy.

They spoke at many enviro-events, and usually rode their bikes, or caught a ride with someone. Wealthy? Very. No one who spent time with them left without learning a new way to conserve, and everyone respected the proficient use of materials in the house, and all furniture was dual-purpose, recycled wood.

Now, the crux of the separation and possible divorce. He wanted to procreate, from his own sperm; she, having learned well the logistics of world-overpopulation from UN and WHO meetings they attended together, said adoption was the only, eco-friendly way to go. He taught her well, much to his dismay, now.

Jill came from Cardiff-By-The-Sea, CA., the land of the lotus-eaters, and met Dick, at the Top of the Mark bar, one balmy, summer night in SF, when her champagne cork, flew across tables and, landed in his Mark Hopkins Hotel, SF Seafood Chowder. A match made in heaven.

Why he was calling me about this issue, came down to the fact that, he thought, I would understand his need to procreate, from his own sperm, and could sway her into understanding that this was an important, duty for all men, over 30, on the planet.

I do understand it is important that the blood-lines continue for men, as it is imbedded into their Neanderthal, limbic brain memory. In order to continue the species, it is their duty to re-create. However, with 150,00,000 million orphans in the world today, enough orphans to wind around the equator 3 times, and 40% of all children in the US living in single, parent households, the brain needs to re-assess the limbic requirement set in place about 130,000 years ago.

I recommended he check out some famous orphans, List of Orphans, and mentioned Babe Ruth, Louis Armstrong and, oh, yes, Steve Jobs.

The unfortunate issue for Dick is that he did not take his eco-minded ministrations all the way to source, which is the reason the world is such a garbage heap and environmental disaster magnet. Most environmentalists do not, or will not look down, at their own seed staff, which is one of the main causes of Gaia's screams, as she tries to lift up from the garbage, oil spills and bad air smothering her now. It is the amount of people on earth, it will not change with the numbers growing. Teaching and preaching conservation has to begin with your own sperm and egg control. It is just plain fact.

When Dick got down to answering my questions, which revolved around why now this father-desire, and not years ago? Why all the birth control and planning not to have a baby for so long, and now that he is turning 35, he needs to reproduce Dick2, he gave me an answer that was surprising for such a wealthy, independent thinking man.

His mother, father and grandparents were coming in with the heavy guns, His siblings had all reproduced and he loved his nieces and nephews. He was enjoying children. We all enjoy children, however raising them is where you learn to love them. I have raised 9 nieces and nephews and told him if I was with a man, I would adopt in a minute.It is a couple's life together that grows the child, and the love that child experiences with the couple, is all that matters.The child would have his last name. He said his mother would be upset and his father, too. His fear made me sad.

I convinced him that life, without Jill, would not be the same, and he could father a child, but he would be without the love of his life. Why raise a child without the person you know you should be with? The woman who delights you every time she walks in a room with a dish of vanilla ice cream for you? 

Talking with Jill, I can see her point too and it all comes down to seeing a man becoming afraid, that he ceases to exist into eternity,  unless a child, from his loins is conceived. And knowing a woman who believes there are so many children, in the world, that need the love she knows Dick and she can produce together, as a family.

Today, Dick called to tell me that they are going to begin visiting orphanages. They are going to look around; he is going to test his beliefs, handed down through the ages, and see if there is a child that can fulfill this need he has to be a father, without his wife giving birth.

I think he can, and I reminded him about his discussion, with me  years ago, that I was a lovely woman who could make a man happy, even though I could no longer have children, because of a health challenge. In the end, there are many ways to be with the one who loves you.

Sometimes, you just have to forget what you once believed to be true, about what it means to be a real man, or a real woman. Sometimes you have to believe that a new way is possible as you fly through the clouds, seeing new possibilities, fulfilling dreams in unimaginable ways. And sometimes, the love of a child is possible, with someone you love, not of your loins, or from your belly, but from 2 hearts dreaming the same dream.

So, I am turning on Mr. Jagger and listening to one of my favorite tunes, because sometimes you can't always get what you want but you do get what you really, and truly need. Love seems to be it.

 

YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT
(M. Jagger/K. Richards)

Choir:
I saw her today at a reception
A glass of wine in her hand
I knew she would meet her connection
At her feet was her footloose man

No, you can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
And if you try sometime you find
You get what you need

I saw her today at the reception
A glass of wine in her hand
I knew she was gonna meet her connection
At her feet was, footloose man

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, well you might find
You get what you need
Oh yea-ay (hey-hey-hey, oooh)

And I went down to the demonstration
To get my fair share of abuse
Singin', 'We're gonna vent our frustration
If we don't, we're gonna blow a 50-amp fuse'
Sing it to me, now
(You can't always get what you want)
(You can't always get what you want)
(You can't always get what you want)
But if you try sometimes, well you just might find
You get what you need
Ooh baby, yeah, ooh

I went down to the Chelsea drugstore
To get your prescription filled
I was standin' in line with Mr. Jimmy
A-man, did he look pretty ill
We decided that we would have a soda
My favorite flavor, cherry red
I sung my song to Mr. Jimmy
Yeah, and he said one word to me, and that was 'dead'
I said to him

(You can't always get what you want) well no!
(You can't always get what you want) tell ya baby
(You can't always get what you want) no
But if you try sometimes, you just might find, mmm!
Mmm! you get what you need
Ooh yes! Woo!
(Instrumental & choir) Ooow-ooh!
You get what you need
Yeah!
Ooow, babe!
Ooh, yeah

I saw her today at the reception
In her glass was a bleeding man
She was practiced at the art of deception
Well, I could tell by her blood-stained hands
Say it!

(You can't always get what you want) yeah!
(You can't always get a-what you want) ooo-yeah, baby!
(You can't always get a-what you want)
But if you try sometime, you just might find
You just might find
You get what you need
Ooh, yeah!
Ooh, baby!
Woo!

Ah, you can't always get a-what you want
No, no baby
You can't always get a-what you want

Tellin' you right now
You can't always get what you want, mmm!
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You just might find, that ya
Get what you need
Oooh, yeah!
I'm tellin' the truth, babe