Preparing for Christmas 2015 Challenges

Columbia River, Oregon (c) DaniseCodekas

What is going on with everyone? I think the Venus energy is becoming more apparent as more friends and stories emerge, this week, about dissension, arguments and promises broken. If anyone had taken a look at the astrology charts for this week, it's evident that whatever walls you created around yourself over your life, will be attacked, in personal challenges this week. The universe needs your wisdom and unique gifts without all the negativity you have held onto during 2015.

For this week's astro events, you are calling everyone who has the energy to help you break down those self-created walls, into your orbit. This will go on for a few months. We are all ready to let go of the walls as Self-love raises its voice, asking for the wisdom and actions needed to project us into higher consciousness for the evolvement of our species and those we share the Earth with now.

I have heard more stories about couples arguing, sibling challenges and co-worker blow ups, this week, than in the past year. The arguments stem from awareness that many of these relationships are no longer necessary and many are afraid to let go of them. You have learned some valuable lessons these past 2 years so maybe you can let go of the hurt and anger.

Tying yourself up to someone for a period of time is done so that whatever growth your soul needs, occurs, and that person you chose  to assist, agreed to dance with you until you both see the relationship for what is now. This is a win-win situation, as your challenger receives their wisdom from you, on the issues they need to face, and they reflect back to you the lesson you both agreed to teach.

A lot of things we hope to receive are being ripped away, never to arise again. This, in itself, is making many people angry, nervous and disgruntled. If you happen to be in their line of vision, and play devil's advocate for evolvement, relax and know you are a brave, wise person. A dedicated life saver. Dowsing sparks which ignite the campfires on self-created walls, you may help them heal abandonment issues and any self-remorse.

Stand strong.You can release the energy which brings the walls down, and gives you the power to walk away, without doing harm. Hence, releasing karmic debts.

Re-Emergence

© DaniseCodekas 2014

I am not sure how different words sound after not using many for my blog in a long time. Social media integration took over my techie self for the last 24 months or so. Complete absorption of what these new tools will do to change how we all communicate, and how can I  learn to use them to my absolute benefit.

Myself, the writer, spends inordinate amounts of time simply living. Because of this, many self-realizations arise which require even more thought, and time. So, for the last 2 years I worked on two books, and an outline for a new mystery series. Who knew outlines for mysteries can take such intense analysis and research.

There seems to be a wild need for connectivity encompassing the world’s plugged in technologists. And fighting against Connectivity, bit a big C, led me on a spiritual photographic journey into some of the most deserted places on the North American continent.

The problem with such an introspective travel itinerary is time must be immaterial and a return date remains unknown. And, if you have ever been on such a journey, you know your home location usually changes after such a trip. I changed because of the self-realizations and cosmic revelations received over 2 years.

While I prepare for another journey in a few months, one which may reveal a new place on earth to call Home, time to complete two of the three writing projects races ahead. Replacing all my tech arsenal before the next travel adventure was a priority during this prep period.

Passport renewal, license picture update, new laptop, cell phone, re-pack, get storage facility and the list continues as traveling requires light weight equipment for the itinerant #photojournalist. This trip into the unknown requires a travel printer, also.

So, I now own a lightweight travel printer, running off batteries in the jungle, or sand dunes for about 8 hours,weighing less than 2 lbs. and fits in my purse.

 

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We Are A Curious Species

© Danise Codekas 2013, All Rights Reserved

 

Even with all the awareness we think we are amassing, few are ever complete. There is always more work to do even at the most amazing moment of your life.

I believe we create our own pain, joy, suffering and love in our lives, by ourselves. If you miss the opportunity to express your surprise openly, at a wonderful, unplanned meeting which arises  before you, you may re-seek it the rest of your life.

Usually, we burn ourselves out after a few years or searching for something that held us in the first moments. We forget that smile with the smiling eyes, the voice which enchanted us, and drew us into a reality, more real than any of our current life moments. Love arose before you, and you let it depart, and back out the driveway.

You will seek for it, for a few weeks, months, maybe.  If you are diligent,  years,  hoping to be in front of a person, who took your breath away, and enmeshed you in their energy immediately.

Madness, utter madness and the most delicious memory of your life. Surprise. Who is that person? How can you find them again?

Where are you? Who are you. Thanks for the wakeup call. Zing.

A man with a patch over his eye, standing in a driveway with friends, smiling, twinkling eye, gazing. So intriguing a memory,  on a chilling, Saturday evening in the Pacific Northwest, with no Butter Pecan ice cream in the house. Guess I'll head down to Albertson's.

Saw Christmas lights all over Gig Harbor, Olalla, Poulsbo. Even AL’S store put them up, winding strings of twinkling lights around the gas pumps. Nice. The extra twelve cents a gallon is worth it.

I love the holidays, when magic appears because everything is so scintillating.

I shall find a writing studio, on someone's private land, for 6 hours a day. It needs right atmosphere and silence, except for my music.

That's what I want for Christmas. A Writing Place.

 

Think I can get a New Year's Eve date? There must be a twitter site for people who want a date for New Year's Eve.

We are a curious species. I am a curious and sparkly soul.

Ennui? Not Ever.

©2013 Danise Codekas

It is not amusing growing older. Some realizations about the Self, come far later in life, than you would hope. I am not saying these ah-ha moments, of my last 6 months of my life, were not appreciated; they were simply surprising given my current state of life.

My mind seems to be expanding as I jump around from place to place, in the latitude and longitude areas of the Earth.

Not sure if you understand. Some day you may.

Sensing disengaging from cruelty and brutality from many packets of the planet. Clearly, daily, reflections of what those words signify, we all are aware of as seeing them daily, soothes into our daily waking moments.

Sad, this infiltration of the worst of human nature. Sad there is too much of it.

I have seen so much bloodshed across my life, as we have all. Media and Technology are amazing aren’t they? Talking through air; and, sending bits and bytes across the wind are amazing things to see, in ones’ life.

I hope the things I leave behind are no longer needed for my next journey not because I ignored them, but that they served me well, and, I used them reverently.

As we age, so do our bodies. As we age, our minds expand. As we forget to do new things, we become old. Age doesn’t matter.

The next step is where? If people really were afraid to create challenges for themselves, I couldn’t live in such a presumptuous world. A world of ennui.

 

Looking At Vashon, One Fall Day:

©2013 Danise Codekas Photography

Who You Are Now

© Danise Codekas 2013, All Rights Reserved

It is a bit too soon to decide how the year will end.

It has been an exhilarating ride, like falling over Angel Falls, knowing you are going to survive. You just have to ride it all the way down.

It has been almost 2 years since I needed to assemble a new life plan, as before, since the need to get back on the road reigns supreme in my mind, now.

3-4 months is just enough time to spend time with someone you are not that in tune with, acquainted with or friends with.

Any longer and the aurora of your true persona finally breaks through the social nicety you, and then,  people see your crazies and real self. Which is of course, why you chose to visit those people, at this time.

You are tired of the old self and who better than to push those buttons for you to drop your crap, than strangers, family and old friends.

Be prepared for some of those relationships to explode into smithereens. You chose this path to them and subconsciously seeking to shed the person who wanted people to believe you were and all along knowing you had never been real, with them, ever.

You just did not have the good manners to tell them at the time, as you were amazed to find out their purpose in your life had dwindled, perhaps years ago. Let It Go, Friends. There’s no turning back once you let it go. These people disappear quickly down your jet stream.

Just Over Colorado Border In The Utah Snow

© Danise Codekas Photography, 2013

 

Sometimes, nature can get you there, to that release of the tired, uninspired person you believe you have become quickly. Especially Violent Nature which unexpectedly comes into your journey’s way and sends you off in another direction, quickly.

