DEPRESSION

© 2013 Danise Codekas /All Rights Reserved

I am at one of those points in life when one no longer has interest in others' opinions of how to take the next step; or, move at their speed to maneuver through my ruminations about a situation, connection, relationship, financial status, or spiritual ah-ha moment.

Sounding out my thoughts with you means, finally, I am able to say to my soul, Pecha Kulpa, "Fuck Guilt!", and, turn to my heart, whispering, "Amazing!".

It took me since August 2012, to understand the advice of a powerful, Nicaraguan Curandero, when I spent time with him in Albuquerque, NM.

(Photo taken Santa Fe, New Mexico, 2012/©2013 DaniseCodekas Photographer)

So strange to have lingered there, in the vast, unpredictable desert, upon the realization that the only reason I returned to New Mexico was to put myself through the cosmic awareness ringer, in G-force time, seeking two shamans' insight into my soul: one, Nicaraguan;  the other, a Mayan.

 

I should have left Albuquerque, once I realized: "This is the reason I came back to Albuquerque: to meet them." . It was never about New Mexico, or escape. It was time for the blinders to be removed from my eyes as my soul screamed to start the next part of my life’s adventure.

However, the guilt, pain, uninspiring people, untrue friends, and material possessions, that held no relevancy for the next part of my spiritual journey had to be released: reverentially and graciously. To hold onto to those ideas, people and possessions that no longer served my advancement, would bind me to a repeat performance of karmic debt. Who needs that?

I don't have time for karmic debt repayments. Hence, my ridiculously amazing life, for which I am grateful. Pain and suffering, sent my way, reminds me  that love is the only reality. My lessons learned about Self-love, and then, by the grace of all that is holy, allowing others to love me, are the only lessons needed.

Always the balance, in our lives, when streaming love through all reality, in present time/space continuum, a.k.a., my life, your life, their lives  reveal that  love blankets all entities in the world, and the universe: animal, cosmos, weather, human, foliage.

(Photo taken Albuquerque, 2012/©2013 DaniseCodekas Photographer)

Whenever the awareness arises, that I am filtering, everything in my life, through the eyes of  "Guilt", which imprints more self-inflicted pain, and a world-view, inspired by the self-deprecation filter, I recall  the word, "Amazing" into my mind, as a shaman taught me. That word shatters looking at the world through old guilt.

I repeat,”Amazing”, mantra-like, to re-balance my energy, restore self-love ,which always brings me to a knowledge, of which action to take, not take, or drop the desire for,  or,connection to that which before me, that no longer serves my evolving life.

 

(Photo taken Albuquerque, New Mexico 2012/ ©2013 DaniseCodekas Photographer)

I knew the destructive, guilt driven view,of myself, within this world was ending. These two powerful male shamans, were the main point of traversing across the Southwestern Desert.

 

Realizing how amazing the immediate situation is, as my reality, and it is amazing to be part of “it”, present to “it”, and interacting with “it”:transforming the consciousness of the myself ,and others, in the universe, because I said, “Fuck Guilt!"!

I now look at every breath and flower, as part of a moment I masterfully created because I am incredible and worthy of this amazing life, which I create with all beings, entities and universes.

Unhindered view of my soul arose, a little bit higher, from the depths of depression, fear and anger into more joy, self-respect, and amazing adventures, and horrendous loss.

Being tested by the universe and myself, not only brings amazing meetings and gifts; it also provides outstanding challenges, loss, duels of hearts, minds and souls to my doorstep. I created it. I asked for wisdom and a gracious ability to laugh at myself, more.

I created it. My lack of awareness, time-wasting focus and interactions eventually were recognized, addressed and adjusted, by me,  or let go of within a few months, ripped out of my circle of life, after meeting with the Curanderos, and imbedding their lessons into my soul and my mind, through action.

My life was plunged into hell, soon there after, and by request that my eyes be opened to who I am, were ripped open, like onion layers. Every few weeks, another old memory or mind loop begins to unwind, and I am left with the desire to connect to others, and change my current habits in order to progress to a better, finer love of self and all of you.