Don't read this: I am perturbed and depressed

It has been a crazy week. A few hours ago I was in a blue funk. One of those times where nothing makes sense, no one who can help me, and not seeing any thing to make sense of what I am feeling. I can count on one hand how many times, this year, times like this one arose. I am not a sad person and tend to be in a pretty balanced mind-set. Loneliness and depression just do not arise much, in my life. Tonight, though, they really washed over me and there was nothing to do about it, except sit quietly and breath through the anxiety and sadness. There was some anger, too, and a desolate feeling,  of  a lack of  trust, toward fellow humane beings.

It happens to all of us, sometimes. It feels like you are the only one in the world, experiencing withdrawal, and no one is able to re-connect the dots for you. Actually, you don't want anyone around you because you are too fragile, too sad or hurt,. A touch would completly imbalance you, as this is one of those soul searches only you can figure out. It is your lesson.

Life and human actions overwhelmed me, this week, and the reasons for why people are the way they are, at times, caused anger, frustration and a need to withdraw from all interactions.

I lie on my bed, in the dark, looking at the ceiling and say things like, "God, what am I going to do?" or "Why did they do that?".

You all know what I am talking about here. It is a silent scream to the cosmic powers, and another human cannot settle the disturbance in your  soul. It has to be done by myself, by yourself, and somehow, if we are bold and brave enough, we  get up off the bed and do something, to rid ourselves of the morose, anxiety about what IT all means, and eventually, a resolution or universal truth whispers inside our hearts, and I pray, that the truth won't hurt too much.

For the past 4 or 5 weeks, I was selling some gym equipment on EBay and Craigslist. A woman decided to buy it and, she ended up being part of an international internet and bank fraud scam ring. I spent time with the fraud department of the Southside Bank in Tyler, Tx., since the check, from this ring, was from an account of The Overhead Door Company, at the bank.

The wire transfer number on the check was correct but the bank account number was fraudulent, however, it all appeared so real. Fortunately, if some stranger sends me a check for $2,150.00 more, than what the price of my item is listed for, I am not prone to run off to my bank, cash their check, and have a Western Union Money Order wired back to them, the same day.

I verify the check, first, before I hop in car and run up to my bank. Anyway, not to bore you with the unraveling of the scam process, it did involve a few hours of discussion with the Southside Bank's fraud department, my local sheriff, who came to the house to look at the check and paperwork, the UPS Fraud Department, and an hour's conversation with a friend who needed to hear about the "almost got screwed" event, of the week.

In order for someone to fool you, take advantage of you, a good way to go is to create some type of horrific, life event for themselves, so that there is a sense of empathy created between you. In this way, you tend to become more understanding of why a buyer would, inadvertently, add an additional 2150.00 to a check for a 350.00 item.

In this case, the bank fraud scammer emailed  me to say that her mother was just killed in a traffic accident, and she just wasn't thinking. It almost worked, except for the fact, that the note that came with the check,  from The Overhead Door Company, was written poorly, had numerous misspelled words, made up words, poor composition, and incorrect verb tenses. I know that is common with a lot of writers, when they are in 2nd grade Composition Class, however, this was supposed to be a Texas business. Nah...it just didn't seem right.

Their big mistake was to demand (their verb, not mine) that I take the check, cash it, and "immediately" send it via Western Union. The thing was, this woman, never mentioned The Overhead Door Company in her emails.

Up until I opened the 1 Day Air UPS envelope, Overhead and myself had never come across one another. Do I want to run a 2500.00 check through my bank without finding out if it is good? No. Especially, since this woman claimed to not have a PayPal account, either.

Southside Bank's fraud dept. said there have been hundreds of checks, using their bank wire number, made by these defrauders, over the past few months. The FBI is involved, as the checks have return labels, from New Hampshire, the gang member wants the shipment sent to San Diego ( which is probably a parking lot), and the UPS 1 Day Air letter had a point of origin in Missouri. The FBI arrested a woman a while back, who had fallen in love with some guy online, and he had asked her if she could print off his business checks, on her printer. How smooth are these thieves?

Anyway, on top of this little adventure with the internet underground, one of my visiting baby deer was killed tonight, on the road, and left there by a cruel, and hopefully, soon-to-be unlucky person. How could they just leave baby deer lying on the side of the road? Her mother has been in the apple orchard all day, lying on the ground or just standing staring into the forest, and I know she is crying in deer-way. She is sleeping next to the apple tree, alongside the office window, now. So sad.

Things have happened this week, which have made me less enthusiastic about humans, on the whole.

I just needed to write about it all. On top of this, finances are tight this month, and if you happen to have an extra couple thousand dollars, lying about, just send it to my PayPal account: codekas. Now, that would be a miracle. True, money does not solve everything, however, I am depressed and you really do not want to read another blog like this one, until maybe, another 6 or 7 months down the road.

God-willing, the fraud ring will be stopped, somehow. The police officer told me a lot of folks are getting scammed by a group who emulates a PayPal email, telling you their payment from EBay to your PayPal account has been deposited. However, if you check closely, the senders' email address is: PayPal International.com. Totally bogus.

I need to balance out now. Time to meditate. Blessings, All.

Do No Harm

Good Afternoon, Friends.

Thank you for being who you are and grateful we are all on a journey of discovery together, in the cosmos. Do not be afraid today to say what you need to or be afraid to think the impossible is possible. It is. I know from my own experience, anything I desire from my heart is possible.

We forget that we have the power to create, and in that process we must face all fears we have to let go of because FEAR is only False Experience Appearing Real. It is all in the mind and does not come from a place of power and wisdom.

You have to let go of those things which are unsettling you and preventing you to march outside your front door, your hotel room door and know that the moment you do, you can create a new reality.

Reaching out with words of anger and vengeance to another on this planet will never give you the peace you are screaming for now. There is not a single being on this planet who does not want peace and sometimes we have to explore, to speak about those things that are not good for us or the planet. Many times our anger at having been fooled by another's selfish intentions block our ability to walk away.

We tend to pick up our armor and challenge another to examine a person, group or ideology which is not allowing others to be free. Many times, we overlook the fact that it is just a journey, just an experience which our souls needed in order to see what our soul really needs. There is no one on this planet who has the answer to your cosmic questions, and no one who can define for you the path you travel in order to discover the answer. It is up to you.

Yesterday I became angry with someone who wanted to impress their power over me. My natural response is to write an answer and unload my power into the dialogue which will show them they do not have my permission to control me. I am so aware of my freedom, so deliciously melded to the ideology of freedom.

As I thought about the email I composed, and emailed, I realized last night, around 2AM, lying in bed, that I should not have sent that email. I should have walked away from it, let it sit, and let the power of the universe work on re-balancing the energy between us.

