Enchanting and Surprising

“True love cannot be found where it does not exist, nor can it be denied where it does.” Torquato Tasso

Today has been spent surprised by visitations from family; and, research into my past, that resurrected itself, without warning.

So I guess it was a great day. Always interesting when the past resurrects a topic or person who influenced your mind, and changed your life, as Michel Foucault did mine when I met him at Berkeley in 1980, in the main library, one afternoon. For the next few years, had the pleasure of getting to know him, talking about our travels, and how views and ideology can change, just being in a new location on the planet.

I also sat in on a few of his philosophy seminars in the Fall of  1983. He loved Berkeley, lived in SF, and probably would have spent more years at Berkeley, than in Paris, for a time,  had he not died from AIDS in 1984.

I remember when he lectured in Zellerback Hall and thousands crammed in, while police blocked off paths, pushed people off steps and away from walkways, until people started yelling and screaming to get to Wheeler Hall, where video screens transmitted the lecture, for another 1000 admirers and critics, of one of the world's greatest living, postmodernism philosophers.

Yes, it was a very good day, since I also had the pleasure of taking my brother and niece to one of my favorite Mexican Restaurants, where I enjoyed the Mexican Pizza, which is one of the great gifts brought to America, by the zany Ixtapa owners .

I also learned how to fill a kerosene heater with a bulb pump, removed a shattered light bulb from a rusted socket, in my antiquarian bathroom, and found out that you can store a 5 gallon kerosene can, safely, without blowing up the house. I also learned that possums do not like coleslaw. So all in all, a satisfying day. I also need to buy long-nosed pliers.

Working on my manuscript, I read Francois Lauruelle's article, The Truth According to Hermes: Theorems on the Secret and Communication, which led me back to Torquato Tasso, who was one of the greatest Renaissance poets, and almost became the king of poets, of Italy, had he not died a few months before the Pope was going to honor him.

I think the hardest thing about writing a book is the research, and not because the research is difficult. It is because, like today, while researching I meandered in many different directions, across the Internet, as I tried to work through another chapter on this book I am writing about men, which includes insights on ethics, relationships and mythology. So, the Internet playground seduced me away,propelled me into the past, and I ended back where I started, with a lot more packages of info to unload from my mind, then finally arrived, staring at the last period, of the last sentence in the manuscript, and wrote a few more pages.

Taking in all this information today will propel me into something new tomorrow or maybe next week, when I am at Berkeley again. Strolling around campus, which should be quiet, over the Thanksgiving break, memories will arise, and maybe the Bears Lair will be open, and I can sit and have glass of something, while I remember the first time I saw the Talking Heads (remember them?) playing in the square, while the old, blond, naked lady danced while the Japanese Tour Bus occupants watched and photographed her, and David Bryne and Chris Franz went crazy, taking us to the river and burning down the house.

I want to be somewhere warm tonight. Somewhere in a jungle, listening to the sounds of the crickets, yowls of large cats, and monkey yelps. Smelling the air that holds the scents of jungle flowers and soft, damp earth. Something erotic about the jungle at night. It felt that way sometimes, when I was in Kauai last January, lying on the grass, looking at the stars from atop a mountain above Kapaa.

I love the Amazon jungle outside of Quito, Ecuador and Iguaçu Falls, Argentine side. I remember the red dirt at Iguaçu and the dense, heaviness of the air, during the days. The mind slows and the senses sharpen when you are in a jungle. You are aware you are an animal, and there are more dangerous ones around you, watching you, that you never see.

You become aware of limitations, as a human, watching animals jump from vines to trees, and aware of snakes slithering around palm trunks,  50 feet in the air, and incredibly large insects, sitting on leaves which you don't notice until you are upon them, or they jump on the back of your shirt.

I would return to the friends' home, or hotel, in these places, and enjoy the outdoor, sun-warmed shower, sit on the patio, sipping large glasses of cool drinks, as my adrenaline normalized from being on alert walking through pristine, primordial splendor.

One day I would like to go with a man into the jungle and walk with him, like Eve did with Adam. Lay with him on a bed, white sheets, windows open, listening to those sounds which connect you to the earth and its powers. Your brain slows in the jungle, and your think differently, a cadence arises which pulses through your body unlike other places on earth. A slow, evanescent cadence which culminates in soft, sweet slumber.

I can taste the fresh guava juice and the papaya pieces, nibbled, on a porch ,in the Ecuadorian jungle, while a woman hummed to the sky, and remember watching a man and woman walk slowly toward me, past me, into the house, and the door closing to their bedroom. What mysteries did that night hold for them? Sweetness and love and passion, I hope. They were in their 80's and married a few weeks before we met in the jungle paradise. I think of the quote by Gibran, below, and realize how wonderfully the universe provides astonishing surprises and love for us all.

“It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations”

I had a good today, filled with memories, teachings and wonderful food and conversations. I was creative, energized, kind and thoughtful to those who spent time with me. San Francisco, next week, will be unlike any trip I have taken there before. I do not know why I feel that, this morning, at 3am. Something is arising in my orbit about this trip, and like a walk through the jungle, I am aware it is hovering around me, cannot see it, yet know it is there.

Like Tasso's quote below, a piece of my soul that I never knew was missing, will be given to me and I can not tell you how. There are two things about life that I love. It is enchanting and surprising.

“Love is when he gives you a piece of your soul, that you never knew was missing.”Torquato Tasso quote

Want to Dance

Woke up this morning, dancing. The I-Pod kicked in around 8 and there was Journey belting out, Worlds Apart. Threw off the blankets and jumped into the living room and spent a half hour dancing through the house. Doing the thing I love, almost as much as being in bed, with an attentive lover, began remembrances of  nights spent dancing around the planet.

The I-Beam in SF was a fine dancing ground for doing whatever you felt like, in whatever form you chose, as music blared, lights voluted, whirled and helixed across ceilings and walls, and those too cool to dance, drank, smoked weed, tripped on whatever psychedelic happened to walk in the door, wandered around the sidelines, checking out the bodies writhing and moving to the sounds.

Many a night, around 10pm, I would head out of North Beach, to venture into the Haight, to meet friends who had found a place to dance the nights away. There was always someone willing to turn around and grab a new partner and the stage show, which included dancers who needed some exposure and didn't care who was watching, some good, some lacking that connection to all their body parts, and still willing to just get up there and dance because that is what moved them.

Friends who came to town from all around the world would eventually end up at the I-Beam, during their visits. A few did not want to go because they thought it was not cool enough, however, they eventually got into the energy within minutes of walking in the door. It was a huge place. Not as big as Studio 54, since it did not have the balconies, as did 54, plus 54 was about as mesmerizing one could find in New York, then. Everyone ended up there after 11pm, when I was staying in one of my favorite places on the planet.

I love to dance. I find that men who love to dance are men who also know their way around a woman's body, in a way, that men who don't dance, with passionate rhythm, freeze , at some point, in the explorations and touches which makes a woman want to dance on a bed.

Yes, it is a gross generalization, and I apologize to those men who were not dancers, yet entertained me, on those warm San Francisco nights. But, a man who dances is always a man who knows where to put hands, entwine his legs,  and savor the movements of  his lover's gambols and frolics across their cavorting, mindless, moon-framed tastings of one another.

I want to go dancing with a man who wants to know my body. A man who has that intense desire in his eyes, as he follows me across a floor and understands that sometimes, not to touch me, moves me closer to him, like a panther, stealthy, drawing closer, slowly to its prey, and when I am there, drawn by his swaths of sweat and laconic smiles, he knows the place and moment to touch me.

Is there a dance place in San Francisco, now, that has an energy which draws people away from walls, and their illusions of wanting to touch someone, onto the dance floor? I hope so, as I want to go dancing again while I am there over Thanksgiving. The people I am staying with don't go to those places, anymore. Maybe somewhere in the Mission, for a little salsa, or SOMA. I lived in South America and spent many a night in clubs in Mar del Plata, Lima, Quito and Rio. 2 years of my life learning the beats of hot, South American rhythms with a boyfriend named Luis.

