I know that the fight for equality for partners is on the docket , in the next election, in many states. You should know, I am voting to make sure, we all have equality under the law, to choose partners, no matter preference. Freedom cannot exist, until all have equal rights and protection under the laws, that we can change now.
I was married to a homophobic man, a lifetime ago, and because of his hatred of gays, learned I could not abide intolerance, in any form, toward another human. So, I must thank him for allowing me to see the insanity of his mind. One thing, that bothers me, is he probably still has that tattoo that says: Death before Dishonor. To dishonor the life choices ,of another human being, which is causing no harm to you ,or the planet, shows a disdain of allowing others freedom to love and live as you do.
I was living in San Francisco as AIDS was destroying bodies and lives, as it does to this day. The general effect was that there was no one walking down Castro Street, for a few weeks, hiding in homes, many afraid to catch something from a spoon, or spit or even a hand. The horror of the illness and the rumors and fears it caused, brought the city to a standstill. At that time, I lived on Russian Hill, with a man who was cheating on me, as I came to find out a few weeks, after the first round of media blitz about AIDS, hit the world. He was involved in relationships with two women, in Sausalito, and decided to reveal all, one, beautiful afternoon, when we were picnicking in Muir Woods. (Thanks, a lot, Fred).
I decided to move to Santa Barbara, and found myself one afternoon, before my migration, walking along Union Ave., half-dead from the exhaustion of the anger and craziness, of getting rid of things, so I could drive down with one car full of "stuff". I ran into my friend, Ralphie, who moved to SF from Virginia, where we had met in D.C., and become good friends. He was gay and Virginia was not a gay-friendly state, and still isn't from what I hear. He moved to SF a few months before, I did, and luckily, for me, that day, he was still alive. He was one of the gay men to die from AIDS in SF, and his death and the horrors it wracked his body with, will always stay with me.
That day on Union, he realized I was not myself, and dragged me into a Martini Bar, after I told him about what Fred had done. He was more upset, about the fact, that I had not gone to my doctor for sexual disease testing, and told me that we were going the next day. I had not even thought about it, still wrapped up in the bottom-less feelings, in my body, caused from exhaustion of crying and not eating, as humans tend to do when in shock.
He went with me to my doctor's and insisted I get tested for AIDS. I did, and, thank god, had no sexually transmitted diseases. I could have, might never have found out, and could of died from it, if he had not suggested it. He, in a way, saved a life. I will always be grateful to him for his wisdom and that he asked my doctor to give me that AIDS test.
He loved me, as a friend. He didn't care that I was a wild, red-head who loved to go out dancing late at night, and made some bad and good choices, about the men I dated. He didn't care that I was Yankee, born and bred, nor that I came from a upper class family, who were into politics, which he didn't agree with; and, religions, that he did not believe in.
A few weeks, before he died in a San Francisco hospice, I drove up to see him, to say my goodbye's, as I knew he would be passing soon. His body could no longer tolerate the destruction and pain. Before I left S.B., his nurse called and said that Ralphie wanted to hear a song, and would I bring it with me, so he could listen to it before he died. Ralphie knew what was happening as he had stood by many friends, watching them die, from the deadly disease, and knew the signs. The tremors, the boils, the bleeding, all the horrors he had seen, and the funerals he had attended were now part of his life, and soon his death.
The reason I am writing about a political right denied to the gay community for decades, today, is that song just played on the radio, a little while ago, and I remembered that day with Ralphie.
Sitting next to his bed, he had lost the sight in one eye, his emaciated body could hardly handle the next breath, and the sun coming in the window was the only bright light, in a blue room, with a man under a Celtic Green bedspread with the Celtic symbol of Eternal Love on it. Ralphie had his Ph.D in English Literature and could recite Yeats, Shakespeare and both Brownings, by heart. He knew Ode to a Grecian Urn and would delight friends, on balmy afternoons, when we would go sailing on San Francisco Bay, reciting Shakespeare's sonnets to the dolphins.
A cultured man, a kind man and a man who died because of the need for understanding and love.
So here are the words, to that song, and I hope you can understand that all people deserve the right to make the choice of who to love and who to marry. Because in the end, it is all about how you loved and who loved you.
R.E.M.-Losing My Religion
Oh, life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no, I've said too much
I set it up
(chorus)
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight, I'm
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
Every whisper
Of every waking hour I'm
Choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool, fool
Oh no, I've said too much
I set it up
Consider this
Consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I've said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
But that was just a dream
That was just a dream
(chorus)
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight, I'm
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
But that was just a dream
Try, cry, why try?
That was just a dream
Just a dream, just a dream
Dream
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