The other thing that happened, was that I stirred up some anger, in a person, who read yesterday's blog, and he picked up the sword, and in his blog began to promote the people who presented the workshop, I discussed in my blog, because he is so intimately connected to this couple and ideology. So, we are dancing together in our subtle ways, now, and it is a lovely dance because I love him, as a human being, as creative voice of the universe.

When 2 humans engage in a battle, what is it they are fighting for in those moments? Freedom. Freedom from being entrapped in pain and not being recognized for the incredible human spirit they possess. We always are willing to fight for recognition, not realizing at times, we are always seeking recognition of our wisdom, contributions to the world, and love.

I am becoming more conscious that my ego is losing hold on my mind. The ego, as Eckhart Tolle says, is losing its hold on women more quickly than on men, now. If you want to know why my being is revolted by suppression, and love the word freedom, you need to read A New Earth, by Tolle.

There is an 8 minute video of Ekhart's which addresses a question: Have you ever regretted something you've said? http://bit.ly/4OvlxA 

Yes, I have and so have you however the teaching we give one another, in these blogs and emails, come from a space of needing to learn, to teach one another, and bring us to a new level of awareness. The first thing I realized when I was very young was that I had pain and negative emotions, and I could no longer pretend it did not exist. So, I left home when I was 14 and moved to Argentina, alone, without my family, and began my search for freedom and release from my own wild mind's fears and pain.

I began to see who I was without the confusion of other's pain-bodies around me, and started a journey of seeking which took me to the doors of healers, shamans, Buddhist monks, and those who had come to peace with the universe. I learned how my body reacted instinctively when my freedom was being challenged, and through that began to use my psychic and healing abilities, to help others. After a few years of teaching and working with those who needed my ability as a health regression intuitive, I stopped giving lectures and working with clients for a number of years.

To this day, I am reserved when I hug someone, as I can intuitively recognize where a physical issue is located, and can see what the initial thought was which began that pain, in this or a past life. It plays like a video in my head, and lasts a few seconds. One of the things I needed to learn was how to maintain my own energy and not let the other's affect mine.

The problem I have with this ability, which was evident to my grandmother when I was only 6, is I had a lack of awareness that many times people do not want to hear what I had to reveal about their issue. To look at another human, who I do not know well, and tell them that they need to go to a doctor and have their throat examined, because in a past life they were abused by their mother who locked them away, until they died, can seem unfathomable and frightening.

I have the same ability with animals and will do whatever I can to let someone know that their lovely housemate should be given another type of food or go to the vet. My gift is a blessing in many ways, for those who understand it, and yet, until I learned that in spite of my desire to heal other's, sometime it is not their time or not my responsibility to heal them. They have a path and a soul path which only they are responsible for now.

It was a hard path to understand that sometimes I need to be silent. Oh, and the email I sent last night, I found out this morning, it never went, as it got saved in the DRAFT folder, which I do not remember doing, proving once again, the universe works in perfect harmony, and who am I to question it but another soul, walking the planet, hoping we all have freedom to explore that which our souls require for the next step in the journey.

A few days of rest and horses in on my agenda as I head out of here now. Will be playing with big dogs and wonderful Tennessee Walkers, walking through my sister's forest to her secret pond.

Be well and to those who I have made think about things which could be possible, open your mind and do no harm.

Go To The Source

230PM-Listening to Ants Marching by DMB

I am waiting for the UPS angel to arrive with a magic delivery,  so I thought I would write about a Facebook conversation, I had with a friend of mine, today. 

I love Facebook, when friend's starts chatting with me.Isn't technology wonderful? To be able to communicate from my hilltop above the Puget Sound to a friend on a hillside in California, in a moment surprise? A type touch, so to speak.

When I was working on my degree in Mass Communications, I often wondered, why I had chosen that track. After running into a few great astrologers, the reason was clear, since I am a Virgo, with Mercury as the planet running through my heady life. Mercury is the planet of communications, so the degree choice was not so crazy.

I've spent a lot of time in the field of communications, working from lots of angles, both technological and planetary. Satellite communications, Software/Hardware copyright law, certifications in Microsoft platforms, Cisco Networks, XML development. What interested me was the sociology of mass comm, how and why groups communicate, the societal impacts of those communications, and how do you create them and keep them going, and control mass consciousness. 

Control mass consciousness, sounds very Hitler-esque, however, my question was how did that guy in Northern California ever get tens of millions of people to buy his pet rocks? Do you have a bumper sticker on your car? Do you  have one of the Jack-in-the-Box bobble heads on your antenna? Why do you watch Survivor, Dancing with the Stars, The Super-Bowl Half Time Bands, or American Idol?

How do you make money from them, how do you control the mass consciousness to watch your story, sing your song, and how do certain media angles and products allow me to get the biggest bang ,for my efforts, and  capture the most ratings in whatever media I am using. 

Mandala

I can design a survey, using certain sentence construction, visuals,and diagramming, to get anyone to agree, or at least remember me or my brand. Heady stuff.

The important thing, I learned, is how incredibly important personal contact is on an ongoing basis, despite access to media. Personal touch, personal interaction lead to important understandings about who I am and who you are, and are the most intriguing aspects of sociological communication research. How do we affect one another when we communicate?

My friend and her family are experiencing some challenging financial times, in their lives right now. A mass communication from the cosmos about human sustenance and what is really important to sustain us. We have had abundance, righteous and extravagant spending frenzies, lifestyles of the rich and over-fed ego icons for the past 50 years. 

Affluence, of such a degree contrasting against abysmal, world poverty, the dichotomy of the insane wastefulness against horrendous, global misery, finally, like the tower of Babel,fell. Affluent habits are torn apart, as universal consciousness re-balances the gross negligence of world greed, along with blocking the wastefulness and destruction, of all natural resources , to fulfill outrageous fantasy. Higher wisdom energy created by those who were strong enough now to say, 'enough waste!', began annihilating the imbalance, by re-balancing our use of what is on the earth,with "Just Enough"consciousness inspiring many of us, in order to survive. 

People are learning what "just enough" is to survive now. 

How many wished they had saved their abundance, so that they did not have to work so hard now to survive? 

How many wish they were not living in their cars, because they paid so much for a mortgage, as they wanted to be accepted by those in a higher caste? 

The family, I read about that had 18 big screen TV's for purchase at the bank auction of their home, I felt no sorrow for, as the wife stood next to her red Mercedes, and complained how difficult it was going to be not having her Range Rover, to carry her 3 poodles to the vet, anymore.

I just had to shake my head, staring at those 65" big screen monitors. 18 of them! I know many of you will say, 'well, if she could afford it, why not?'. How about because it is insane? 

Well, my friend and her family are creative, trying to figure out what to do next. They are seeking solutions to problems that are frightening, and exquisitely daring, which will enable the change for a family's lifestyle, becoming a great adventure, eventually. 