Rock, tango, rumba, jazz, blues, country and Ride Sally Ride pulsed through those speakers, and voices, in those places, I danced at around the planet. One night in Madras, India, some friends took me to this jazz-rock club that was packed with about a two thousand people, and it was hot and sweaty, with beer bottles and filled scotch glasses lined 10 deep, across the 30 bars, scattered through the industrial, 4 story building, with Mercedes and scooters double parked, for blocks around. We danced until 4am and the next day, I was smiling, while napping on a flight to Bangalore. That is a dancing-girl's 4 star night, for sure.

One night in Rio, I was invited to head up into the hills, for a birthday party, for the aunt of the maid who cleaned my room for 5 weeks.

One morning she came into my room, and I was standing on the balcony, with my headphones and bathing suit on, dancing to Black Magic Woman. I don't know how long she watched me, but at one point, I turned and she was smiling. She pointed to my headphones and I re-played it for her, and within seconds she was laughing and moving around the room, dancing, too.

That weekend, she and her brother came to the hotel, and drove me up the steep, Rio hillside to their aunt's home.Until dawn, we ate, danced, drank Cuba Libres (rum and coke), as I tangoed and tangled with bodies who loved to dance. Tired, about 40 of us headed to the beach to eat breakfast and swim, then, lay under umbrellas, satiated, as the sun's warmth flooded our bodies, and someone started playing the guitar and lulled me with the songs of women, love, passion and long, lonely nights.

Dancing slow with a dark-haired man, that night, I felt the passion as heat rose from his hands and our bodies touching, as his hands slowly moved across my back and hips. Something about dancing slow, that moves two people into a sensual, erotic moment, that even as strangers, melt the barriers and a sexual desire ignites for a few minutes. Everyone knows it, we just don't talk about it much.

Feeling Alright and Joe Cocker is starting to wail in the living room right now, and I think I need to get in there with him and do some of that Calypso, Hawaiian hip movement thing that seems to work so well, as my hips and shoulders start moving while typing.

So, if you know a good place to dance in SF, over Thanksgiving, let me know the place, date and time. I'll be the one in dancing shoes, tight, black pants and a smile. Really, if you know a place, send me an email at danise@gmail.com. We don't have to meet; but I want to dance.

Meant for Me, Now

There seems to be little inspiration this morning at 1:32 am, as I wander through my mind trying to figure out what I want to write about in the blog. It could be I am tired, since I spent most of the day with my esthetician having wonderful, healing treatments done on my face and neck. It was time for a facial and some waxing,  and my skin needed a lift.

What I discovered about her is that she loves to read autobiographies. She does not like to read fiction, since it is not "real". She found out I was an author and began telling me about the books she was reading now. She also has a twin sister, born 7 minutes after her. Maybe that is why she likes to read only things that are "real". Having a twin, mirror image of yourself, facing you everyday for 25 years, would seem an unreal, type of reality, I guess. They wore identical clothing until they were both 14.

She never had anyone to compare herself against, during the formative years, as her constant companion was herself, in the physical form of her twin sister. I think it would be strange, as a child to look at your dopple-ganger and not realize, until older, there were differences of the mind and heart all along.

Surrender allows us to face the fear we face before it becomes a reality, says Iyanla Vanzant. This fear of not having anything to write about is gone now, since surrendering to my tired mind finds words and stories that I wondered about while lying in the spa, listening to soft sounds, as my skin was cleansed and rejuvenated.

There are times when we all need to turn off our brains, and for me, the physical manipulation of my body, seems to do the trick. Sex has the same effect, or it should, if it is incredibly great sex. And yes, it is important in a relationship, and for human connections, so don't kid yourself about it.

Wild, crazy jungle-monkey sex is also important and you never really know how someone is going to be in an intimate moment, until you actually are standing in front of one another naked and smiling. Sitting across a table and having illusions about sex, with the person across from you, are very dangerous illusions, unless you can act with a bit of bravado and courage and say, "Hey, I want you. Do you want me?". If they say," yes", ask the safe, healthy sex questions, and go try it. It might be better than the illusions you are both having, about one another, or it could prove to be less so, and therefore, you both know.

Am I getting bolder as I get older? Maybe, and maybe I should just ask that guy in San Francisco, next time we are sitting at a table, with one another, if it comes to be. Maybe he will ask me, however, I think he is scared of something, and it could be too risky emotionally for him since his wife left him for another man, so I am told by a friend, and his illusions about me are a safe fantasy world for him. That was 2 years ago, last time, we ate together. He could be married and with children by now. Just don't know, the way life moves so fast, through all our lives.

I am just rambling now, and it  has to do with time lost, words not spoken, and not being direct about what I want, and expecting him to make the first move. I learned that when I want something, it is absolutely wrong to blame someone else, for not getting it. So, I cannot expect him to do something, that I desired/desire to do, but was/am afraid to do, because I wanted/want him to ask me first.

It is so 4th grade of me, I know, and it is 2:40 am, in the Pacific NW. I really don't care what anybody thinks about me; well, I do, ok. I am aware of my desire to be intimate with him, and equally aware that sometimes a relationship is divinely ordained, and comes along, like he did, and neither of us are ready for it. (I think I need to go to the Yucatan and work off this lust/love thing, by climbing some Mayan pyramids).

There is a spiritual law, that says, you can only have what is for you to have. Nothing more than that will ever come to you, in this lifetime.

I arose from bed, to write the blog tonight, after laughing for 5 minutes, at Craig Ferguson's rabbit-puppet monologue, on his show tonight. Perhaps, what I need is some silliness and laughter. I have not had enough of that lately, and it would be nice to know someone nearby who could help me laugh at myself right now.

This guy, in SF, does that very well, with me, however he never communicated with me, again, after 2008. Maybe, he is afraid of me, or something I represent(red-head, single, female), or maybe, he just doesn't like me because I pushed him over the edge, of his comfort zone, and he had to re-structure his life after his divorce, re-build his business, and find out who he was, after being married for 17 years. I understood that much,about his anxiety and his need to distance himself from me,  however, I still wanted to be with him. My heart works on its own energy pattern, and emits emotions, feelings and depths. Feelings let me know I am alive and authentic. I felt alive around him.

I saw him as a blessing, however, I was not going to join with him in his suffering and fear. He needed to heal and find out what his new position was in the world, as a single man, again. He had a lot to get through, and, I know myself enough to know, how long a process it is, let alone, being able to recognize yourself after the mourning period has passed, and the fear, exhaustion and anger.

The thing about it, is that, there is order in the universe, and the order in which this relationship evolved, or dissolved, possibly, was all based on that universal principle or order. Nothing arrives, before its time comes, and until it is time for it to arrive, we move through the universe patiently, sharing unconditional love.

Is love that scary for us, nowadays? Our lives are so fast, so temporary, in many ways. We expect things, we buy,  to need repairs, and relationships/marriages have percentages hanging over them, that prove a failure percentage rate. I think a lot of statistical figures are urban myths, as unmarried, stable relationships are never reviewed or included in the stats.

I have a hard time with people who run around all day screaming Love this, Love That, and then, when someone tells you they love you, the value is depleted in your mind, since the word carries little intrinsic value, because of 21st century bastardization and misuse of it.

Many people are afraid to love, or speak the words, as if the words had the power, to mesmerize and enslave you for all time. What is it that you give up, when you tell someone you love them? I do not think anything is surrendered in speaking or writing those words. Many times, others are shocked by them, will attempt to dissuade you from speaking them, or run from the cadence of the energy they emit.

If you ever tell someone you love them, more than they love you, your usefulness as a human being, diminishes, with your arrogant dialectic, regarding amount, depth and true meaning of love.