If you had paid attention, you would have traveled to wherever you were headed without knowing it, anyway. Things Change, Always. Accept that Universal Truth, blindly, and you could live a content life. Or a really miserable one, too, given the vicissitudes of emotions.

Mutability is highly underrated on the road, or life, for that matter. Hence, a need to move, change and develop into that which you are becoming within the scenes you create in your daily life, arises and you either go with it or get an ulcer fighting it. Eventually you will move toward it, if that’s what your soul is screaming for, however, of course, you could die before you get to shed your inutile skin a become who you are now.

“Whatever else has been said about me personally is unimportant. When I sing, I believe. I'm honest.” - FRANK SINATRA, quoted in And I Quote

Montserrat by Danise Codekas

©2013 Danise Codekas, All Rights Reserved

If the very impression one gets is that there is some type of retirement from life, as you know it, when you begin noticing the skin on your hands finally shows your age, you'd be either stupid or lazy.

Assuming your neither, then you know how hard it is to stop doing something you are addicted to and, at this point in my life, I have surrendered to my addiction to writing books, poetry, diaries or autobiography.

I thought a point would come where it became less important to write, as my need to impress, or make a mark, lessened in importance over the decades.

I was wrong, of course. Some of us burn out late, rather than early. Some of us kick into higher gear as we age. Nothing new.

If I need to get up and write from 12:42 am until whenever, there is nothing blocking tomorrow morning’s rising from arriving at 10 am, instead of 6 am. 6 am is a time I generally arose at for many years working for someone else.

As a writer, I appreciate my new life style, as a Writer, Photojournalist and planet Earth resident.

So many people are no longer in my life. Thank God, for many gone; and the others I miss engaging with at whatever nefarious and amazing ideas were twirled around between us, during our time together.

Jeeze, it has been a good life, for me. I feel so free. Like I am going to explode with the peace inside me. It won't last for long, it never does. Life changes too quickly and you never know what you are going to walk into next. Amazing, isn’t it?

Even Death. Although, I am sure since I don't appear to be dying yet, when and if my time arrives to cross over, will try to maintain an amazing outlook on the process.

I will never experience it again, and can;t imagine what it going to be like or what type of last minute karma I'll be burning off during the process I have earned this lifetime and created for my transitory means to an End. Life is an adventure, to the End.

I am going to  Montserrat soon and only because I have never been there before. I want to see the mountains and love Benise's song, Montserrat. You think a photojournalist is led into new places because of the beauty?

I must have both the beauty and the music of the place, before I lift the camera. I understand what pushed me into Joyl when I travel, or when I breath.

Just kick off every trip off with Benise's Carnaval from the CD, Nights of Fire. You will get in the proper frame of mind for the busy airport, waiting at check-in, or not. Sitting in a wine bar, headphones blaring Carnaval.

It, your airport experience becomes a fabulous adventure, even if you are flying into Hell, or are waiting in Standby Hell. 

“May all Beings, dwell in equanimity, free from attachment and aversion.”~Buddha

Please subscribe and hope you enjoyed your visit. ~Danise

 

DEPRESSION

© 2013 Danise Codekas /All Rights Reserved

I am at one of those points in life when one no longer has interest in others' opinions of how to take the next step; or, move at their speed to maneuver through my ruminations about a situation, connection, relationship, financial status, or spiritual ah-ha moment.

Sounding out my thoughts with you means, finally, I am able to say to my soul, Pecha Kulpa, "Fuck Guilt!", and, turn to my heart, whispering, "Amazing!".

It took me since August 2012, to understand the advice of a powerful, Nicaraguan Curandero, when I spent time with him in Albuquerque, NM.

(Photo taken Santa Fe, New Mexico, 2012/©2013 DaniseCodekas Photographer)

So strange to have lingered there, in the vast, unpredictable desert, upon the realization that the only reason I returned to New Mexico was to put myself through the cosmic awareness ringer, in G-force time, seeking two shamans' insight into my soul: one, Nicaraguan;  the other, a Mayan.

 

I should have left Albuquerque, once I realized: "This is the reason I came back to Albuquerque: to meet them." . It was never about New Mexico, or escape. It was time for the blinders to be removed from my eyes as my soul screamed to start the next part of my life’s adventure.

However, the guilt, pain, uninspiring people, untrue friends, and material possessions, that held no relevancy for the next part of my spiritual journey had to be released: reverentially and graciously. To hold onto to those ideas, people and possessions that no longer served my advancement, would bind me to a repeat performance of karmic debt. Who needs that?

I don't have time for karmic debt repayments. Hence, my ridiculously amazing life, for which I am grateful. Pain and suffering, sent my way, reminds me  that love is the only reality. My lessons learned about Self-love, and then, by the grace of all that is holy, allowing others to love me, are the only lessons needed.

Always the balance, in our lives, when streaming love through all reality, in present time/space continuum, a.k.a., my life, your life, their lives  reveal that  love blankets all entities in the world, and the universe: animal, cosmos, weather, human, foliage.

(Photo taken Albuquerque, 2012/©2013 DaniseCodekas Photographer)

Whenever the awareness arises, that I am filtering, everything in my life, through the eyes of  "Guilt", which imprints more self-inflicted pain, and a world-view, inspired by the self-deprecation filter, I recall  the word, "Amazing" into my mind, as a shaman taught me. That word shatters looking at the world through old guilt.

I repeat,”Amazing”, mantra-like, to re-balance my energy, restore self-love ,which always brings me to a knowledge, of which action to take, not take, or drop the desire for,  or,connection to that which before me, that no longer serves my evolving life.

 

(Photo taken Albuquerque, New Mexico 2012/ ©2013 DaniseCodekas Photographer)

I knew the destructive, guilt driven view,of myself, within this world was ending. These two powerful male shamans, were the main point of traversing across the Southwestern Desert.

 

Realizing how amazing the immediate situation is, as my reality, and it is amazing to be part of “it”, present to “it”, and interacting with “it”:transforming the consciousness of the myself ,and others, in the universe, because I said, “Fuck Guilt!"!

I now look at every breath and flower, as part of a moment I masterfully created because I am incredible and worthy of this amazing life, which I create with all beings, entities and universes.

Unhindered view of my soul arose, a little bit higher, from the depths of depression, fear and anger into more joy, self-respect, and amazing adventures, and horrendous loss.

Being tested by the universe and myself, not only brings amazing meetings and gifts; it also provides outstanding challenges, loss, duels of hearts, minds and souls to my doorstep. I created it. I asked for wisdom and a gracious ability to laugh at myself, more.

I created it. My lack of awareness, time-wasting focus and interactions eventually were recognized, addressed and adjusted, by me,  or let go of within a few months, ripped out of my circle of life, after meeting with the Curanderos, and imbedding their lessons into my soul and my mind, through action.

My life was plunged into hell, soon there after, and by request that my eyes be opened to who I am, were ripped open, like onion layers. Every few weeks, another old memory or mind loop begins to unwind, and I am left with the desire to connect to others, and change my current habits in order to progress to a better, finer love of self and all of you.

Life On The Road, Now

Danise Codekas 2013, All Rights Reserved.

 

The time of recognizing the needs of this woman,who has driven 12,820 miles since May 2012, begins to take shape, here in the desert oasis of Las Vegas, Nevada. I’ve been here since January 10, 2013.

This trip, when I began, had one destination in sight. Corrales, New Mexico. Yet, I drove back to the Pacific NW, 3 times, between June and September.