Like the Hebrews, leaving Egypt, packing up the sheep and goats, leaving behind the houses and jobs, and heading out to somewhere across the Red Sea and the desert, not knowing where they would end up, what they would do to provide for their families, but knowing it was time to go. Leaving was better than staying, in the fetid atmosphere of freedom-less lives. 

I noted excitement and yearning in her short, Facebook messages as she talked about moving to Europe, the Caribbean or Central America. I could feel the wheels moving in her life, that would be unlike anything they could have imagined, before the financial tremors crept into the day-to-day life of their past. 

I knew they would be well, and in their new creation, which they have total control over,and their new life will be more amazing than they can now imagine. I look forward to that future for them.

3PM -UPS is still not here-Listening to My First Kiss by 30H!3--

She asked if I could head down to San Francisco for Thanksgiving. Told her I did not know, since I am planning a big adventure over Christmas. It would be great to see everyone in SF, however, I am not so quick to jump on airplanes, right now. Sometimes it is just a knowing that my higher self is guiding me and saying, "hey, you will be doing something else then and,wait until the reason arrives". Do you know what I mean?

I just listen to my heart-It is always the best direction, in anticipation of my ephemeral, futuristic adventures coming up. 

Sectarian, myopic analysis sometimes is best left in the past, otherwise you will have no clean slate to write the next chapter of your life on. S

Sometimes the past is better left where it is, like not trying to resurrect an old, love relationship. Usually, returing to an old love still involves the same personal issues and personalities, only it takes a little bit longer for them to arise again. You did learn some lessons from the past, didn't you?

The same fears and inhibitions may not exist for you, yet, they could still be active in the other's paradigm. Sometimes the past memory includes the good stuff, until the bad stuff resurrects, its wafting odors, quietly, softly. You may have both changed, however, you fall into the old patterns ,of past dreams of the relationship, and you dream the old dreams together, until one of you wakes up and sees the truth. Most returns are to settle an unknown, or out of fear of the unknown future.

It is all communication, in different worlds, dreams and fears. It rarely survives between two people, as the resurrection morphs into the ascension before your eyes, and you begin to realize the end has come.

I sat behind a man with two ex-girlfriends, on either side of him, one weekend at a relationship workshop. I went because I wanted to hear men talk about what they were feeling about women and relationships. It was one of the those 'feel-good' workshops, where people, like myself, divulge experiences and understandings about their lives.

The workshop leaders, a couple, filled the room with goody-goody lectures about love and forgiveness, yet, they themselves were cold to some of the participants, when they were not on stage. The woman was very jealous of interactions of other women, with her mate, when off-stage, and also fearful of other women's power. 

It was evident to a few of us women, in the audience. There were people there with current loves and spouses, who had brought ex-loves and spouses to the event, so they could show how well they were able to overcome their issues and, now were the best of friends. There was something very sad about it all because whenever two ex's were talking about their old relationship, one of them was still hurting; one of them was pretending it did not hurt so much to have lost in love and be sitting next to the new partner for 2 days.

It was palatable in the air and throughout the hall. It was very heavy energy, and sad in many respects. 

I asked one man, after he and his ex-wife had spoke about how wonderful it was they had forgiven one another and now were friends, why they had divorced. He got so pissy with me. He said that she had cheated on him. I asked him if he wanted to get back together with her, and he said, "Never, I can never trust her again."

It is a statement which should have been added to their group reveal.  She was high on her current love affair and, I think, was cruel to ignore that her ex mistrusted her. How could you not know know he was still hurt and jealous? Oh, EGO! She was sitting there between 2 men who she had claim to. There was a lot of incongruent love-forgiveness babel from workshop leaders who, at the end of the workshop, declared that their teaching syllabus descended from the Landmark Forum. 

That pissed me off because Landmark from which est training was developed, by Werner Erhard(aka Jack Rosenberg), the founder of Landmark, which was the offshoot from Scientology's, L.Ron Hubbard., created huge international and national legal battles, IRS suits, and was banned from Germany. Erhard(Jack Rosenberg) was portrayed as a wife abuser and child rapist (incest with his daughter), during a CBS's, 60 Minutes show in the 70's. [March 3, 1991, Program#2325]

The daughter claimed that CBS offered her $2mm dollars to say he was abusive with he and her mother, which CBS denies. Large Group Awareness Training are/were workshops developed by Landmark, which were allegedly stolen from the Church of Scientology, and luckily for me, I had studied the Scientology and Landmark issues, after a personal experience, with a Scientology member, in Washington, D.C. Makes my skin crawl just thinking about the mind-verbal controls of both groups.

Hunter S. Thompson called est in Fear and Loathing, “a pricey, psycho-babbling series of long and demeaning behavior-modification sessions that preached the virtue of selfishness.” Pretty much says it. If you want to read a little on the topic, and why it makes me sick to think about being sucked into this 'feel-good' weekend, only to find out that these folks who "created" the workshop, based it on the Landmark/Erhard Warner/L.Ron Hubbard model, check out Tim Boucher's blog and walk around some of his links: http://bit.ly/bwkUs

The problem with Landmark and how it influenced the relationship workshop is both trainings alienate you from your emotions, and responsibility for your actions, just by the re-definition of language terms, which no one but those attending understand as they are assigned new definitions by the organization.

[In Landmark, they seem to focus on the idea that you create the meaning of events. They also go to great lengths to try to teach you that events are essentially meaningless in and of themselves.-Tim Boucher]

UPS, still not here-5:02PM-Listening to Little Lion Man by Mumford&Sons

So, this guy with 2 ex-girlfriends, on either side of him, is now dating one of the ex-girlfriends. Based on the excerpt above, their previous relationship and the fact that they didn't treat one another with respect, is meaningless, because not until they attended the seminar and  disemboweled the events of their relationship, all 3 began to believe that their actions were meaningless, and come up with an agreed upon meaning of what actually happened, making none of them culpable for cheating, and then create a false,goody-goody, I -feel-so-good-because -I- am- not- responsible-for- my- actions meaning, and  you can't blame me for anything mind-set. 

Scientology, est and Landmark has grabbed your mind, repelled your soul and humane ethics, and you start a new, blank slate with no responsibility for your actions, because  you get to ignore the past actions and meaning of events, and get to re-write your history by coming up with a false meaning of the  relationship events that you created. In other words you get a mental lobotomy, and no longer are resposible for the harm you have done. 

Maybe that is why the longest IRS lawsuit ever in the US was the IRS vs Church of Scientology. No respoibility because the meaning of why they did not pay taxes,  supercedes their action, of failure to file correctly. 

5:40PM-UPS-Not Yet Here.