Is telling someone you love them, more than they love you, true? Do you really know the depths of someone's soul? I consider it a waste of breath. Love cannot be measured, and there is no litmus test to figure out a quantifiable numerical equation, to measure the amount of love you feel about someone. If someone told you they loved you a little, would you feel less vulnerable, and more able to proceed into a relationship with them? Ask them out on a date? Lean across a table and kiss them?

No, because it is the words alone, that have the power to create, and that type of power, is an enigma of the heart, and it is sitting within sacred ground, in center of my Being.

I think what happened to me today, at the spa, as old skin was sloughed off, revealing the fresh, new skin underneath, is I entered a new state of authenticity. I saw my authentic self, in the mirror. In doing so, I became able to resonate, more intimately, and no longer afraid, of reaching out to the universe, tenderly, and asking for that which is meant for me, now.

Wonders of Travel

We wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment.  ~Hilaire Belloc

The holiday travel bug has hit. It is time to begin making plans to head to the far and not so far, as I think of friends and begin to make plans for the next 2 months. I enjoy travelling on Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's Day. For most travelers, they are somewhere already. My family all travel during those times, so our times together, to celebrate, occur at odd times across the holiday calendar.

This year, for Thanksgiving, my siblings, parent, and assorted nieces and nephews are gathering for the pies, turkey and various adult libations at my sister's horse ranch on the Olympic Peninsula, a few days before or after our holiday journeys (TBD). We will tell stories and make fun of one another, and since my niece's new boyfriend will be there, conduct the typical family inquisition, expected by any man, if he is wise, who dares to date any woman of the family.

My sister and I are both single, and I dread the day my love is forced to attend the first dinner party with my mother and sister. No, there is still no man in my life, as some of you should know, if you have read the blog, however, I am travelling again this holiday season, and you never know who will pop into your life while wandering around the earth.

I hope that Rachael's new beau understands the fact that she is going to Ireland to the National Stud School, for her master's in thoroughbred equine breeding. It is her plan and one that formulated a few years ago, when the family headed to Ireland to drink and visit horse breeding farms, across the verdant island.

Thanksgiving Day my siblings and mother will be scattered far and wide, across the continent, to ski resorts, Indian reservations and riding arenas. I head to San Francisco to spend a few needed days, of frivolity and flirtatious innuendo, at my dear friend, P's SF abode. We will eat, drink and be ravenous for the feast, of  each other's 2 years, of past experiences.

My suitcase will carry the requisite Alaska Smoked Salmon, who will enjoy the flight across the Pacific and over Mt. Rainier, and down through the wonders of Oregon and Northern California, discussing the amazement of Jerry Brown's election to re-govern that lovely state, once again. He was once my boss, when I worked for the California Public Broadcasting Commission, my last years at Berkeley.

Satellites where my thing then, and designing the new laws for satellite technology allowed me to meet new friends, and attend some wild Berkeley parties, attended by those promoting and designing the pathways and transponders for the new technologies, including meeting a sexy man named Carlos, who adored me for 2 nights, before he departed to the University of Seville. Ole!

Do you ever wonder what happened to those old lovers, of yours? Ever find out what happened to those who weren't but you wished they had been? I do. Lust, food, wine, dinner parties with strangers, coffee houses with friends,  and intriguing conversationalists,  crowd into my experiences, when I trip around the planet.

Travel is fulfilling and memorable,  if you stay in the present moment. I could have a great moment to remember, a new story to tell, or a new love who calls me, upon my return. I just never know, once the door is locked and I am sitting in the airport shuttle.

Since last trip to the City by the Bay was 2 years ago, to see you P, Ronnie, Trevor, Jodi, Tom, Dan, Ellen, Mark 1 and 2, Flip, Jimmy Eyes, John, Darryl, Crain, Margo, Dave, Ger and Pismo, Berkeley Savants 1-14, Dancing Harlots, Gamma Raze, and those who wish to remain anonymous, my hair has grown--a lot. So as not to shock you all, here I am, with long Titian locks. 

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts.  Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.  ~Mark Twain

Déjà visite

(Déjà visite, Danise Codekas, copyright2010)

Seems like I did this once before, thought I, last night, as I looked over 17 books, I had read in about a week. The past month has been a non-stop reading marathon. I read 83 books in 42 days, while drinking gallons of Argentinean Organic Mate, and excusing myself from invitations and long phone conversations. My diet consisted of fruits and shakes, from my apple and pear trees, oatmeal, homemade soups, scrambled eggs, avocado & cheese-filled croissants, garden of life green shakes, and grilled, Greek veggies in olive oil and lime, over lovely halibut steaks.

The books covered everything from mythology, architecture and 18th century erotic fiction. I began reading Latin again, and found Ovid and Hercules leaning over my shoulders, in the late evenings, as Homer argued for political ethics. The need to be home, reading, compelled a reticence not to be away, from the house. I found it comforting not to leave the house, or, if so,  for a short time, only.

I stopped writing my blog. I went to my Facebook or Twitter pages, once or twice in the past few weeks. Anyone else's blogs, fell to the way side, as the desire to fill my mind with information from books, took on a ephemeral scenario.When I began to think I was totally losing it, by unplugging from social media dialogue, and the need to know what I was supposed to be doing in my life now, with no desire to integrate anyone else's life experiences with mine, without guilt,  it became a delicious roll, into that ancient rite of reading books only.

I think I turned on the radio once or twice in a month, getting all my music stimulation from the car radio/cd player when I ventured into the nether world beyond my front door. TV was turned on a few times, at 11PM, to watch Jon Stewart, however, before a half hour of his show ending, the TV was turned off, as I rushed to pick up the book currently being devoured, by my mind.

As I look over my library and purchase receipts from the beginning of September, there are 83 books on my accounts.

The fiction covered genres and writers previously unknown, and fiction, included delving into the lives of Joe Grey and Celtic talking cat myths, to Demeter and Persephone's lives among mortals and gods.

It was almost impossible to write anything, during these last 6 weeks, as the need to consume anthologies, mysteries, scientific discoveries, and Emile Boirac's essay, where he coined the phrase Déjà vu(already lived), written while at the University of Chicago. It was during the reading of that essay, I realized my reading marathon was also a  little bit of Déjà senti (already felt).

I already felt my mind experiencing a new paradigm, previous to the reading marathon, however, all that was missing was the pieces of information needed for the new paradigm to fully engage in my life. A shift in my thought processes occurred at the end of August, as I was faced with the sudden belief I knew nothing about reality and therefore could not write my books. It was not as if all my knowledge had been erased; it was all my knowledge no longer supported my new paradigm, my evolving soul.

The information I needed for the next steps in my life's works, were standing on the edge of my consciousness. The old information is valuable; however, déjà visite (uncanny knowledge of a new place) kicked in the first 2 weeks of September, as my birthday on the 9th, integrated with cosmic energetic patterns which changed all of our lives, at many levels. I knew I was headed somewhere new and would recognize it when I arrived.

It became a race for my soul to grasp quickly new cosmic and cutting-edge advances, in arts and sciences. Information which is currently affecting changes on earth and those who inhabit it. Holding out my arms to gather up as much of this information, including how we are being described in fiction, which exhibits mass conscious agreement, with the fictionalized experiences, based on mass media's largest selling authors, directors, musicians, and artists, demonstrate where are minds are at, and how far they can be pushed into accepting new paradigms, created by others. What about my thoughts without the influence of your thoughts? What are they? What do I think without your influence?

The one thing I know to be true about mass media's darlings, although scoffed at by many literati, is there is something so subtle running through it, which comes from human's movement toward creating the next genetic advancement in our cultures' mass rise, toward higher consciousness and, of course, species evolvement.

My reading of 83 books, I now understand, was my way to kick away from old patterns, old ideas, and even other's ideas found on the Internet, in social and media blogs. It involved a deep need to seek my own understanding of what the current world is becoming, heading towards, from my knowledge of mass communications' sociological perspectives.