My intentions are so easily bent and re-molded according to what I am working on in life. Drove back to the Olympic Peninsula, the first time to rekindle a relationship with a family member, that completed in 4 days, and drove to New Mexico, again.

You create the journey, follow your own map and enter into situations, which rip you apart, put you back together again, make you strong, make you sad, and test your sanity.

Life on the Road, it is for now: my road.

I swooped into  Denver and many interesting people placed themselves before me. For the first time since I left Seattle in 1995, for the forests, farms and shorelines of the Puget Sound, Denver became the city of my life. September until January, I huddled there.

Walked the streets, drove to its parks, mountain passes, rivers,  and coffee houses, and learned from a man that I was “not very photogenic”, had a “fat ass”, and was too short (5’6 1/2”). For a moment, I believed him.

Travelled to Vail, Colorado Springs, Breckenridge, Boulder, Garden of the Gods, and Nebraska, where I  was seduced by each location, and the places in between.

I contemplated what I was doing driving hither and yon: received an answer. The soft chuckle of unseen angels were heard above my bed and exhausted I fell asleep, accepting where I was, who I was with, and slept the sleep of the dead.

Trying to explain to you why the drive to leave everything I knew for 20 odd years and drive across the empty beauty of the Southwest, and the unimaginable beauty of South Western Nebraska, and the Colorado glory, is boring . I felt it, heard it and knew I had to go.

I don’t have words that can explain to you, why I left anywhere I have been, except that at each point ,the people I was with, no longer needed me to be with them. I do not know if I will ever see any of them again.

Even though, Facebook and Twitter help us to be with someone, I 140 characters,  and phone calls bring them closer, I need to be in the presence, of another human being, to  know the truths of our experience.

 

 

Whatever these encounters, living situations, and intermingling were supposed to help me figure out, I am still in travel mode.

Sitting here in the desert, with 3 people  is, once again, an interesting experiment: testing will, compassion, power, love, disdain, cruelty, control, rejection and many other emotions that erupt.

I have never been lonelier in my life. Without anchor, boat house, or tie-downs. Yet, still I breath and hope and wish for the next indicated thing, which leads me to happiness, home, love, and peace.

Finding I can survive most situations, even though I am not very “photogenic”, have a “big butt” and am “too short” (5’6 1/2” tall), as one person told me in Denver, I have a great vibe and love animals and people who demonstrate compassion, creativity, kind-heartedness. These things have to be their anchors in life.

I was a bitch, along the way, a few times. Fear, anger are emotions that erupt when I travel,  that have nothing to do with the trip, and everything to do with me relocating to a new place;and every idea and dream, and my past, gets blown to kingdom come through the new interactions and trials on the road.

You are left standing naked before the sun, and know what you have to do next. If you don’t do it, say it, go there; forever, you will regret not listening to your heart, and no one and no road will satisfy you until you act and complete the dance, with them or without them.

It all comes down to people. The one you return to, the one you will never see again, the one you wish you could see. We are not solitary humans. We are geared for touchstones which create balance and safe harbor. To expect the past to re-appear is foolish. I changed, you change ,when we travel through space at 75 mph for 10 months.

What it will become for me tomorrow or next month, I have no idea. Something, Someplace,  or Someone will attract me, beckon me and a decision will be made then.

 

Sticker on the Door Panel in my bedroom in Denver. Never noticed it until the moment I walked out of the room with my suitcase.

Drive On In Faith

©Danise Codekas, December 18, 2012,

“Just as a mirror, which reflects all things, is set in its own container, so too the rational soul is placed in the fragile container of the body. In this way, the body is governed in its earthly life by the soul, and the soul contemplates heavenly things through faith.”--HILDEGARD OF BINDEN, letter to the Monk Guibert, 1175

It is a long time between posts and a writer sometimes finds it necessary to cogitate on what is transpiring in her life.

As many of you know, 8 months ago I began a new journey which was set off by a series of dreams in the months preceding the adventures.

9000 miles of driving, in the United States, displays on my odometer since May. The car has never been completely unpacked, nor cleaned since departing the Pacific Northwest. I returned to the Northwest two times, and spent 5 days there first return, then two weeks there the second.

Sometimes returning from the departure point is necessary because there is unfinished relationships, a wide-angle view is needed to see the new location one is thinking about, or, because there is no sure direction, since limbo precedes direction and the next indicated path in one’s life.

I cannot explain the feelings, fears and revelations which accompanied me across mountains, plains and deserts. If you are on a journey such as mine, a pilgrimage of unknown distance and time, you will understand what I may not be able to explain in words.

Perhaps my dreams, preceding my travels, can be explained by this quote, below, by George Eliot. She explains my current pilgrimage best.

“A supreme love, a motive that gives a sublime rhythm to a woman's life, and exalts habit into partnership with the soul's highest needs, is not to be had where and how she wills: to know that high initiation, she must often tread where it is hard to tread, and feel the chill air, and watch through darkness. It is not true that love makes things easy: it makes us choose what is difficult.”--GEORGE ELIOT, Felix Holt

It is a profound time for me to look inward and outward. Thousands of photographs taken, many words fill pages of the travel journal, unique encounters with people who were kind to a stranger, canyons and hotels and homes that provided a roof, a warm place to rest and write.

Unique, extra-ordinary people met, physical challenges overcome, amazing vistas, foods and animals and sunrises followed by sunsets remembered and photographed.

I find myself, this Christmas Holiday time, like so many of you, on a cusp of change meandering across my path. I feel as if an amazing event is hurtling toward me. A home and hearth will draw me in and community and friends will surround this place on earth.

My wish before the year ends, for the kickoff of the next year of my life is a home, wonderful editing, writing and PR work contracts, and a driveway for my car to rest.

Passion fuels me along in my writing and PR and photojournalist opportunities are slowly arising to fuel my body, car and soul along the way for which I am eternally grateful.

Good health, more wisdom and more compassionate interactions with those I meet along the way, I hope, fills my ethereal Christmas stocking.

The changes we see around us, the ones we call into our lives, have to be understood, sometimes as lessons, and sometimes as simple joys sent across the cosmos. It is really only a matter of getting back to the perfection we all were, at one time, when we took our first breaths. Almost every step I take brings me closer to that state of Grace, I hope.

May this time of sharing and remembering be filled with joy, contemplation, love, renewal and completion for you. Let the past go.

Drive On in Faith.

“Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and border and salute each other.”--RAINER MARIA RILKE, Letters to a Young Poet

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Denver and Sisyphus

© DaniseCodekas, 2012

“It is the glory and good of Art, That Art remains the one way possible Of speaking truths, to mouths like mine at least.”-ROBERT BROWNING, The Ring and the Book

There are reasons to live in a city. Nighttime is when I am able to connect with the energy of the city:when I can hear her speak to me.

Walking through the empty streets and alleys, you can see the true face of a city, late late at night. During the day, the harsh reality or the incredible beauty of a village or town is only a partial story of its inhabitants.

“The Cafe Terrace on the Place du Forum Arles at Night”(Van Gogh,1888)

 

Van Gogh was  inspired by Arles, France. The cafe is still there, as I found out a few years ago. And the same starry nights, blanket the village on Fall nights. Van Gogh found inspiration in Arles, and love.

Walking alone, after all clubs and stores have closed for the night, I am able to smell, observe and gain a perspective, which adds to my thoughts and feelings about the mortar and brick siren, men are seduced by and to, for millennia, in many cases.

Remembering the hundreds of cities passed,these last 6 months, of my life, I wonder if one of them held all that I needed? Most times, you move to a city because there is beauty, culture, art and inspiration to do your work. Denver, has delivered with its power, Architecture, cannily creative people, and its location in one of the most incredible, mountain kingdoms, on Earth, that all compel and inspire me to write.