I love surprises. Going to that workshop was a great experience and I shared a lot of my experiences, with perfect strangers who, like myself, had no idea that there was a reused, cult-ish paradigm operating through the energy of that room. Do I regret it? No, since I was reminded again how easy it is to fall into a somnolent state, dictated by feel-good hype and mind-set. In the end, it was a wonderful weekend and, happily, none of my ex-boyfriends were there. I relaxed and enjoyed the stories told and, watched how 2 people were able to contrive a communication incongruity, which failed to provide what the masses needed. It is rare you get to see a massive failure, in a communication environment, of a sociological paradigm. 

I waited a few weeks and contacted some of the people I met there to find out what they thought of it. Luckily, I was encouraged with my analysis, since they all said the same things:"something was missing" and they "felt uncomfortable about the fact that the workshop leaders were hiding something", or,they "were not being truthful about their relationship".

So what is the point to this blog today? Well, sometimes the medium is just a massage, and has a subtle message. In this case, it was a way for me to spend time analyzing some feelings about that workshop. It was also a way, for me, to wait for the UPS truck, which is not arriving today ,because there were weather issues between Kentucky and Seattle. S

So, instead of waiting for "IT" to arrive, do something to pass the time. It all is rewarding in the end, even though the cosmic X-factor is spinning around you. 

So, what did I learn today?


I should have gone to the source of the basis for the workshop, before I flew to LAX. I shall go exam the source of my desire to buy things, before I rush out and buy them. I shall go to the SOURCE, instead of blaming UPS for not arriving today, as the SOURCE controls the weather, and the SOURCE never hides the truth if you are willing to reach for it, even when it hurts. Once the pain is gone, the healing has already occurred.

7:54PM-1 DAY Air Letter to arrive Monday, 4 days late. 
Time to make some dinner and love my garden.
Listening to Vaporize by Broken Bells.

copyright 2010-Codekas

 

My Planets and Stars

You know it has been a good long time since some of the planets, that spin through my astro-world, have been exalted for me. Being a Virgo, I tend to pay attention when the folds of the universe contract or expand. Our lungs, hearts, skin, and even the pupils of our eyes are always contracting and expanding. Sometimes, the universe says that it is time for shifting, to the point of extinction, if the actions and thoughts of my being, no longer serve my Celtic, Cretan, and Merovingian Blood lines' motivations.

Profected Chart_Danise 9/9/2010-9/9/2011

Like a rainbow of galactic M&M's, this month the sky is showering variegated rainbows across the horizons  for me. I have a number of Exhalted positions in the stars, which astrologers love to talk about.

There is even a Final Significator in the chart, which has always been amazing to talk about over the years.

This year, going from month to month, many new things are expanding in my life, because so much star and planet energy is changing above me now.

The walls are coming down, as planets drift away from where they have been sitting, over my head, for the past 7 years, holding me in their movement and light, in order to influence me to understand more about my ideas and life.

I am feeling rather refreshed, and many of the planets will not be back into my chart for many decades, and, even then, they and I will be different, as the changes in me and, the time of planetary and asteroid movement, will be in different degrees and houses of the chart.

ADHARA is my favorite new astrological and astronomical touchstone to study, this week. Sirius is one of the brightest stars in the heavens and ADHARA is one of the other 2 stars, with Sirius, in the Canus Major constellation. My sweet Mercury, one of my major planets, went direct on 12 Sept. and Mars left my 2nd house on 14th Sept, so things are going well.Saturn and Uranus were battling it over my head since 2003, and Saturn left in July, and Uranus will be hitting the road in March. A lot of the challenges I have weathered in the past few years are completed and even Pluto will head direct on Nov. 14, which means my social life will be rocking again.

Saturn has been in my second house for the past couple years, and it only happens 2 or 3 times in a lifetime, and it is moving on now. The last time for my lifetime. To say I am happy about what is occurring overhead would be subtle. I am so happy things are moving out of my orbit now as the past is done, lessons learned and new energy to support my current life and enjoy new projects is here.

Power is being restored and the unveiling of shadows is happening now.New energy waves are lifting my spirit, formulating new ideas and dreams to be realized. My psychic collective well is full and when Venus hits me on 28th October, a remaking of a new persona begins as it provides options to emerge from the shell, like a Botticelli Venus.

I know many of you do not believe in astrology, and that is your thing. But take a close look around November 2, when Pandora's Box opens, in the sky, and all the monsters of the past, all the shadows are exposed since it is the end of a major cosmic cycle of a T-Square of planets. Remember, though, the reasons Pandora opened the box, and allowed all the monsters of the past to fly out, was because at the bottom of the box was the Winged Angel of Hope, and that is a very wonderful thing to release into the world.

I am the Queen of Pentacles, in the Tarot. My mythic astrologer, Steve Nelson, had me pull the cards for every month of my birth day natal chart. So the 1st month, began on 9/9, and goes around the astro houses for 11 months, which tells me what type of energy is running overhead, based on my natal chart, progressed chart and my Profected chart. Lots of good information from Steve, since he is such a master of the charts and skies above, in this 11th house year of my life.It means that I will be formulating ideas to be realized, and drawing from the psychological, collective well and remaking my persona, with the new inter-relationships with people. In other words, my 2 books are getting done. The energy and wisdom and ideas are there for their completion now, this year.

I could not understand why I felt like I was in Limbo, these past few months. Now, looking at what was going on this past year, which was a re-alignment with my deeper self, and removing all the fear and blinders needed to complete these books, it all makes sense. I think of it as a psychological and spiritual vacation, across new ideas which could not crystallize, until the old stuff evaporated, or morphed, into that which it was trying to produce. Deep thought, meditation and release of old ways had to happen before the understanding of the information needed for this book could be written down, benefiting those who will read the books.

Having this energy sent me on a path of not one, but two manuscripts, one fiction, the other non, which now I see perfectly coalesce into one, lyrical movement. I could not write a book about male energy, without understanding the energy of our past, female patterns. Keep an eye on Nov. 2, and let's see what is released by mass consciousness, into the universe, and what thoughts change in you, by Nov. 3rd. Anyway, this is just a rambling about my astrology chart, which will never be clear to you, since I did not reveal all. However, although we walk on earth, we are spinning across the universe at about 22,000 mph. Hold on, then let go and enjoy the dance among the planets, asteroids and constellations of your world.

You might want to contact Steve Nelson in North Carolina. He is an incredible mythic interpreter of life's movements, through the cosmic heavenly dance we are all attending now. You can call him at (704)-375-3759 EST.

San Bruno Disaster - Check Your Gas Lines

Well, another gas line infrastructure, constructed in the 1940's, exploded last night, around 6PM in San Bruno, CA., just 12 miles south of San Fran, and across from SFO. I know the area, since I had friends there, when I lived in North Beach. Convenient run to Silicon Valley from there, and an easy 20 minute commute into SF.