To take a macro-sociological view of the world, instead of the micro-infested, blog suffused ideology, which permeates most dialogue today. It was a way for me to simply turn off the over-whelming input to my mind from rock stars, news groups, political activists, literary and movie critics, and the everyday bragging, which most of us seem to under-handedly pass along to one another, through this self-created, indulgent media morass. One which I also, ascribe to, since to do otherwise would leave me with less human contact. We are all social animals, are we not?

I finished the last book this morning, and realized I had It. Satisfied with the knowledge absorbed, these past weeks, where I stopped existing on the Internet, inside of the paradoxical daily life of my past, brought me to a new understanding of what was the next word was to be in the manuscript, and what fears from the past and in the future, no longer existed in my life since a fresh perspective, of incredible optimism arose.

An uncanny knowledge of a new place was there from the beginning of September, my déjà visite. I knew it, and was yet to get there, and arriving there, this morning, as I finished book 83, realized it is a much happier and wiser place, than I had been before.

Don't read this: I am perturbed and depressed

It has been a crazy week. A few hours ago I was in a blue funk. One of those times where nothing makes sense, no one who can help me, and not seeing any thing to make sense of what I am feeling. I can count on one hand how many times, this year, times like this one arose. I am not a sad person and tend to be in a pretty balanced mind-set. Loneliness and depression just do not arise much, in my life. Tonight, though, they really washed over me and there was nothing to do about it, except sit quietly and breath through the anxiety and sadness. There was some anger, too, and a desolate feeling,  of  a lack of  trust, toward fellow humane beings.

It happens to all of us, sometimes. It feels like you are the only one in the world, experiencing withdrawal, and no one is able to re-connect the dots for you. Actually, you don't want anyone around you because you are too fragile, too sad or hurt,. A touch would completly imbalance you, as this is one of those soul searches only you can figure out. It is your lesson.

Life and human actions overwhelmed me, this week, and the reasons for why people are the way they are, at times, caused anger, frustration and a need to withdraw from all interactions.

I lie on my bed, in the dark, looking at the ceiling and say things like, "God, what am I going to do?" or "Why did they do that?".

You all know what I am talking about here. It is a silent scream to the cosmic powers, and another human cannot settle the disturbance in your  soul. It has to be done by myself, by yourself, and somehow, if we are bold and brave enough, we  get up off the bed and do something, to rid ourselves of the morose, anxiety about what IT all means, and eventually, a resolution or universal truth whispers inside our hearts, and I pray, that the truth won't hurt too much.

For the past 4 or 5 weeks, I was selling some gym equipment on EBay and Craigslist. A woman decided to buy it and, she ended up being part of an international internet and bank fraud scam ring. I spent time with the fraud department of the Southside Bank in Tyler, Tx., since the check, from this ring, was from an account of The Overhead Door Company, at the bank.

The wire transfer number on the check was correct but the bank account number was fraudulent, however, it all appeared so real. Fortunately, if some stranger sends me a check for $2,150.00 more, than what the price of my item is listed for, I am not prone to run off to my bank, cash their check, and have a Western Union Money Order wired back to them, the same day.

I verify the check, first, before I hop in car and run up to my bank. Anyway, not to bore you with the unraveling of the scam process, it did involve a few hours of discussion with the Southside Bank's fraud department, my local sheriff, who came to the house to look at the check and paperwork, the UPS Fraud Department, and an hour's conversation with a friend who needed to hear about the "almost got screwed" event, of the week.

In order for someone to fool you, take advantage of you, a good way to go is to create some type of horrific, life event for themselves, so that there is a sense of empathy created between you. In this way, you tend to become more understanding of why a buyer would, inadvertently, add an additional 2150.00 to a check for a 350.00 item.

In this case, the bank fraud scammer emailed  me to say that her mother was just killed in a traffic accident, and she just wasn't thinking. It almost worked, except for the fact, that the note that came with the check,  from The Overhead Door Company, was written poorly, had numerous misspelled words, made up words, poor composition, and incorrect verb tenses. I know that is common with a lot of writers, when they are in 2nd grade Composition Class, however, this was supposed to be a Texas business. Nah...it just didn't seem right.

Their big mistake was to demand (their verb, not mine) that I take the check, cash it, and "immediately" send it via Western Union. The thing was, this woman, never mentioned The Overhead Door Company in her emails.

Up until I opened the 1 Day Air UPS envelope, Overhead and myself had never come across one another. Do I want to run a 2500.00 check through my bank without finding out if it is good? No. Especially, since this woman claimed to not have a PayPal account, either.

Southside Bank's fraud dept. said there have been hundreds of checks, using their bank wire number, made by these defrauders, over the past few months. The FBI is involved, as the checks have return labels, from New Hampshire, the gang member wants the shipment sent to San Diego ( which is probably a parking lot), and the UPS 1 Day Air letter had a point of origin in Missouri. The FBI arrested a woman a while back, who had fallen in love with some guy online, and he had asked her if she could print off his business checks, on her printer. How smooth are these thieves?

Anyway, on top of this little adventure with the internet underground, one of my visiting baby deer was killed tonight, on the road, and left there by a cruel, and hopefully, soon-to-be unlucky person. How could they just leave baby deer lying on the side of the road? Her mother has been in the apple orchard all day, lying on the ground or just standing staring into the forest, and I know she is crying in deer-way. She is sleeping next to the apple tree, alongside the office window, now. So sad.

Things have happened this week, which have made me less enthusiastic about humans, on the whole.

I just needed to write about it all. On top of this, finances are tight this month, and if you happen to have an extra couple thousand dollars, lying about, just send it to my PayPal account: codekas. Now, that would be a miracle. True, money does not solve everything, however, I am depressed and you really do not want to read another blog like this one, until maybe, another 6 or 7 months down the road.

God-willing, the fraud ring will be stopped, somehow. The police officer told me a lot of folks are getting scammed by a group who emulates a PayPal email, telling you their payment from EBay to your PayPal account has been deposited. However, if you check closely, the senders' email address is: PayPal International.com. Totally bogus.

I need to balance out now. Time to meditate. Blessings, All.

Do No Harm

Good Afternoon, Friends.

Thank you for being who you are and grateful we are all on a journey of discovery together, in the cosmos. Do not be afraid today to say what you need to or be afraid to think the impossible is possible. It is. I know from my own experience, anything I desire from my heart is possible.

We forget that we have the power to create, and in that process we must face all fears we have to let go of because FEAR is only False Experience Appearing Real. It is all in the mind and does not come from a place of power and wisdom.

You have to let go of those things which are unsettling you and preventing you to march outside your front door, your hotel room door and know that the moment you do, you can create a new reality.

Reaching out with words of anger and vengeance to another on this planet will never give you the peace you are screaming for now. There is not a single being on this planet who does not want peace and sometimes we have to explore, to speak about those things that are not good for us or the planet. Many times our anger at having been fooled by another's selfish intentions block our ability to walk away.

We tend to pick up our armor and challenge another to examine a person, group or ideology which is not allowing others to be free. Many times, we overlook the fact that it is just a journey, just an experience which our souls needed in order to see what our soul really needs. There is no one on this planet who has the answer to your cosmic questions, and no one who can define for you the path you travel in order to discover the answer. It is up to you.

Yesterday I became angry with someone who wanted to impress their power over me. My natural response is to write an answer and unload my power into the dialogue which will show them they do not have my permission to control me. I am so aware of my freedom, so deliciously melded to the ideology of freedom.

As I thought about the email I composed, and emailed, I realized last night, around 2AM, lying in bed, that I should not have sent that email. I should have walked away from it, let it sit, and let the power of the universe work on re-balancing the energy between us.

The other thing that happened, was that I stirred up some anger, in a person, who read yesterday's blog, and he picked up the sword, and in his blog began to promote the people who presented the workshop, I discussed in my blog, because he is so intimately connected to this couple and ideology. So, we are dancing together in our subtle ways, now, and it is a lovely dance because I love him, as a human being, as creative voice of the universe.