“The great artist when he comes, uses everything that has been discovered or known about his art up to that point, being able to accept or reject in a time so short it seems that the knowledge was born with him, rather than that he takes instantly what it takes the ordinary man a lifetime to know, and then the great artist goes beyond what has been done or known and makes something of his own.”-ERNEST HEMINGWAY, Death in the Afternoon

Struck by the incredible homes and mansions, I walk past daily, in a neighborhood which is famous for its famous residents of the past, I wonder what is my new standard to judge a city and neighborhood by, as it has been more than 20 years that I have lived in a large, thousands of humans, per sq. mile city.

At night, like tonight, the silence is wonderful and the colors glistening off the city streets enhances the mystical quality of Denver, or any city, for that matter. Cold, yes, and safe in certain moments.

Remembering how many deserts and miles I drove through on my way here, Denver was not an easy city to arrive in my wagon, or horseback. It was, a long time ago, a place you really wanted to go because the arduous trip, without trains or planes, was long, dangerous and exhaustive.

Since arriving, the Subaru has received two citations for braving the wrath of tow-trucks and neighbors, who wanted it moved from street locations. In this neighborhood, there is a 2 hour parking limit. Which means, you are near businesses, lots of them.

Also, the first Tuesday or Wednesday of the month, from April to November, depending on the side of street you’re parked in, street cleaning converges to send vehicle owners scurrying for new parking slots until streets are clean.

The town has a lot of refuse in the streets and litter everywhere. Don’t think I have seen so much litter in a while. Surprised by the lack of garbage cans and the casual throw-it-in-the-street attitude, of Denverites. Why is that?

Denver seems to run pretty smooth. And, at night, crisp cold air, a little rain and a few cars illuminate its power, as a congregating place for some rather influential and creative individuals.

When I went looking for a new home, 5 months ago, I never thought I’d be here. It was on my list of places to explore, however, living, in the middle of a medium-sized metropolis, was not in the plan. A mountainside, lakeside or high-desert plateau was on the ephemeral agenda.

City, metropolis, downtown was not in the vocabulary for relocation. Now, it is and the universe, once again, proves to me, it has a sense of humor, it’s perfect agenda for my development, oh, and wait, an incredible energy and peace for my writing, which occupied the number 1 spot, for the other reason to stay, health.

My health and my writing are the two most important guides in choosing a place to live. Yes, beauty and peace are always in my field of life, however, if I am going to unpack the car and commit to an abode, I have to feel good physically, and I have to be able to write for long periods of time, peacefully. Got both in Denver.

“Perhaps there is no other way of reaching some understanding of being than through art? Writers themselves don't analyze what they do; to analyze would be to look down while crossing a canyon on a tightrope. To say this is not to mystify the process of writing but to make an image, out of the intense inner concentration, the writer must have to cross the chasms of the aleatory and make them the word's own, as an explorer plants a flag.” NADINE GORDIMER, Nobel Lecture, Dec. 7, 1991

Sure, my work hours are weird, and sometimes, like tonight, 3:37am does not seem that strange an hour to be writing, because by 5am, I will have finished whatever added words are whispering to me to bring them forth, into 3rd world dimensionality. My muse is asleep tonight, and my Sisyphus sits to my right.

Instead of rolling a stone up a hill in Hades, to only have it roll back to the bottom of said Hades’ hill, I move fingers across keyboards, relentlessly, until I am able to sleep. unlike, Prometheus who had to walk back down the hill, and roll the stone up again.

At least, I didn’t trick Hades into slipping on a pair of handcuffs, and then locked him in the closet for a while, making it impossible for anyone on earth to die. If you were chopped up in battle, you didn’t die.

Earth was in turmoil because of Sisyphus’s fun with Hades. He convinced his wife not to bury him, which meant he could not cross the river Styx, and convinced Persephone to send him back topside, so his wife could put a coin under his tongue, to pay for passage across the Styx. Of course, he partied on for a long time before Hades caught up with him.

“The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight. They had thought with some reason that there is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labor.”-
Albert Camus

 

What I am doing is looking deeply into the heart of a city which is beginning to intrigue me. Will I be here for long? Don’t know, however, I have landed somewhere which is interesting and intriguing, surrounded by great, magnificent Nature.

The humans here are also thoughtful, imaginative and very direct, with me. Refreshing , they are. Healthy buggers, too. If we were in Santa Barbara or Lahaina, I could understand the great physical shapes which are all over Colorado. Constant reminder to move and enjoy the sunshine.

Speaking with a new acquaintance, this week, I mentioned that a decision I had was when I turn 70, and if I was still living alone, I would move to Rome. He asked my why was I waiting and my standard answer, for the past, has been because of a family member, who I needed to assist at bedside, when Hades comes to lead them on.

Thinking about that response, I realized I had changed my idea about my future Roman relocation.Of course, Italy and Rome will forever be a possibility, however, my reasoning for relocating changed somewhere along the 8000 mile roadsides I drove by this year.

Not in Rome or some other place, because, for now, this is what my psyche and soul need. This place, this latitude, this Mile High City. Unlike, my Greek-Cretan forbearers, I believe there is no more dreadful punishment than to live a life without love.

Futile and ceaseless labor seems to be the lot, of any artist ,as we pursue our craft, usually alone; our fascination with the creation; and, in the end, rolling the creation off the other side of the mountain, and hiking back down to begin a new sentence, a new design, a new, ephemeral idea which leads to birthing the unknown into creation.

“Whether it is the beautiful that brings to our hearts the love of truth and justice, or whether it is truth that teaches us how to find the beautiful in nature and how to love it, in either case art does a noble work. It drags out the soul from its everyday shell, and brings it under the spell of its own mysterious and wonderful power, so that a memory of this experience stays with the people, sustains them in their daily labors, and refines their minds.”--HELENA MODJESKA, "Women and the Stage," The World's Congress of Representative Women

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In My Wildest Dreams

© Danise Codekas, 2012

"Not knowing what to do next, leads to the next indicated step. The searching heart activates and finds its path."-@DaniseCodekas #quote [excerpt from my upcoming book, The New Men]

In the interest of sanity one must always be aware that feeding off of other’s insanity does not make you insane. Just unbalanced for a while. It is easy to morph into someone else’s life; their tragedies, their addictions, their likes and dislikes.

At some point you have to understand that the only reason to become involved in another’s life is to learn a lesson and teach a lesson. Some lessons last lifetimes. This is called love or marriage or divorce and separation.

“Love&Courage walk side by side. Saying you're falling in love with them reveals your brave heart is worthy."-@DaniseCodekas #quote [excerpt from my upcoming book, The New Men]

To disentangle you have to delve into your own passions and understand your strengths and weaknesses. Many of us escape through addictions or other’s interests. Most of us remain in our own private worlds, thinking and analyzing without interference from anyone else's words or opinions. This is claustrophobic for your mind and soul.

In the ever-evolving tunes in your heart, you begin to change and in those changes arise ideas and situations which are new and unexplainable.

When this happens, it is best to do whatever you are feeling in that moment, without thought of how it will look to other people.

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive.” – #Howard Thurman #quote

There can be no denying that we all try to see what our image looks like in others’ eyes. However, it is a waste of time since you are adapting to their visualizations of you, which inevitably do not reveal to you who you really are inside.

I was once asked to write something about someone who I did not know. I refused, since until I am face to face with another human being, knowing who they are is irrelevant to my ability to really understanding them.