Here's a video of it: http://bit.ly/cQPbBg

Watching the homes and trees burn and burn last night, as it was impossible to turn off  the main gas lines, with 56 houses exploded and another 125 burning, along with cars, and probably bodies still inside, I wondered about my own gas lines running to this house.

How long ago were they originally built and when was the last time I had a Utilities Inspector, from Puget Sound Energy,  out to check my furnace and connections? Never.

A friend sent me a home video, made of the start of the fire, from about 3 blocks away, and up the hill from it. On the video they were talking about the natural gas smell, that some residents had been complaining about for 3 (THREE) weeks, prior to tonight.

Seems a number of folks in the area had complained to the gas company, and the techs who came out to inspect told them to close their windows and keep their garage doors closed. Huh?

Leaking gas in a neighborhood for 3 weeks, and that is the advice they give?

Hmm, what a dangerous and stupid line to take, as I watched the fiery inferno tonight.

One man said he was at the gas station, about 3 blocks away, and the blast was so powerful, the heat from it burned his face, inside his car, and his body felt as if it was about to melt. He raced toward the explosion, as his sister was at a home nearby, and 3 women were running down the street with smoke and flesh falling off their bodies.

He got his sister, put the women in the car and raced to the fire station, for a medic. Then he went back to the neighborhood, as more houses exploded, to help other people who were wandering the street in shock, some with broken arms, faces burned, flesh on fire.

Pandemonium continued as 56 houses imploded from the super fire, of the massive gas line explosions. Explosions--not one, but a number of explosions, could be heard during the night.

Later this morning, if the gas has been burned off, if they can get the gas lines shut down, the rescue teams may be able to enter the homes which hold the dead. I doubt it, since the gas smell was in the air, 2 miles away, tonight. People were telling about how they were knocked to the floor, in shops and home, nearby, when the first explosion blew apart the homes around it.

I am sad that this happened on my birthday. I am happy, though, I did not fly into San Francisco, today. I wanted to go there to celebrate, however, it just didn't feel right. My thanks went up to the big guy upstairs that my sister and nephew returned from SF, last week, after a few days of mother-son bonding before he returns to college.

So, be grateful you are safe, and if you have gas coming into your home, call the gas company and have them take a sniff around, check the lines, and give you peace of mind, because we will be turning it on, as soon as the thermometer gets down into the 50's,  soon.

If you have some extra money, donate a few dollars,  if there is a fund set up, to help all these people, who are living in shelters, or donate it to the Red Cross, and if you are one of my dear friends down there, and you TYPE-O blood, then donate because they are asking for it now. So you know there is going to be a lot of hurt and maimed people.

All schools are cancelled in San Bruno for tomorrow, there is no electricity, no phones, computers, cars, since people ran with the clothes on their backs, as the fire spread and spread.

For those of you who are animal lovers, and many of those pets are now incinerated, the ones that survived have been offered free room and board and food at Petco in San Bruno. So, I will applaud that company for their kindness.

May your day be peaceful and pray for those who died, and those who have lost all they had in a moment. It is another example to be grateful for all that you have and make sure you are on the right path, as sometimes tomorrow does not arrive.

In Lakech and Namaste!

There Are Good People Out There

I was sitting in the woods today, feeling sorry for myself. Why? Because it is my birthday and at one point the feeling of wanting to do more, be more, arose, and I began to feel maudlin.

The frightening feelings began to arise and the need to cry and weep began to touch my eyelids. What have I missed in life? What have I failed to accomplish?

The idea that I should be more than I am now, with more stuff, more friends, more money assaulted my fragile heart, and I began to mesh anger and frustration with the unassailable hopelessness, that arose, that this was as far as I could go now.

I love my birth day. The day I came to earth, through my mother, who is a kind-hearted, generous, woman to her children and friends. She has outlived two husbands and counts among her blessing 4 healthy children, still living, and now 2 great-grandchildren who will outlive her, perhaps.

I have always taken off an entire week to celebrate my birth. This year it is the same, however, today, there is something unusual in my consciousness. There is sadness and hopelessness and a feeling that as I age, those things that are most desired by my heart may never come into fruition. So I sat with those feelings, today, in the woods. I sat with the sadness for a long time.

When I got back to the house, I opened up my emails. I waited about an hour, since the heaviness in my heart made it even to hard to communicate with others, let alone read about other's magnificent lives. I wanted to be morose and wanted to swim in the effusive negativity my ego had delivered in the woods.

It was one of those times when no one can touch your heart to remedy the situation, and there is even a protectiveness that arises in which I did not want anyone to help me up from the floor of the forest to see the sunlight.

I read some emails and wrote back to a friend who sent birthday wishes, however, I am sure my lackadaisical recounts of what the day looked like, will alert her to the ludicrous energy which I allowed to overtake me on my birthday meditation in the woods.

Then I moved over to a blog written by a man who is a well known performer. He writes well and has his ups and downs, like the rest of us. Some days are good ones, and those that are not so good, his understanding and acceptance of them resonates with how I respond to my adventures, after a good ponder.

His words were perfection in addressing my less-than-happy attitude, and not only that, did away with the belief that there were things I could not accomplish, or had not accomplished. He uplifted me from the seat of austere desolation and brought me back to center. My natural and balanced outlook on life returned, and I was grateful for this man who walks the earth, entertaining the world, and those who, like himself, need a buoyant release from our discontented egos, insecurities, lack of faith, and momentary unhappiness.

I once had the pleasure of meeting him and guests who were there in Long Beach, with us, took a picture of us together. I scrambled around to find it today, to remember a momentary meeting with a man who, in spite of the walls, mounted against his success, has succeeded and along with that success, still manages to remember how important we all are to one another, and for that we will always be able to know that when times are morose, there are still good people out there. Thank you, JM.

New Times, Ancient Places

Seems that the day has taken on a whole new energy, now that my birthday looms, tomorrow, September 9. One thing that I love about my birth-daze is that the energy of the day inspires me, especially at 5:35pm, my birth time on the East Coast.

Today is the first day of good Fall rains, above the Puget Sound. Cool weather, grass green again, squirrels gathering for a snowy winter, as predicted by me. I harvested about 120 lbs. of apples, with more trees about to yield  organic, sweet apples, and pear trees are dropping their bounty, too. The plums are holding out for a few more weeks. The deer and rabbits are enjoying apple fiestas, and a new baby deer, arrived with his parents, this afternoon, for a late lunch.

In honor of my birthday, I have decided a combined birthday and Christmas/New Year's present was due. So, I am heading to the Villas Arqueologicas in Chichen Itza and Coba for a few weeks beginning the week of December 19th. Oh, yah!