When 2 humans engage in a battle, what is it they are fighting for in those moments? Freedom. Freedom from being entrapped in pain and not being recognized for the incredible human spirit they possess. We always are willing to fight for recognition, not realizing at times, we are always seeking recognition of our wisdom, contributions to the world, and love.

I am becoming more conscious that my ego is losing hold on my mind. The ego, as Eckhart Tolle says, is losing its hold on women more quickly than on men, now. If you want to know why my being is revolted by suppression, and love the word freedom, you need to read A New Earth, by Tolle.

There is an 8 minute video of Ekhart's which addresses a question: Have you ever regretted something you've said? http://bit.ly/4OvlxA 

Yes, I have and so have you however the teaching we give one another, in these blogs and emails, come from a space of needing to learn, to teach one another, and bring us to a new level of awareness. The first thing I realized when I was very young was that I had pain and negative emotions, and I could no longer pretend it did not exist. So, I left home when I was 14 and moved to Argentina, alone, without my family, and began my search for freedom and release from my own wild mind's fears and pain.

I began to see who I was without the confusion of other's pain-bodies around me, and started a journey of seeking which took me to the doors of healers, shamans, Buddhist monks, and those who had come to peace with the universe. I learned how my body reacted instinctively when my freedom was being challenged, and through that began to use my psychic and healing abilities, to help others. After a few years of teaching and working with those who needed my ability as a health regression intuitive, I stopped giving lectures and working with clients for a number of years.

To this day, I am reserved when I hug someone, as I can intuitively recognize where a physical issue is located, and can see what the initial thought was which began that pain, in this or a past life. It plays like a video in my head, and lasts a few seconds. One of the things I needed to learn was how to maintain my own energy and not let the other's affect mine.

The problem I have with this ability, which was evident to my grandmother when I was only 6, is I had a lack of awareness that many times people do not want to hear what I had to reveal about their issue. To look at another human, who I do not know well, and tell them that they need to go to a doctor and have their throat examined, because in a past life they were abused by their mother who locked them away, until they died, can seem unfathomable and frightening.

I have the same ability with animals and will do whatever I can to let someone know that their lovely housemate should be given another type of food or go to the vet. My gift is a blessing in many ways, for those who understand it, and yet, until I learned that in spite of my desire to heal other's, sometime it is not their time or not my responsibility to heal them. They have a path and a soul path which only they are responsible for now.

It was a hard path to understand that sometimes I need to be silent. Oh, and the email I sent last night, I found out this morning, it never went, as it got saved in the DRAFT folder, which I do not remember doing, proving once again, the universe works in perfect harmony, and who am I to question it but another soul, walking the planet, hoping we all have freedom to explore that which our souls require for the next step in the journey.

A few days of rest and horses in on my agenda as I head out of here now. Will be playing with big dogs and wonderful Tennessee Walkers, walking through my sister's forest to her secret pond.

Be well and to those who I have made think about things which could be possible, open your mind and do no harm.

Go To The Source

230PM-Listening to Ants Marching by DMB

I am waiting for the UPS angel to arrive with a magic delivery,  so I thought I would write about a Facebook conversation, I had with a friend of mine, today. 

I love Facebook, when friend's starts chatting with me.Isn't technology wonderful? To be able to communicate from my hilltop above the Puget Sound to a friend on a hillside in California, in a moment surprise? A type touch, so to speak.

When I was working on my degree in Mass Communications, I often wondered, why I had chosen that track. After running into a few great astrologers, the reason was clear, since I am a Virgo, with Mercury as the planet running through my heady life. Mercury is the planet of communications, so the degree choice was not so crazy.

I've spent a lot of time in the field of communications, working from lots of angles, both technological and planetary. Satellite communications, Software/Hardware copyright law, certifications in Microsoft platforms, Cisco Networks, XML development. What interested me was the sociology of mass comm, how and why groups communicate, the societal impacts of those communications, and how do you create them and keep them going, and control mass consciousness. 

Control mass consciousness, sounds very Hitler-esque, however, my question was how did that guy in Northern California ever get tens of millions of people to buy his pet rocks? Do you have a bumper sticker on your car? Do you  have one of the Jack-in-the-Box bobble heads on your antenna? Why do you watch Survivor, Dancing with the Stars, The Super-Bowl Half Time Bands, or American Idol?

How do you make money from them, how do you control the mass consciousness to watch your story, sing your song, and how do certain media angles and products allow me to get the biggest bang ,for my efforts, and  capture the most ratings in whatever media I am using. 

Mandala

I can design a survey, using certain sentence construction, visuals,and diagramming, to get anyone to agree, or at least remember me or my brand. Heady stuff.

The important thing, I learned, is how incredibly important personal contact is on an ongoing basis, despite access to media. Personal touch, personal interaction lead to important understandings about who I am and who you are, and are the most intriguing aspects of sociological communication research. How do we affect one another when we communicate?

My friend and her family are experiencing some challenging financial times, in their lives right now. A mass communication from the cosmos about human sustenance and what is really important to sustain us. We have had abundance, righteous and extravagant spending frenzies, lifestyles of the rich and over-fed ego icons for the past 50 years. 

Affluence, of such a degree contrasting against abysmal, world poverty, the dichotomy of the insane wastefulness against horrendous, global misery, finally, like the tower of Babel,fell. Affluent habits are torn apart, as universal consciousness re-balances the gross negligence of world greed, along with blocking the wastefulness and destruction, of all natural resources , to fulfill outrageous fantasy. Higher wisdom energy created by those who were strong enough now to say, 'enough waste!', began annihilating the imbalance, by re-balancing our use of what is on the earth,with "Just Enough"consciousness inspiring many of us, in order to survive. 

People are learning what "just enough" is to survive now. 

How many wished they had saved their abundance, so that they did not have to work so hard now to survive? 

How many wish they were not living in their cars, because they paid so much for a mortgage, as they wanted to be accepted by those in a higher caste? 

The family, I read about that had 18 big screen TV's for purchase at the bank auction of their home, I felt no sorrow for, as the wife stood next to her red Mercedes, and complained how difficult it was going to be not having her Range Rover, to carry her 3 poodles to the vet, anymore.

I just had to shake my head, staring at those 65" big screen monitors. 18 of them! I know many of you will say, 'well, if she could afford it, why not?'. How about because it is insane? 

Well, my friend and her family are creative, trying to figure out what to do next. They are seeking solutions to problems that are frightening, and exquisitely daring, which will enable the change for a family's lifestyle, becoming a great adventure, eventually. 

Like the Hebrews, leaving Egypt, packing up the sheep and goats, leaving behind the houses and jobs, and heading out to somewhere across the Red Sea and the desert, not knowing where they would end up, what they would do to provide for their families, but knowing it was time to go. Leaving was better than staying, in the fetid atmosphere of freedom-less lives. 

I noted excitement and yearning in her short, Facebook messages as she talked about moving to Europe, the Caribbean or Central America. I could feel the wheels moving in her life, that would be unlike anything they could have imagined, before the financial tremors crept into the day-to-day life of their past. 

I knew they would be well, and in their new creation, which they have total control over,and their new life will be more amazing than they can now imagine. I look forward to that future for them.

3PM -UPS is still not here-Listening to My First Kiss by 30H!3--

She asked if I could head down to San Francisco for Thanksgiving. Told her I did not know, since I am planning a big adventure over Christmas. It would be great to see everyone in SF, however, I am not so quick to jump on airplanes, right now. Sometimes it is just a knowing that my higher self is guiding me and saying, "hey, you will be doing something else then and,wait until the reason arrives". Do you know what I mean?

I just listen to my heart-It is always the best direction, in anticipation of my ephemeral, futuristic adventures coming up. 