Facial features, smiles, to me of voice all affect how I relate to someone. It is human nature; it is also animal nature. It is in our DNA. Fight or Flight response exists in humans as well as other species on earth. I pay attention to it whenever my flight button is pushing against my mind.

Where does that leave me? In a situation which has to be decided as to whether to go or stay. In that scenario, I pull back and ask myself what is the lesson I am learning from this person, and what is the thing that I am teaching. If I do not know, I stay.

If there are answers to both questions, it is time to go. The times that I have left because someone asked me to are usually the most confusing, for a few hours. Then, the answer comes, once I calm down, that the time we were together contained, every instance of communication, it was meant to convey to our hearts or souls.

There are people who I have left who have regretted asking me to leave. They call or text and say they are wrong or try to re-establish communication.

In ending our time together, they need to understand that returning or re-establishing our relationship is not copasetic with my needs and what it is that I am understanding from the ending, they initiated and created.

“Finding the person you want to be with for life, will not be the illusion you had in your head. They'll be more than."-@DaniseCodekas #quote [excerpt from my upcoming book, The New Men]

In all these endings, neither of us knows what the impact shall be on the other. What I have come to understand is that why they did it is not relevant to me. It is their life; their decision.

Usually, being released from a situation by another, leads me to an incredible adventure, of new sights and people who were waiting to meet me, and I, them. You never know how your life is going to turn out when this happens, of course. The only thing I am ever sure of is that I am being led into something new.

Right now, I have been on the road for almost 6 months. When I began this journey it was to find something. Did not know what it was however I know to stay where I was no longer served that little soul of mine.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover”– #Mark Twain.

I did not realize there would be so much driving. 8500 miles so far, and the number of people who gave me some direction, some food, something to ponder cannot be counted on all 20 digits.

What I had not expected was some of the truly amazing situations I found myself in, and the peace found in being on the road, stopping to rest, and then thinking about my life over these months.

There are mysteries I found along the way which I have yet to understand or examine, and there are situations that occurred which were not pleasant. Yet, even the unpleasantness proved to be a petri dish of things that I needed to look at closely and come to see why it they happened to me. All lessons, and lessons one can learn about on the road,alone.

The one thing I did not expect was my inability to explain to people why I was on the road, and where I was headed. Too personal, and yet, to vague in my own heart.

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” – #John Wooden #quote

Some thought me crazy, and still do. To those I say, don’t judge me while you have a dream or desire in your heart you are too afraid to follow. Talk to me after you embark on that quest, and then we will have something to share and will see the similarities, rather than one another’s insanity.

I now realize I could have left New Mexico after meeting with the Ecuadorian and Mexican Mystic Shamans, which took place 2 months before I left. I know the moment I walked away from them and their interpreters that they were the reason I had gone to New Mexico, left, and then returned to find them.

I know that many of my experiences there had to do with men and how they operate in their lives, and the differences between their outlooks and interpersonal relationships because of their differing cultures. I also had to see how I interacted with men, after so many years of living a life that did not challenge me in that regard, other than men at work.

I learned that you can be friends, with someone, for many years, and when you live with them, see what their life is really like, you begin to understand the relative value of your relationship to them, not as a friend, but as a compassionate human being.

As an observer who is astounded by the new information garnered from their habits, patterns, likes, dislikes, and addictions. Ending a friendship is not something to castigate yourself over because adults know what they are doing when they hurt or shock you.

Incredible kindnesses and enjoyment of just talking to strangers about things in the world you are both familiar with, led to some wonderful new friendships, that are still developing and expanding.

The one thing I knew when I began this pilgrimage of mine was that I would be taken care of and that somewhere,along the way, I would find my new peace and begin to build something extraordinary.

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.” - Dr. Wayne #Dyer #quote

So, go. Do what you have been dreaming about for a long time. Even if it is only to kiss someone or tell them you love them.

"Unrequited love means they are not the one, after you told them.The One is looking for you,too. Walk towards them."-@DaniseCodekas #quote [excerpt from my upcoming book, The New Men]

Courage on the road is no different than courage in relationships, because, both cause stress if not released when you decide to stay in the moment. Do  not lean into the future, or fall back into the past because neither of those paradigms exist.

You are in the present and that is where the miracles, lessons and loves appear and touch you, awaken you, deliver you into a new paradigm which you never could have imagined in your wildest dreams.

“Comfort in silences,with the one you love, means your hearts reside in peace."-@DaniseCodekas #quote [excerpt from my upcoming book, The New Men]

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Traveling

©Danise Codekas, 2012 All Rights Reserved

“Live, travel, adventure, bless, and don't be sorry.”-Jack Kerouac

Whoosh, things change fast sometimes. The part which becomes annoying is when it all changes and there is nothing on the horizon.

That’s the space I put myself in recently. This 4 month self-test I put myself in is ongoing and being on the road is part of it. If I hold onto something now, it changes quickly.

There are no negatives as I am creating each experience because it is time to generate the new awareness which has become…sorry I am now watching a man smoke a little cigar inside a restaurant that is no smoking. He is daring the establishment, with the smug look on his face. I am still watching as people begin to notice.

At this point in time, anything can happen and it will. Something has been accomplished here in the Southwest these last months, in that, I realized once again I can go anywhere in the world and survive, make friends, observe and interact in ways which uphold my self respect.

“What's in store for me in the direction I don't take?”-Jack Kerouac

Man, I have had some hard knocks, as a traveler, a friend and a woman, however each of those experiences were created by me as a test of myself and understanding of human and animal behavior.

This should come as no surprise given the origin of the word, Travel from the 13th century French word Travail. once again, I just needed to look back into my family lineage to realize why travel is so glorious and so life-changing, so torturous to the soul, and so incredibly needed in order to understand oneself and others.

“Middle English, from Anglo-French, from travailler to torment, labor, journey, from Vulgar Latin *trepaliare to torture, from Late Latin trepalium instrument of torture, from Latin tripalis having three stakes, from tri- + palus stake — more at pole”.—Webster

The list of topics I hit on include men, women, friends, radical change, death, trust, miraculous, kindness, my relationships with men in the past, family, relocation and my favorite, letting go of many people and experiences which no longer serve what I am headed toward at this point in my life.

Watching humans create chaos or bliss in their loves is fascinating. Luckily, I have had a front seat in so many new homes, relationships and once-in-a-lifetime meetings, I know I headed in the right direction when I came down here.

I do not intend to stay very long here now, and wherever I head, will be a short stay probably with family while I regroup for a few weeks. Every thing I sought here I have found, even though those things were not anything that I was looking for when I first started out.

Time and timing is important and there are only so many minutes left in my life. Choosing each step along the way consciously is impossible when I place myself in the hands of the universe. Sometimes I just need to trust and take a step into the unknown.

People are asking me what i am going to do. When I do it, you will know. The Land of Enchantment was  never more than a stop along the way. The destination of heart is not on any map, and when I get there, hopefully I will recognize it.

Next Sunday is my birthday and it also the same week day I was born on. I think that comes around only so often in a person’s life, I think this will be the last one that occurs for me, this lifetime.

So, I will enjoy it and celebrate the impossible, as this journey proves the impossible is possible, as long as I listen to that all-knowing voice inside. Laugh, sure, however, one thing I am sure of,always not listening to that voice, never brought me love, contentment or peace. Never.

This journey has been a stream of 1/2 the desire manifesting. 1/2 of what I wanted in living situation,work, writing arrived for me. The other half of that perfection did not.

I walked into the room, filled with 1/2 the things I wanted and the door was locked to the other half. A curious situation and what were the reasons 1/2 did not arise? Because that was the half I needed to understand if it was important/not important at this point in my life.