It is time to meet Mayan teachers, again,  so I have buckled to my soul's call, to head back into the wild Mayan jungle world. I shall be standing on the pyramid, at Chichen Itza, for the Winter Solstice, enjoying the moment in time, with others, as the heavens move into alignment, for the renewal of energies and planets. Afterwards, I will dine at my lovely hotel, with new friends, should we discover one another.  

The training I received in the interpretation of the Mayan Calendar and Glyphs, 10 years ago, involved a serious effort on my part to understand what the return of Quetzalcoatl, in December 2012, will signify, and the significance of the Mayan 7th world ending as the 8th begins a new cosmic energy pattern. The information assimilated into my own life's processions and directions, eventfully. 

I am looking forward to swimming in the cenotes, in the areas around Chichen Itza and Coba, and look forward to meeting the elders, one of whom is an incredible curandero (healer), and another, who will, interpret my astrological chart, according to the Mayan system, with a translator.

 

The visit to Coba, which is the least explored and excavated sites in Maya land, is significant as being home to the oldest recorded Mayan date on a Stela (carved stone). The date is around 600AD.

The site also contains information which allowed decoding of  the Mayan calendar and its secrets. The counting of the cycles begins at 14-16 million years.

The cycles are based on an evolutionary creation which took place 16,861,000,000 years ago.  The year 2012 represents the end of the 7th cycle and beginning of the 8th, which takes us from the planetary to the galactic cycle. There are nine cycles.

Coba is also home to the only Mayan pyramid with rounded corners.

Nohoch Mul is the tallest pyramid in the Yucatan peninsula. It is 12 stories tall and has 120 steps to the top.

 

 

 

During the ascent, of the 120 steps, I will go through the 13 levels of heaven, in accordance with Mayan myths.The Coba archaeological zone has many buildings still covered by jungle, and Coba is over 80 sq. miles with 5 lakes. 

But from the top, of the pyramid, you can view a magnificent span of jungle with the tops of other ruins reaching above the jungle canopy.

The roads built from Coba throughout the Mayan empire, still exist. I wonder if I should bring a bag of bread crumbs to find my way home.

So happy travels to all my friends, and remember how wonderful are the adventures, we have available to us, on this planet.

Paris Hilton and the End of VIP Law

I read the charges, in the court document, of Las Vegas vs. Paris Hilton to find out what the true story was about her arrest, last weekend. Curious about what the media manipulation was doing with information it was feeding the public. One of the claims is that the correct arrest procedure was not done and that it was her ticket out of the felony drug charges.
Interesting that the news media had not read the arresting officers' information in the court documents, for if they had, they would know that Las Vegas Police followed correct procedure, even though they had a VIP on their hands. Had they not been so accommodating, in agreeing to allow her to go to the bathroom to put some lip gloss on, agreed to get her off the street, at her request, because the big bad crowds were frightening her, she could have gotten off home-free, without her cocaine stash and Zippy marijuana roller papers, falling out of her purse, into the hands of the police officer, when he told her to open her bag and remove the lip gloss. She screwed up and she was probably so stoned, and probably had a few drinks, like her drunk boyfriend, she spilled the coke out into his hands. Ha! Karma is a bitch.
After seeing pictures of her Chanel purse, on her arm in France, and her Twitter comments about how excited she was about her new purse, purchased in July, in France, I realized that she was just another celebrity, lying through her teeth, to save her butt from a one to four year jail term.
One thing about Las Vegas, the city fathers like to keep it clean and safe for all of us, who visit once in a while, so we keep coming back.
I saw the size of the little purse, and there was no way she could have missed the coke pack, when she took it that night, since there is no way you could miss anything in that purse. And really, she did not miss it, since she said she thought it was gum.
Thought it was gum? A powdery, white substance? Wonder if she thought if she got into the bathroom, without a police matron escort, she could throw it away? Ha! I loved reading the arresting police officer's report as it clearly showed she was treated respectfully, and beyond the norm that would be allowed for anyone else, except a VIP. 2 standards in arrest procedure are in effect, it seems, in many places around the US. Except, maybe in Mariposa County, Arizona. There the American ideology of, equal treatment under the law, applies to all citizens, and non-citizens alike.
The drug-using VIP's, I consider somewhat worthless individuals, now. At one time there was a certain cachet about their privileged lives. Now, not so much, and more than likely that comes from the 2 standards of punishment assigned for crimes to the VIP herd. Seeing the impoverished enter prison for a couple years, over the same type of crime that Paris Hilton committed, makes my blood boil now. Hopefully, they will send her to prison for a year or two, without being placed in a special, Barbie-type accommodation.
After having spent a few years of my life working in the legal field, I have never gotten over what a Prosecutor has to give up for a Defendant, when the money is stacked against him, even though the Prosecutor and the Defense Attorney both know the accused is lying through her teeth. Paris is guilty.
I declare it, without hesitation, and the idea of innocent until proven guilty has escaped me for the moment, as I listen to the whine of a woman who is doing drugs, been caught or held a few times, in the past few months, and has absolutely no desire to stop her drug use, and feels she is above the law. If one is above the law, then innocent until proven guilt cannot be used as a defense in arguing that people do not have the right to think otherwise.
Of course, Paris will end up in a $30,000 a-month rehab house with Lindsey Lohan, where they can discuss their next reality TV series, and make a few more million dollars on the photo ops.
I really hope that the legal system, and good cops, who do a fine job keeping drunks, like her boyfriend, and drug users, like Paris Hilton, off the streets and out of nice hotels, like the Wynn-Las Vegas, do a great job in getting them off the streets for a while.
Kudos to the police officers and handling the situation in a humane and upright way. Book 'em, Dano!

Fall Excitement

As I sit here, in the cool Monday morning winds of Puget Sound, I feel FALL arrive, slowly. The nights are in the low 50's and tonight it will descend to high 40's. I love Fall, as I am a September 9 baby. Sometimes I think about my mother, in her pregnant, Danise-state, walking next to the Susquehanna River, that summer, awaiting my arrival. 

Susquehanna River

My old, Pennsylvania home is like a compound, as grandparents, aunt and uncles' homes all sit above the river, and behind us is my grandparent's, 400 acre mountain. Every summer, those from afar, gather in their summer homes, as we jump off the dock and water-ski across the river.Some paddling canoes, at morning, to the island, where my father and his cousins  put up the giant rope, that swings out, above the river, jumping and dumping us into the cool waters. I could not get back for our July 4 celebration this year, but next year is on the agenda.

White Pines on the Mountain

It was where, one fine frozen winter, I went over a 50 foot high cliff on a tobaggon, after Eddie S. and my brother, convinced me, to let them give me a Big push, down the side of the mountain. I lost control of the ropes, and flew off across the cliff, airborne, amazed to land in a soft pile of 3 foot snow, on the mountain road below. 