Sectarian, myopic analysis sometimes is best left in the past, otherwise you will have no clean slate to write the next chapter of your life on. S

Sometimes the past is better left where it is, like not trying to resurrect an old, love relationship. Usually, returing to an old love still involves the same personal issues and personalities, only it takes a little bit longer for them to arise again. You did learn some lessons from the past, didn't you?

The same fears and inhibitions may not exist for you, yet, they could still be active in the other's paradigm. Sometimes the past memory includes the good stuff, until the bad stuff resurrects, its wafting odors, quietly, softly. You may have both changed, however, you fall into the old patterns ,of past dreams of the relationship, and you dream the old dreams together, until one of you wakes up and sees the truth. Most returns are to settle an unknown, or out of fear of the unknown future.

It is all communication, in different worlds, dreams and fears. It rarely survives between two people, as the resurrection morphs into the ascension before your eyes, and you begin to realize the end has come.

I sat behind a man with two ex-girlfriends, on either side of him, one weekend at a relationship workshop. I went because I wanted to hear men talk about what they were feeling about women and relationships. It was one of the those 'feel-good' workshops, where people, like myself, divulge experiences and understandings about their lives.

The workshop leaders, a couple, filled the room with goody-goody lectures about love and forgiveness, yet, they themselves were cold to some of the participants, when they were not on stage. The woman was very jealous of interactions of other women, with her mate, when off-stage, and also fearful of other women's power. 

It was evident to a few of us women, in the audience. There were people there with current loves and spouses, who had brought ex-loves and spouses to the event, so they could show how well they were able to overcome their issues and, now were the best of friends. There was something very sad about it all because whenever two ex's were talking about their old relationship, one of them was still hurting; one of them was pretending it did not hurt so much to have lost in love and be sitting next to the new partner for 2 days.

It was palatable in the air and throughout the hall. It was very heavy energy, and sad in many respects. 

I asked one man, after he and his ex-wife had spoke about how wonderful it was they had forgiven one another and now were friends, why they had divorced. He got so pissy with me. He said that she had cheated on him. I asked him if he wanted to get back together with her, and he said, "Never, I can never trust her again."

It is a statement which should have been added to their group reveal.  She was high on her current love affair and, I think, was cruel to ignore that her ex mistrusted her. How could you not know know he was still hurt and jealous? Oh, EGO! She was sitting there between 2 men who she had claim to. There was a lot of incongruent love-forgiveness babel from workshop leaders who, at the end of the workshop, declared that their teaching syllabus descended from the Landmark Forum. 

That pissed me off because Landmark from which est training was developed, by Werner Erhard(aka Jack Rosenberg), the founder of Landmark, which was the offshoot from Scientology's, L.Ron Hubbard., created huge international and national legal battles, IRS suits, and was banned from Germany. Erhard(Jack Rosenberg) was portrayed as a wife abuser and child rapist (incest with his daughter), during a CBS's, 60 Minutes show in the 70's. [March 3, 1991, Program#2325]

The daughter claimed that CBS offered her $2mm dollars to say he was abusive with he and her mother, which CBS denies. Large Group Awareness Training are/were workshops developed by Landmark, which were allegedly stolen from the Church of Scientology, and luckily for me, I had studied the Scientology and Landmark issues, after a personal experience, with a Scientology member, in Washington, D.C. Makes my skin crawl just thinking about the mind-verbal controls of both groups.

Hunter S. Thompson called est in Fear and Loathing, “a pricey, psycho-babbling series of long and demeaning behavior-modification sessions that preached the virtue of selfishness.” Pretty much says it. If you want to read a little on the topic, and why it makes me sick to think about being sucked into this 'feel-good' weekend, only to find out that these folks who "created" the workshop, based it on the Landmark/Erhard Warner/L.Ron Hubbard model, check out Tim Boucher's blog and walk around some of his links: http://bit.ly/bwkUs

The problem with Landmark and how it influenced the relationship workshop is both trainings alienate you from your emotions, and responsibility for your actions, just by the re-definition of language terms, which no one but those attending understand as they are assigned new definitions by the organization.

[In Landmark, they seem to focus on the idea that you create the meaning of events. They also go to great lengths to try to teach you that events are essentially meaningless in and of themselves.-Tim Boucher]

UPS, still not here-5:02PM-Listening to Little Lion Man by Mumford&Sons

So, this guy with 2 ex-girlfriends, on either side of him, is now dating one of the ex-girlfriends. Based on the excerpt above, their previous relationship and the fact that they didn't treat one another with respect, is meaningless, because not until they attended the seminar and  disemboweled the events of their relationship, all 3 began to believe that their actions were meaningless, and come up with an agreed upon meaning of what actually happened, making none of them culpable for cheating, and then create a false,goody-goody, I -feel-so-good-because -I- am- not- responsible-for- my- actions meaning, and  you can't blame me for anything mind-set. 

Scientology, est and Landmark has grabbed your mind, repelled your soul and humane ethics, and you start a new, blank slate with no responsibility for your actions, because  you get to ignore the past actions and meaning of events, and get to re-write your history by coming up with a false meaning of the  relationship events that you created. In other words you get a mental lobotomy, and no longer are resposible for the harm you have done. 

Maybe that is why the longest IRS lawsuit ever in the US was the IRS vs Church of Scientology. No respoibility because the meaning of why they did not pay taxes,  supercedes their action, of failure to file correctly. 

5:40PM-UPS-Not Yet Here.

I love surprises. Going to that workshop was a great experience and I shared a lot of my experiences, with perfect strangers who, like myself, had no idea that there was a reused, cult-ish paradigm operating through the energy of that room. Do I regret it? No, since I was reminded again how easy it is to fall into a somnolent state, dictated by feel-good hype and mind-set. In the end, it was a wonderful weekend and, happily, none of my ex-boyfriends were there. I relaxed and enjoyed the stories told and, watched how 2 people were able to contrive a communication incongruity, which failed to provide what the masses needed. It is rare you get to see a massive failure, in a communication environment, of a sociological paradigm. 

I waited a few weeks and contacted some of the people I met there to find out what they thought of it. Luckily, I was encouraged with my analysis, since they all said the same things:"something was missing" and they "felt uncomfortable about the fact that the workshop leaders were hiding something", or,they "were not being truthful about their relationship".

So what is the point to this blog today? Well, sometimes the medium is just a massage, and has a subtle message. In this case, it was a way for me to spend time analyzing some feelings about that workshop. It was also a way, for me, to wait for the UPS truck, which is not arriving today ,because there were weather issues between Kentucky and Seattle. S

So, instead of waiting for "IT" to arrive, do something to pass the time. It all is rewarding in the end, even though the cosmic X-factor is spinning around you. 

So, what did I learn today?


I should have gone to the source of the basis for the workshop, before I flew to LAX. I shall go exam the source of my desire to buy things, before I rush out and buy them. I shall go to the SOURCE, instead of blaming UPS for not arriving today, as the SOURCE controls the weather, and the SOURCE never hides the truth if you are willing to reach for it, even when it hurts. Once the pain is gone, the healing has already occurred.

7:54PM-1 DAY Air Letter to arrive Monday, 4 days late. 
Time to make some dinner and love my garden.
Listening to Vaporize by Broken Bells.

copyright 2010-Codekas

 

My Planets and Stars

You know it has been a good long time since some of the planets, that spin through my astro-world, have been exalted for me. Being a Virgo, I tend to pay attention when the folds of the universe contract or expand. Our lungs, hearts, skin, and even the pupils of our eyes are always contracting and expanding. Sometimes, the universe says that it is time for shifting, to the point of extinction, if the actions and thoughts of my being, no longer serve my Celtic, Cretan, and Merovingian Blood lines' motivations.

Profected Chart_Danise 9/9/2010-9/9/2011

Like a rainbow of galactic M&M's, this month the sky is showering variegated rainbows across the horizons  for me. I have a number of Exhalted positions in the stars, which astrologers love to talk about.

There is even a Final Significator in the chart, which has always been amazing to talk about over the years.