Also, I did not see/get the other half because I am no longer interested in that type of energy, situation, or silence, about what I think I need now. Demand that Life brings the things you need, however, be aware, like love, the quiet transformative gifts which arrive, for you, are always surprises. If you cannot handle them, it was not love, or the right job or the right way. They were what you needed, in order to become aware of who you are now.

We all have expectations for our perfect lives and loves. Yet, life is about seeking the unknown and acting with the tools and understandings you have in your heart, soul and mind now. I walked into a man’s house and he had pictures of women all over the house.

The movie stars, the mother scenes, the woman lying half out of a bath. His ideas of perfection of the female form and energy.

The problem with those daily pictures which are viewed all the time, is they do not allow for the real one he may be looking and hoping for to enter. No one woman can fulfill the fantasy, the illusion. So, men remain alone, grow old, have indifferent affairs and remain alone.

I see it again and again. Hell, I was becoming one of the women who are exactly emulating the men, and then I stopped years ago.

“Life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone.”-Jack Kerouac

I took all the requirements off my list and left only one. He has to love the mornings. Also, I realized I have never dated a blond or a redhead. Hmm,so what does that mean?

Nothing. There is no reason. These things have nothing to do with hair color. It has to do with experiences I call into my life, because it is time to deal with them. They just always had dark hair. So there it is.

“The only truth is music.”-Jack Kerouac

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Resonance and Physics

© Danise Codekas, 2012, Resonance and Physics

"Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be." — Thomas a Kempis

The entire time I became involved with this journey into the space of my mind and the empty space outside of it, I realized that the only extemporaneous event that would relax me would be the constant challenging that I am required to face , every day when I awake.

I think it is imperative we challenge ourselves on who we meet, how we interface and what we do with the new information we have  about ourselves and if it applies to a current situation that needs resolution.

For me to say, I’m tired, is ridiculous at this point in time. There is too much to do. There are too many places to see and whatever it is that I am trying to exemplify in my inner questing for something that is indefinable. “Tired” cannot be part of the example that I use, when I become unalterably conscious, of all the various ways, that I am beginning to change.

Change occurs at the deepest level of consciousness and sometimes, as in my case, it can take years,months, minutes before it hits the surface cellular membranes, that surround the brain.

Internal change is the unspoken voice of soul and when you allow it to come to the surface, through quests, challenges and soul searching; or, ignoring the voice, as I try to do from time to time, eventually, it will explode into your mind. Bang, the new direction is set, much to your joy, or, as in my case a physical quest.

"That which you or I think is most unique about ourselves we hide. In ordinary discourse, in the normal state, we share our common self, our superficial self. Yet what is most unique about us is what has the greatest potential for bonding us. When we share our uniqueness, we discover the commonality in greatness that defines everyone on the planet." — Robert E. Quinn

Those people, places and communications you seek with others only come about if it resonates with you and how you resonate with them. Trying to find the right job, story, picture, home, right mate, only comes about when the resonance field around both objects draws you together. Basic physics 101. The part everyone forgets is that 2 objects cannot occupy the same space, at the same time. How that relates to love making, I will leave that up to you.

In time whatever it is you are searching for will or won’t show up and that all depends on the self-speak you tell yourself. if you say, “it’ll never happen” hoping it will, well, friends, it/he/she will not show up.

I know this type of reasoning upsets some of you, however, remember I speak only from personal experience, and a decades long perusal of ancient texts and spending time with a lot of mystics, healers, alternative health providers and shamans, and of course years with Tibetan monks.

Do I do it right? No, not all the time, it takes practice on my part and some people get it in a second, and those people are called enlightened beings. I do recognize one thing though, talking to people on this adventure of mine, some are seeing their desires, their thoughts manifest quicker now.

The veil between the thought and the manifestation has become thinner as we move closer to an understanding of our effects upon one another.

We become closer to one another through these communication tools we are experimenting with in the social media world, and in the places we take ourselves, listening to those inner voices.

Trying to figure out the right words and thoughts which will generate that which is the most resonant to me is taking some time. Place, relationship, story, photograph,car are all part of my journey now.

The things I am seeking, enjoying, looking at closely even though they are not in physical form. Many attempts at touching them, yet elusive, until that resonant wave brings the polarities into the same place. The new physics is really the old, as anyone who has studied the ancient texts of old cultures.

"The great paradox of the 21st century is that, in this age of powerful technology, the biggest problems we face internationally are problems of the human soul."— Ralph Peters

I Am Not Beautiful. Beauty, I Am.

©Danise Codekas, 2012, All Rights Reserved

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” –John Lennon

 

My body feels perfect, right now. Exercised, washed, moisturized, nails and hair done. Just need to acknowledge that I am happy to have a relatively good body:a working body, that is.

By no means is it perfection. It has aged well, as have I in rites of passage, wisdom challenges and physical breakdowns which did not bring me to death. Not yet.

I try to avoid looking at certain areas on this 5’7” frame.

I am Athena/Venus, with a touch of  Artemis, and a dash of Guinevere, thrown in. All women are images of archetypes in history. We have to be, since, we are all descended from the DNA which created  form,  that resemble goddesses.

What I see in the mirror is different from what a man sees, when he looks at me. I am not sure of that 100%, however, I think about 99% sure.  I have never worried what a man would think of my looks because I was never a beautiful woman. True,what men think of women, is based on a unique perspective.

Just as women, as individuals, there are men which you like, which I don’t give a second glance to, right? There are those paragons of beauty, male and female, which the entire world agrees or maybe 50%, that they are perfection in human form.

I don’t think being stared at for my beauty, has or ever will be a problem. I get stared at usually because of a comment I make during a discussion, which turns heads or brings out a challenge, sometimes. I also can make people laugh, which greatly surprises me, almost every time, as it is not planned. That intrigues me. What a person laughs at and why.

I do not remember jokes. Can’t think of one now and probably will not be of any help to you if we are ever hijacked for 1 joke. We would never be released.

I can remember the longest word in the world and recite, perfectly, a number of tongue twisters. So, why am I talking about myself. Well, this has been a ridiculous week, in my life.

Thought that some transitory aspects of my life would be anchored in one location for 2 more months. That belief exploded on Monday when the entire game plan was changed because of someone else’s game plan.

One of those weeks, which you have probably had a few times a year over the course of your lifetime, yes? It takes me about 8-10 hours to get back to even keel, after someone lobs a grenade at my illusionary plans. This one took exactly 7hrs, from 9am to 4pm.

Been keeping an eye on recovery time for these events as I hope to get to where it takes less than a second. Saves so much stress on my body, and cannot imagine ever having to take pills to relax me, or pills to sleep because the universe decides I need to go another way, and quickly, for my best interest.

These little dramas we are pulling into our lives now, we are doing for our own benefit, right? There is no one else walking around with your heart and soul inside of them, yet, is there?

Pretentious behavior has no place in this modern day eclipse we are all trying to enjoy. However, to enjoy the eclipse into heightened sense of awareness, clarity of work, direction moving forward in wisdom, creativity and relationships, there is that price we put on our own heads.

The price is Love. Love of self,love of the earth, love of those acts which bring happiness to ourselves and others. Love.

I tend to sidestep love, as I am sure you do to. Not running from it. Just not at the tip of my tongue when my world explodes for 7 hours. Like to dive into the space of rejection, unworthiness, guilt. The usual spaces that were created by me probably from the first time I was chastised as a young child. Really don’t know, really don’t care because it is in the past.