Pure excitement broke from my lungs, as I landed, excited that I had gone off the cliff, landed safely and all my friends above stood with mouths open, and none could claim such an adventure.

It was a great story for a few days, around dinner tables, where parent and relatives' lectures abounded with, "You should be more careful", or "how could you do that to your sister?". Fun was the operative word and no broken bones for the Academy Award of tobogganing.  Perhaps, that is where my fearlessness comes from, whenever I travel around the world. That moment of going over the cliff, led me to believe I would also be taken care of by the great snow-God above, anytime, anywhere.

Copyright 2010 Codekas

My home now is next to a 40 acre mountain, which sits 200 feet above the Puget Sound.  I realize why I like it so much, as it is part of a memory, from a childhood spent roaming the mountains and waters of Pennsylvania.

I know a lot of people don't like to remember their childhood. Bad memories or sad ones are connected to them. Somehow, we all need to find our little piece of heaven on earth. Sometimes, we do. 

I have found a few places to love. Some big cities and some small, like Kaapa, Kauai;

Santa Fe, NM; Oceanside,Ca.; and Eze, France. Someday, I may return to live in Hawaii, as that is where I was living, before I came back to the mainland,to visit my parents and attend my sister's wedding in Seattle. Mount Rainier was shining and the Puget Sound was sparkling, and the trees and mountains reminded me of my Northeastern birth place. 

My Puget Sound View from the House

It felt like home. Wherever you live, be grateful. You have a roof over your head, warmth in the winter, flowers in the summer. Feng-Shui is the Art of Placement and if you have never studied it, you should. It will help align the energies of your apartment, office or home, to what is the most abundant and energetic for you and your family.

Today, I will spend the day divesting myself of old, unused or frivolous objects, accumulated over the past few years. Some of those things, may be hard to release. However, I am assured, by universal principles, that all that I need will be provided me, as long as I am on my path, and pursuing my soul's purpose on earth. Not that, I always do that, as Virgo's, like myself, get distracted easily by miraculous views and enticing subjects, or spend hours reading through old manuscripts.

I am a researcher, if not a writer, and delve into the depths of those things that interest me. Some of those interests take me around the globe, like when I embarked on the quest for Marian spiritual centers, in the Mediterranean, one year. Another interest was gurus in India, and that interest led to a 4 year pursuit, delving into the basics of Eastern spirituality and beliefs, with months spent in India, Thailand and Malaysia.

Today, I await my brother, who decided to return to the East Coast, to visit family there, and looking forward to hearing, about his adventures, from his 2 drives across the country. I am sure, his views on what he saw, in towns and countrysides, will enhance my understanding of what we, as a nation, are experiencing as we let go of precious homes and objects in order to sustain our lives. 

Closed stores, abandoned homes and farms abound, he will reveal as he drives through Virginia, Indiana, Missouri, Nebraska, Wyoming, and Idaho. Like Robinson Crusoe, he will have tales to tell and challenges along the way. Even, thoughts of turning back, to Williamsburg, at one point, when his truck and trailer encountered a breakdown, somewhere in Missouri. That question, we all ask ourselves, when faced with a change of plans, or our dreams, "shall I continue or is this a sign to stop and go back?" 

Copyright 2010 Codekas

At that point, it is time to sit down and ask yourself what is the purpose of this adventure? What is it I am here to learn? Why do I need to be here, doing this? Why must I continue on? What I am running back to? 

Find that place to sit down, breath, and smile into the day. 

It is not the destination, as we all know, it is the adventure which completes us. Some of us are on the path to find love, some of us are running from it. Some of us hope to find an answer to what we should be doing with our lives, and all of us are seeking peace. 

One day, I came upon this wonderful sculpture, walking the Canyon Road in Santa Fe. I had traveled from Seattle to San Francisco for Christmas and then went out to the Southwest to enjoy New Year's with friends. 

Copyright 2010 Codekas

I had ended a relationship, in my head, about a man,  who had not been very interested in pursuing, any relationships.Gazing upon this horse, into the sky, and breathing that wonderful, crisp mountain air, realized I had not been very much into a relationship, either.It would have been a step back into the past, with someone familiar, comfortable, to me. We do that sometimes. 

Return to old patterns, old loves, because that which we really need, we are afraid to pursue, as they are scary, dangerous to self-worth, and what if that which we find, we really want, does not want us? 

What if they live too far away? What if it could be dangerous because we have been pursued because of our beauty, wealth, position? What if they are the passion which excites our soul? 

That one person, from the moment we looked in their eyes, knew that the wonders of the universe were there for the taking, and in taking  we could be lost forever to our old selves, and the safety in the past?Sad, how many walk away from passion and the soul's knowledge, that this is the One. Sad.

I was looking for something, that was more powerful than a man-woman relationship. I was looking for peace with my life, and realized, my life had to find its way back, into daily actions, from the core of my being. My writing and my photography sustain that now, and if it had not been for that crazy jump, into trying to find someone to fill the loneliness,  I could have found balance; we could have remained friends. The power of the horse, the freedom and magnificence of its nature, reminded me of mine. The release of the confusion and anger took place, in that moment, as I sat and gazed at this forceful, commanding work of art. 

I am about to take another trip, into the desert, soon. A place of great power and mystery. A place, that I really do not enjoy, because of the heat of the day. 

It will be somewhere to enjoy the mysteries, of secret power on earth. I will meet new humans, along the way. Be challenged with all types of bodily requirements, and listen to music, see vistas, new food and art along the way. 

Sometimes, we place ourselves in environments, unlike our perfect ones, at home, in order to fulfill a need of the heart, or find answers to questions that spiral the same paths, through our brains, over and over again.

It takes a massive amount of energy to release old patterns, to release beliefs about ourselves that are not serving our higher selves. I push myself away from the safety belts in order to find that piece, of my personal puzzle, which no one else holds. 

Sometimes, I need to go into the desert or walk outside in a rainstorm. It is worse to wonder, quietly in a house, knowing the urge to the quest is being suppressed out of fear, for me. There is only so much time I have in my life. So much time to experience the wonders my soul drives me toward.

Do something different this week, without analysis. Do it only because you thought of doing it, without fear present at the moment you desired it. Erase every thought of hesitation and analysis that arose after your little heart said, let's do this now. 

You are only as strong as your next adventure; 

you become your true self in doing those things 

in which you stop listening to your old, fearful self.

What Does It All Mean?

There seems to be an energy around us all now that prevents the body and the mind from reaching into the darkness without hesitating, as if there was something frightening that could attack all that we are trying to hold onto in our lives. I begin to hesitate when I look around me and see the wonders and abundance that is in my life, since I have lost it all, at one time in my life. Other times, I gave it all away as I headed off to a new place on the planet, like when I moved to D.C., or Hawaii, Santa Barbara, or Washington State.