This year, going from month to month, many new things are expanding in my life, because so much star and planet energy is changing above me now.

The walls are coming down, as planets drift away from where they have been sitting, over my head, for the past 7 years, holding me in their movement and light, in order to influence me to understand more about my ideas and life.

I am feeling rather refreshed, and many of the planets will not be back into my chart for many decades, and, even then, they and I will be different, as the changes in me and, the time of planetary and asteroid movement, will be in different degrees and houses of the chart.

ADHARA is my favorite new astrological and astronomical touchstone to study, this week. Sirius is one of the brightest stars in the heavens and ADHARA is one of the other 2 stars, with Sirius, in the Canus Major constellation. My sweet Mercury, one of my major planets, went direct on 12 Sept. and Mars left my 2nd house on 14th Sept, so things are going well.Saturn and Uranus were battling it over my head since 2003, and Saturn left in July, and Uranus will be hitting the road in March. A lot of the challenges I have weathered in the past few years are completed and even Pluto will head direct on Nov. 14, which means my social life will be rocking again.

Saturn has been in my second house for the past couple years, and it only happens 2 or 3 times in a lifetime, and it is moving on now. The last time for my lifetime. To say I am happy about what is occurring overhead would be subtle. I am so happy things are moving out of my orbit now as the past is done, lessons learned and new energy to support my current life and enjoy new projects is here.

Power is being restored and the unveiling of shadows is happening now.New energy waves are lifting my spirit, formulating new ideas and dreams to be realized. My psychic collective well is full and when Venus hits me on 28th October, a remaking of a new persona begins as it provides options to emerge from the shell, like a Botticelli Venus.

I know many of you do not believe in astrology, and that is your thing. But take a close look around November 2, when Pandora's Box opens, in the sky, and all the monsters of the past, all the shadows are exposed since it is the end of a major cosmic cycle of a T-Square of planets. Remember, though, the reasons Pandora opened the box, and allowed all the monsters of the past to fly out, was because at the bottom of the box was the Winged Angel of Hope, and that is a very wonderful thing to release into the world.

I am the Queen of Pentacles, in the Tarot. My mythic astrologer, Steve Nelson, had me pull the cards for every month of my birth day natal chart. So the 1st month, began on 9/9, and goes around the astro houses for 11 months, which tells me what type of energy is running overhead, based on my natal chart, progressed chart and my Profected chart. Lots of good information from Steve, since he is such a master of the charts and skies above, in this 11th house year of my life.It means that I will be formulating ideas to be realized, and drawing from the psychological, collective well and remaking my persona, with the new inter-relationships with people. In other words, my 2 books are getting done. The energy and wisdom and ideas are there for their completion now, this year.

I could not understand why I felt like I was in Limbo, these past few months. Now, looking at what was going on this past year, which was a re-alignment with my deeper self, and removing all the fear and blinders needed to complete these books, it all makes sense. I think of it as a psychological and spiritual vacation, across new ideas which could not crystallize, until the old stuff evaporated, or morphed, into that which it was trying to produce. Deep thought, meditation and release of old ways had to happen before the understanding of the information needed for this book could be written down, benefiting those who will read the books.

Having this energy sent me on a path of not one, but two manuscripts, one fiction, the other non, which now I see perfectly coalesce into one, lyrical movement. I could not write a book about male energy, without understanding the energy of our past, female patterns. Keep an eye on Nov. 2, and let's see what is released by mass consciousness, into the universe, and what thoughts change in you, by Nov. 3rd. Anyway, this is just a rambling about my astrology chart, which will never be clear to you, since I did not reveal all. However, although we walk on earth, we are spinning across the universe at about 22,000 mph. Hold on, then let go and enjoy the dance among the planets, asteroids and constellations of your world.

You might want to contact Steve Nelson in North Carolina. He is an incredible mythic interpreter of life's movements, through the cosmic heavenly dance we are all attending now. You can call him at (704)-375-3759 EST.

San Bruno Disaster - Check Your Gas Lines

Well, another gas line infrastructure, constructed in the 1940's, exploded last night, around 6PM in San Bruno, CA., just 12 miles south of San Fran, and across from SFO. I know the area, since I had friends there, when I lived in North Beach. Convenient run to Silicon Valley from there, and an easy 20 minute commute into SF.

Here's a video of it: http://bit.ly/cQPbBg

Watching the homes and trees burn and burn last night, as it was impossible to turn off  the main gas lines, with 56 houses exploded and another 125 burning, along with cars, and probably bodies still inside, I wondered about my own gas lines running to this house.

How long ago were they originally built and when was the last time I had a Utilities Inspector, from Puget Sound Energy,  out to check my furnace and connections? Never.

A friend sent me a home video, made of the start of the fire, from about 3 blocks away, and up the hill from it. On the video they were talking about the natural gas smell, that some residents had been complaining about for 3 (THREE) weeks, prior to tonight.

Seems a number of folks in the area had complained to the gas company, and the techs who came out to inspect told them to close their windows and keep their garage doors closed. Huh?

Leaking gas in a neighborhood for 3 weeks, and that is the advice they give?

Hmm, what a dangerous and stupid line to take, as I watched the fiery inferno tonight.

One man said he was at the gas station, about 3 blocks away, and the blast was so powerful, the heat from it burned his face, inside his car, and his body felt as if it was about to melt. He raced toward the explosion, as his sister was at a home nearby, and 3 women were running down the street with smoke and flesh falling off their bodies.

He got his sister, put the women in the car and raced to the fire station, for a medic. Then he went back to the neighborhood, as more houses exploded, to help other people who were wandering the street in shock, some with broken arms, faces burned, flesh on fire.

Pandemonium continued as 56 houses imploded from the super fire, of the massive gas line explosions. Explosions--not one, but a number of explosions, could be heard during the night.

Later this morning, if the gas has been burned off, if they can get the gas lines shut down, the rescue teams may be able to enter the homes which hold the dead. I doubt it, since the gas smell was in the air, 2 miles away, tonight. People were telling about how they were knocked to the floor, in shops and home, nearby, when the first explosion blew apart the homes around it.

I am sad that this happened on my birthday. I am happy, though, I did not fly into San Francisco, today. I wanted to go there to celebrate, however, it just didn't feel right. My thanks went up to the big guy upstairs that my sister and nephew returned from SF, last week, after a few days of mother-son bonding before he returns to college.

So, be grateful you are safe, and if you have gas coming into your home, call the gas company and have them take a sniff around, check the lines, and give you peace of mind, because we will be turning it on, as soon as the thermometer gets down into the 50's,  soon.

If you have some extra money, donate a few dollars,  if there is a fund set up, to help all these people, who are living in shelters, or donate it to the Red Cross, and if you are one of my dear friends down there, and you TYPE-O blood, then donate because they are asking for it now. So you know there is going to be a lot of hurt and maimed people.

All schools are cancelled in San Bruno for tomorrow, there is no electricity, no phones, computers, cars, since people ran with the clothes on their backs, as the fire spread and spread.

For those of you who are animal lovers, and many of those pets are now incinerated, the ones that survived have been offered free room and board and food at Petco in San Bruno. So, I will applaud that company for their kindness.

May your day be peaceful and pray for those who died, and those who have lost all they had in a moment. It is another example to be grateful for all that you have and make sure you are on the right path, as sometimes tomorrow does not arrive.

In Lakech and Namaste!

There Are Good People Out There

I was sitting in the woods today, feeling sorry for myself. Why? Because it is my birthday and at one point the feeling of wanting to do more, be more, arose, and I began to feel maudlin.

The frightening feelings began to arise and the need to cry and weep began to touch my eyelids. What have I missed in life? What have I failed to accomplish?

The idea that I should be more than I am now, with more stuff, more friends, more money assaulted my fragile heart, and I began to mesh anger and frustration with the unassailable hopelessness, that arose, that this was as far as I could go now.