However, the imprint of that memory in my cells is still there and over time it has been expunged, in bits and pieces. Not so deep a feeling, not so crunching a blow, not much of anything except a momentary dive into the past which serves no purpose in resolving, clearing and letting go of whatever I needed to experience and understand by creating this week’s annihilation of an illusion.

 

Thank you, Self, for creating this and thank you for providing me with such an excellent friend, that would lob the grenade at me.

Realizing I create my own reality, everything in my world is here because I imagined it, and earth is the place where the dream, wish, desire you walk around with in your head, everyday, comes into manifestation.

If you don’t define the form, you might not be happy with it. Earth is the planet of manifestation, isn’t it?Everything is here for us and we keep creating and expanding, so that those to come will see its magnificence and want to create more of it.

But I diverge from topic. I do not believe things happen randomly. I do not believe in pre-destination. I do not believe that I will never fall in love.

Oh, there were glimmers of love in men along the way. But radiance? Clarity?

“AH HA! You’re the One? For real?,”and he doesn’t need to answer because we know. That guy will arrive before I kick off from this Earthly Kingdom. How do I know? I do. I just know. Foolish? My life, my heart.

Point of the matter is, there is nothing on this earth you or I cannot have, if we are ready to have it. There has to be a resonance between two objects for them to attract, and be able to live in a sustainable relationship or environment.

There are not any second chances, either, or, at least, their numbers are dwindling, like species and melting glaciers around the planet. We are coming closer together, via Internet, dwindling open land that can sustain human life, infected H2O and dirty air pushing humanity off their land and further from eco-sustainability.

We are being forced into one another’s fields of energy and it is imperative you and I know that lies, pretentions are recognized with increasing speed among us.

Falsehoods and mask wearers are being exposed as this quickening in our evolution grows. Pay attention to that voice inside your heart. It never lies to you or leads you in the wrong direction.

Sure, you may not like the direction, however, eventually the Ah Ha moment will come, if you listen to the deepest, most loving part we have, which no one, no one will ever be able to confuse.

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” ― Dr. Seuss

Stymphalian Birds: A Reminder

©Danise Codekas, 2012

“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

The continued build up of social networking around the globe is leading to some interesting match ups. Right in your face confrontations, as in the case on my Facebook page, www.facebook.com/danisecodekas, and on other FB friends' pages.

Realize it is an open forum once you are befriended, however, a name calling, cruel toned, diatribe-tossing forum, on my FaceBook pages gets no action on my part except to un-friend or delete the conversations. Branch.com can be used for those nasty word-throwing, typing fests. Go to your rooms.

The irony of the argument is that the discussion was about war: which president started it, which one inherited the legacy. Like one man has the power to push that button, now. Since Google+ kicked in with circles within circles, I tend to look at universal arguments about war and peace as citizens, 6 billion of them, within the circles, interlinked, and anchored on this planet, together, trying to survive.

Yes, cruelities are abhorrent, and cruel people exist. Yet, in my lowly estimation, there are more balanced, good people on the planet than the un-balanced, vicious ones. I am not a foolish woman, although foolish things I have done, however, from my experiences around the world, the good guys showed up, eventually.

I was once dumped out of a car, in the middle of a snowstorm, in a field above a lake. It was the results of an argument with the person driving the car. Tempers flew, words were said and the argument I cannot remember now.

Stricken by the enormity of the act of this individual, trying to find shelter from the snow, didn’t register, so shocked was I to be standing in the field. I could see the huge maple trees, denuded, frozen, the wind and snow whipped my face as I looked down the road waiting to see backup lights, when the fool realized the danger I was now in.

The silence caught my attention. The quiet of the falling snow. The sound of my boots crunching through the top-frozen snow layer as I walked to a tree, for shelter from the whirling wind.

Thank God for down clothing. Leaning against the tree, on the leeward side, clarity came about this person which could of only happened being in this cold,precarious situation. There were no houses around, and the walk to the lake would be a few miles. Too cold, windy and slippery. Next to the tree, I had shelter.

It was then I realized my intolerance towards acts of cruelty, in any form. Forgiving someone because they make an error in judgment, and do not act with intent to do harm, I can do.

The action of this person, purposeful, with intent to do harm, would never be forgotten,as you can read, however, eventually, I forgave them. I would never trust them again and no longer have anything to do with them.

I was left in the middle of a snowstorm, atop a hill, in the dark for an hour, in which fear, exhaustion, and frozen flesh began to give into wanting to sleep. Dying was a thought, and an argument should never get to a point where we begin to think we could die.

Unfortunately, many do, every day. Luckily I was not one of them. However, my first taste of cruelty, was my badge for the days to follow. Cruelty had touched me and I am grateful to be able to have had a touch of it, this lifetime. There is no excuse for it. None, ever.

Generalist are dangerous spokespersons for causes and political entities. They bore me as they did not do their homework. Grand statements that classify, criticize or demean any living being on this planet, are not worthy of a seat at my dinner table.

To wake today and find out that a populace’s government voice had said that women who are raped can do something to prevent getting pregnant during a rape, well, made me very curious. i had to read the entire story before listening to women screaming about his comments.

It’s easy to tell a woman you should bear the child of your rapist, because the child shouldn’t suffer for the rapists actions. He is opposed to abortion. His right. Pros and Cons on both sides and we all know the arguments. We all have the right to our choices, also.

There are some women who have birthed babies of their rapists for philosophical and religious reasons. To others, to be reminded of the act in which a child was conceived is abhorrent, so abortion ensues. Their right.

That right exists, for women, in this country. A majority vote of men and women carried it forward as law in America. That he was so cruelly ignorant of the horror his words imbedded in the hearts of women, who worry about rape, is inexcusable.

For centuries women bore children from rape, if they didn’t commit suicide first, or be stoned to death by their tribes. Women still are faced with these options throughout the world. However, not in America. Women have a choice, thanks to men who helped make it a law, along with women who felt it was time.

My opinion on the topic is superfluous as I have never become pregnant from a rape. It is a situation, like me alone in a snow-stormed field, miles above civilization, tired, frightened, freezing, that you can not say what you would have done until it happens.

I will say, for Todd Aiken his lesson today may be a re-look at his values and principles, which is what these self-created annihilations are all about, which we do to ourselves.

In the meantime, I see him and those who defend his cruel remarks, as a flock of Stymphalian birds. With their feathers, like arrows, causing pain and death wherever they fly. Until, Hercules arrives with his bronze rattle gifted from Athena, chasing them from the Stymphalian lake in Arcadia to Ares Island, where eventually Jason & his Argonauts take up arms.

 

The wonderful aspect of today’s events is had Todd Aiken not said this, had he been elected and had the power to enact a law disallowing a woman her right, to terminate pregnancy, after rape, we would be saying that we wish we had found out before the election.

Be glad for transparency, and the power of the media and us. Those of you who picked up your bronze rattles of Athena, and rattled them in the face of these cruel words and punishment Aiken thinks raped women should bear.

Hard to hide who you really are, and what acts you are committing or allowing, in this super conductor, Internet freeway we are on.

There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil. The man who is wrong still retains some respect for truth, if only by accepting the responsibility of choice. But the man in the middle is the knave who blanks out the truth in order to pretend that no choice or values exist, who is willing to sit out the course of any battle, willing to cash in on the blood of the innocent or to crawl on his belly to the guilty, who dispenses justice by condemning both the robber and the robbed to jail, who solves conflicts by ordering the thinker and the fool to meet each other halfway. In any compromise between food and poison, it is only death that can win. In any compromise between good and evil, it is only evil that can profit. In that transfusion of blood which drains the good to feed the evil, the compromise is the transmitting rubber tube.” -- Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

“The States are not free, under the guise of protecting maternal health or potential life, to intimidate women into continuing pregnancies.”-Harry A. Blackmun, Associate Justice, US Supreme Court. (Majority opinion in 7-2 ruling that established the constitutional legality of abortion, 22 Jan 1973)

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Whispers From The Desert

©2012 Danise Codekas
“All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name.”--Andre Breton

I spent the afternoon after a meeting, driving around Albuquerque, near Sandia.  There are some meetings which one should never attend for the simple lack of commonality of interests. Yet, one which drives all, simple greed.