One time, all my precious goods were destroyed, inside a storage facility in San Francisco, and to this day, years later, there are a few things I remember, that wishes cannot return. A lot of my notebooks, with stories and diaries were there, which represented about 20 years of my life. All gone, all destroyed. Suffering through that loss, of things, of memories, froze my life for about 2 months. Anger arose in the middle of nights, as I remembered treasures lost.

The things, we own, we hold onto, we expect to be there in our homes when we return to our driveways, balance the daily confusion and work we do outside our homes. The things, the plants, the dining room table, are our ballasts against rocky human interactions and frightening futures we create out of nothingness, which are born in those moments of knowing that we are not all-powerful or eternal.

Today, I am walking though a fearful moment which I drew to me for a learning experience. Yet, here I sit, able to do that which I love to do the most: my work, my writing. Somewhere in my past, there was debilitating injuries, life-threatening illnesses, and from them the understanding that health was the most important of all the gifts of the universe, as without it, nothing else could be enjoyed. Not love, not work, not even reading. To be able to walk without pain, as I do now, years after a head on car accident, is a miracle. To be cancer free, 11 years after it waltzed across my life horizon, is also gratefully enjoyed and respected, for what it was: a lesson, an opportunity, a check-in to present time and reality.

Love now, that revolves in me and around me, no matter how I feel or what situation I am entertaining in life. I know who loves me, and am able to love them. I will say, though, even during pain and illness, sometimes thinking about those you love, takes a back seat to pain, prescriptions and nuclear radiology labs.

What is the touchstone? What is it that brings you into a realistic understanding of who you are, and what it is that you should be grateful for, in the days and nights of your life?

People I remember, who made changes in their lives, as I changed mine through theirs are memorable. An elderly woman on a train from Frankfurt to London, who had a nose bleed, as I sat across from her in our compartment, comes to mind. She did not talk to me when I entered and sat across from her. A smile, a head bow to acknowledge my presence was all that took place. Then a few minutes later, blood poured out of her nose, and she became frightened.

I grabbed my tissues from the backpack, and then sat next to her, placing her head back to stop the flow. She shaking, afraid, as I gave her tissues and then water once it stopped. I helped her clean her jacket, and she speaking in German and me, with my English, sat there together, holding hands, as she had become cold, and shaking, across the German landscape of cows and mountains.

Many people helped me, in my travels around the world. People I will never see again, but where there when I needed an angel, or directions. People who went out of their way, gave their time and energy, when I had none, when I was frightened. It all balances out in the end, I think.

The people who gave me their time and advice, like the Dalai Lama, Mother Theresa, Don Miguel Ruiz, Lama Tharchin, and, even, Roger Daltry. People who looked at me and realized another human was there to ask questions, or needed a little encouragement, even though, sometimes, the advice was unasked. The advice, spectacularly profound, whipping me from my daily thoughts, to the knowledge I am worthy, to be here, on this planet.

Men I married, divorced, dated and ended relationships with all had something to teach me, as I taught them, in the whirls of consciousness. Men who where trying to understand themselves and the life they were in, which included me, for a short time. We were all trying to find the answer to what does IT all mean.

Sometimes, there is no answer. Sometimes you meet people, spend time with them, understand yourself better, or simply walk away confused about their actions, your needs. Sometimes there is no answer at the time it all ends or begins. Usually, it was just the next indicated thing the relationship was directing you to as your path converged from theirs.

The one thing I have learned is that until I have fully grieved something, can I let it go completely. There is no time on this one. It is personal for each of us. No timeline lets you know when it is time to end the grief, anger, fear. It happens, though. Eventually, the grief stops and the limbo period begins while the heart and mind suspend action, slowly revolving toward the next indicated thing.

Marianne Williamson said that, "every situation is just a corner of an infinite universe. No corner is really so good or so bad, as it is simply a place the soul is in need of experiencing now. Whatever it is, it will not last. Whatever it is, it is leading to something better. And whatever it is, it is something perfect."

So, my perfect universe which I walk through every day has no answers for me. It is because I am able to play in an infinite universe, where all is possible. I am grateful it will not last, since the new experience will be even more revealing, deeper, clearer, as my soul injects the experience with its needs for my life. There is something larger than me, as I look at the sun and moon and the abundance of life on this planet. I am just part of it and because of my part in it, it exists for all of us.

What does it all mean? I cannot answer for you. Only your actions will tell you when you are happy, when you have screwed up, when you have left behind the fear, the past, the attachments, which no longer are necessary for the next part of your journey.

We are all related already, says Williamson, in her book, Everyday Grace, and with every human encounter we get a chance to re-create our world. I would have to add that with every human, animal, and mountaintop I stand on, I have a chance to re-create my world.

A friend of mine has always said that her current relationship with her boyfriend, is incredible, because he lets her be herself. Free is her favorite ideal. She is free to be herself with him. I asked her once if she had changed because of him, and she said, No. She was still herself, and did not have to change at all. She could do whatever she wanted and he did not influence her into changing.

I have thought about this for a while now. I think she is missing something. She is more fearful of changing because of him. She believes that if she does, she loses something of herself in the changing. I think she would become something grander, if she allowed him to change her. It is a matter of trust. It is not a matter of loss of freedom. She is not free with him. Two together, meld into one, and become a testament to true love and faith, in the relationship. I do not think he is the passionate, love of her life. Once she finds that man, who she allows to touch her soul, drop her fears of loss of her freedom, she will be content.

Strange, so strange to see an old mirror image of myself, in her life. They keep bumping into one another. They were together a few years ago, broke up, and now are back together. Something was not learned, in the past, and now they are both pretending it is perfect again. He sits and waits for her to come to him, ready to change, give up some of the freedom she claims is so precious. He is slowly becoming a ghost of what he could be, but is fearful of the next woman.

The woman who will give up her freedom, to be completely one with him, is what he desires, but is fearful she will never arrive in his lifetime. He does not have to change for her either. It is like watching the stallion and mare, separated by the fence. The fence of freedom, which neither of them can break down, because they are not meant to be together, forever. Their souls are simply trying to teach them that freedom is not the point. Love, is the lesson, and once they let go, walk away from one another, then they will find the deepest, richest love they have desired, always. But the lessons of the soul, take time.

What does it all mean? I don't know right now. I do know if we stop searching for the answer, we will never be content, be loved, be brave. Sometimes the only thing it all means is in understanding our fears, we are able to walk away knowing, hoping, the next indicated thing brings joy and unimaginable love. Freedom to be who we are without fear of being changed. It is the changes that answer the question, What Does IT all mean.