One person made it clear that he had to be somewhere else and tried to set the cadence of the discussion. Sitting back, observing, kicked in and I realized, being the only woman present, these guys were not on the same page and they should be as they represented the company.

There have been times in my life when I have regretted walking away from an opportunity, simply because of the beneficial results, for me, personally. This did not apply in this instance since I have changed in the past few months.
A new perspective is in place and should I not follow my gut instinct, higher level of awareness, I am doomed to repeat the lesson over again, until I get it. I am tired of reincarnating. So this is my last lifetime.

Comes a point in most of our lives when we know something or someone is not right for us. You can dress the situation in a million illusionary scenarios, yet until you are at the table or with that person, you really have no ideas what your read will be on them/it.
I can carry along for so long in a situation like that and then my mind begins to wander, or finds it necessary to get up and walk out of the room.

I like people. Like them around me, talking to them, sharing a meal, going out, visiting their home. Yet, there are some who represent a silence once maintained, when I was too immature, too in awe of, to walk away from at the time.

We have limits to what or who we can tolerate. There will always be people who challenge our comfort levels. That may stop once, you have morphed into the perfect human being, and at that point, you will either seek to be revered as a god/dess or escape to a place of peace.

Asking myself the question as to why I embarked on this journey becomes redundant, as the answer will not reveal itself until it appears before me. So many are in pain now. Live in fear of the next moment or day.
Seeing it in their faces, which we have the opportunity to do daily either face-to-face, via the media, or across the internet, throws me into a state of gratefulness for all that I have now.

Friends still question my sanity about the drastic moves taken to divest myself of many lovely things, get in the car and drive away from all that had been my world for a number of years. More stuff will come, new friends, new locations. Not concerned about those things. That is the world. This is something else, someone else.
The View From My Home – Looking North to Olympic Mts. and Vancouver B.C.

Strange place I find myself in as I’ve led such a solitary life for a while, except animals or visitors. Since I left Steilacoom and my place above the Puget Sound, the only time I’ve been alone is in hotels. May 12th is when I handed over the keys and drove off.
“And this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything.”—William Shakespeare

It has been 2 months that I’ve been on the road, staying with friends or family. My first degree program was Anthropology. This experience has placed me in the role as an Urban Anthropologist. Seeing how people live, how their relationships change and grow, satisfies that other degree of Communications/ Sociology. Put them together, and my mind and energy is being fed continuously because these people are wonderful.

Kindness, craziness, and a roof above. I’ve traveled so much in my life, leaving home when I was 15 to live in Argentina, with people I did not know, shifted my perceptions, as all travel does. Now, older, still learning about myself, I find an incomparable experience, one which others have traveled seeking, for millennia. 

I am being led somewhere, to someone, something which rests in the mists of my journey. Unexpected, unplanned roads, people arise before me, frequently now.
Each has a message, or is a period at the end of a sentence which confirms the lessons I learned before they arrived, or, the sentence clears an incorrect perception for me.


At this point in time, major evolutionary shifts are recognized by Hopi, Aztec, Maya, Navaho, Buddhist, Jewish, The Seven Tribes… need I go on naming them? It is not the end of the world. It is the beginning of using the knowledge we’ve gained in the past 5,000 years that brings us to a cross point in evolution.

If you continue doing things which bring you harm, deny love to those you are drawn to, turn away from your life’s mission by silencing your soul for another 5,000 years, then you will join the group who resonate to your fear, guilt and sorrow.

Hopefully, you are listening to what you know is the truth for you. You won’t have a long time to decide if you want something, or if there is someone, you know resonates to you, that you finally acknowledge. Denying yourself that which you have yearned for, asked for, prayed for which now has been brought into your orbit, may cause you to lose it, forever. Some might say we are addicted to our seeking. When it arrives, that which we’ve yearned for our entire lives, some keep walking. They do not know how to stop.

What will they become if they do attain that which they desire?
You understand that this new paradigm, the end of the 4th world as the Hopi call it, places everything you want and need in your hands for the evolution of your life. You see people’s lives change swiftly, radically, at a force, dimension and transparency which is breathtaking.
 http://motherearthfathersky.org/hopi-prophecy/#.UCSh8qA0-So

And, it is amazing to experience. We all know something incredible is taking place in our lives, and yet, so many still believe it is an illusion.
I know when someone is looking at me, as if I did not exist. In the past, I may have gone toe-to-toe with them to make them look at me. I do not bother, any longer. It really was always my perception of who I was, which gave me a ghost-like presentation in those instances. Does not matter any longer, since the universe hit me over the head a few times.

I chose the experience of almost dying about 6 or 7 times. Others choose financial ruin, destruction of family, ending a love relationship, or what ever it takes to slap them awake and bring them into present being, fully consciously aware of their purpose, passion and self-worth to the species.

“There is only one admirable form of the imagination: the imagination that is so intense that it creates a new reality, that it makes things happen.”--Sean O'Faolain

Guilt has no place in your personal belief system, any longer.You and I know when we are doing something against nature or ourselves. It is part of our DNA, it is how we are wired. Everything I have done in my life, brought me to this point, this awareness. I cannot deny my Self. Perfection was never a goal. Understanding, health, love, joy, comfort lay at the base of my seeking across the planet.

Always, I have believed that I was sent/came here to be happy. Always, I have known that someday a man would appear and we would know. Some have called me a fool, and in their eyes, I am but thank god, I am not them.

I was guided to this place in the Southwest. It was not planned until a week or so before I handed over the keys to the house. You know when you’re a little scared, yet you have to take the chance or you will never have it again? That has been my guidance for these 2 months. I take the chance, turn off the “NO” voice, and it has proven to be an incredible journey.

Traveling, I am. This is not the final destination and there will be someone or something guiding me, directing, taking me to the next place on the map. I have no other way of explaining it to you. Yet, you understand clearly what I mean. We are all being challenged to drop the roles, the false personae, the excuses based on fear: the diluted, out worn fabric of our lives which no longer hides us from one another.

“As love without esteem is capricious and volatile; esteem without love is languid and cold.”--Jonathan Swift

You know immediately, when you meet someone, either in virtual or real life, if there is a connection, a resonance. Doesn’t take long to figure out anymore, does it? Marvelous possibilities arise, and yet, so many run from them because they see them through old, painful memories which exist in the mind. Change your mind, change your life.

So, my wish is that my game-playing ceases to exist with you. There are moments when I fall into an old pattern. Does not last long. Seconds, minutes when I realize I am responding out of guilt or fear. Thankfully, they are infrequent now. I do not want to run away from the most transformative moments of my life, when they are offered.

There is no room for fear, of what someone thinks of you, if you know who you are and are truthful with them. Wouldn’t you like to be with someone who is truthful with you? If you do, then you must resonate that in everything you do. Pay attention to the signals and symbols the universe is placing before you.

The universe always wins. It has phenomenal energy to persist eternally, or until you realize, this package is for you. Be brave. Open it. Rip into it. It could be the only chance you shall ever have in this lifetime.

“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.”--Antoine de Saint-Exupery