I love my birth day. The day I came to earth, through my mother, who is a kind-hearted, generous, woman to her children and friends. She has outlived two husbands and counts among her blessing 4 healthy children, still living, and now 2 great-grandchildren who will outlive her, perhaps.

I have always taken off an entire week to celebrate my birth. This year it is the same, however, today, there is something unusual in my consciousness. There is sadness and hopelessness and a feeling that as I age, those things that are most desired by my heart may never come into fruition. So I sat with those feelings, today, in the woods. I sat with the sadness for a long time.

When I got back to the house, I opened up my emails. I waited about an hour, since the heaviness in my heart made it even to hard to communicate with others, let alone read about other's magnificent lives. I wanted to be morose and wanted to swim in the effusive negativity my ego had delivered in the woods.

It was one of those times when no one can touch your heart to remedy the situation, and there is even a protectiveness that arises in which I did not want anyone to help me up from the floor of the forest to see the sunlight.

I read some emails and wrote back to a friend who sent birthday wishes, however, I am sure my lackadaisical recounts of what the day looked like, will alert her to the ludicrous energy which I allowed to overtake me on my birthday meditation in the woods.

Then I moved over to a blog written by a man who is a well known performer. He writes well and has his ups and downs, like the rest of us. Some days are good ones, and those that are not so good, his understanding and acceptance of them resonates with how I respond to my adventures, after a good ponder.

His words were perfection in addressing my less-than-happy attitude, and not only that, did away with the belief that there were things I could not accomplish, or had not accomplished. He uplifted me from the seat of austere desolation and brought me back to center. My natural and balanced outlook on life returned, and I was grateful for this man who walks the earth, entertaining the world, and those who, like himself, need a buoyant release from our discontented egos, insecurities, lack of faith, and momentary unhappiness.

I once had the pleasure of meeting him and guests who were there in Long Beach, with us, took a picture of us together. I scrambled around to find it today, to remember a momentary meeting with a man who, in spite of the walls, mounted against his success, has succeeded and along with that success, still manages to remember how important we all are to one another, and for that we will always be able to know that when times are morose, there are still good people out there. Thank you, JM.

New Times, Ancient Places

Seems that the day has taken on a whole new energy, now that my birthday looms, tomorrow, September 9. One thing that I love about my birth-daze is that the energy of the day inspires me, especially at 5:35pm, my birth time on the East Coast.

Today is the first day of good Fall rains, above the Puget Sound. Cool weather, grass green again, squirrels gathering for a snowy winter, as predicted by me. I harvested about 120 lbs. of apples, with more trees about to yield  organic, sweet apples, and pear trees are dropping their bounty, too. The plums are holding out for a few more weeks. The deer and rabbits are enjoying apple fiestas, and a new baby deer, arrived with his parents, this afternoon, for a late lunch.

In honor of my birthday, I have decided a combined birthday and Christmas/New Year's present was due. So, I am heading to the Villas Arqueologicas in Chichen Itza and Coba for a few weeks beginning the week of December 19th. Oh, yah!

It is time to meet Mayan teachers, again,  so I have buckled to my soul's call, to head back into the wild Mayan jungle world. I shall be standing on the pyramid, at Chichen Itza, for the Winter Solstice, enjoying the moment in time, with others, as the heavens move into alignment, for the renewal of energies and planets. Afterwards, I will dine at my lovely hotel, with new friends, should we discover one another.  

The training I received in the interpretation of the Mayan Calendar and Glyphs, 10 years ago, involved a serious effort on my part to understand what the return of Quetzalcoatl, in December 2012, will signify, and the significance of the Mayan 7th world ending as the 8th begins a new cosmic energy pattern. The information assimilated into my own life's processions and directions, eventfully. 

I am looking forward to swimming in the cenotes, in the areas around Chichen Itza and Coba, and look forward to meeting the elders, one of whom is an incredible curandero (healer), and another, who will, interpret my astrological chart, according to the Mayan system, with a translator.

 

The visit to Coba, which is the least explored and excavated sites in Maya land, is significant as being home to the oldest recorded Mayan date on a Stela (carved stone). The date is around 600AD.

The site also contains information which allowed decoding of  the Mayan calendar and its secrets. The counting of the cycles begins at 14-16 million years.

The cycles are based on an evolutionary creation which took place 16,861,000,000 years ago.  The year 2012 represents the end of the 7th cycle and beginning of the 8th, which takes us from the planetary to the galactic cycle. There are nine cycles.

Coba is also home to the only Mayan pyramid with rounded corners.

Nohoch Mul is the tallest pyramid in the Yucatan peninsula. It is 12 stories tall and has 120 steps to the top.

 

 

 

During the ascent, of the 120 steps, I will go through the 13 levels of heaven, in accordance with Mayan myths.The Coba archaeological zone has many buildings still covered by jungle, and Coba is over 80 sq. miles with 5 lakes. 

But from the top, of the pyramid, you can view a magnificent span of jungle with the tops of other ruins reaching above the jungle canopy.

The roads built from Coba throughout the Mayan empire, still exist. I wonder if I should bring a bag of bread crumbs to find my way home.

So happy travels to all my friends, and remember how wonderful are the adventures, we have available to us, on this planet.

Paris Hilton and the End of VIP Law

I read the charges, in the court document, of Las Vegas vs. Paris Hilton to find out what the true story was about her arrest, last weekend. Curious about what the media manipulation was doing with information it was feeding the public. One of the claims is that the correct arrest procedure was not done and that it was her ticket out of the felony drug charges.
Interesting that the news media had not read the arresting officers' information in the court documents, for if they had, they would know that Las Vegas Police followed correct procedure, even though they had a VIP on their hands. Had they not been so accommodating, in agreeing to allow her to go to the bathroom to put some lip gloss on, agreed to get her off the street, at her request, because the big bad crowds were frightening her, she could have gotten off home-free, without her cocaine stash and Zippy marijuana roller papers, falling out of her purse, into the hands of the police officer, when he told her to open her bag and remove the lip gloss. She screwed up and she was probably so stoned, and probably had a few drinks, like her drunk boyfriend, she spilled the coke out into his hands. Ha! Karma is a bitch.
After seeing pictures of her Chanel purse, on her arm in France, and her Twitter comments about how excited she was about her new purse, purchased in July, in France, I realized that she was just another celebrity, lying through her teeth, to save her butt from a one to four year jail term.
One thing about Las Vegas, the city fathers like to keep it clean and safe for all of us, who visit once in a while, so we keep coming back.
I saw the size of the little purse, and there was no way she could have missed the coke pack, when she took it that night, since there is no way you could miss anything in that purse. And really, she did not miss it, since she said she thought it was gum.
Thought it was gum? A powdery, white substance? Wonder if she thought if she got into the bathroom, without a police matron escort, she could throw it away? Ha! I loved reading the arresting police officer's report as it clearly showed she was treated respectfully, and beyond the norm that would be allowed for anyone else, except a VIP. 2 standards in arrest procedure are in effect, it seems, in many places around the US. Except, maybe in Mariposa County, Arizona. There the American ideology of, equal treatment under the law, applies to all citizens, and non-citizens alike.
The drug-using VIP's, I consider somewhat worthless individuals, now. At one time there was a certain cachet about their privileged lives. Now, not so much, and more than likely that comes from the 2 standards of punishment assigned for crimes to the VIP herd. Seeing the impoverished enter prison for a couple years, over the same type of crime that Paris Hilton committed, makes my blood boil now. Hopefully, they will send her to prison for a year or two, without being placed in a special, Barbie-type accommodation.
After having spent a few years of my life working in the legal field, I have never gotten over what a Prosecutor has to give up for a Defendant, when the money is stacked against him, even though the Prosecutor and the Defense Attorney both know the accused is lying through her teeth. Paris is guilty.
I declare it, without hesitation, and the idea of innocent until proven guilty has escaped me for the moment, as I listen to the whine of a woman who is doing drugs, been caught or held a few times, in the past few months, and has absolutely no desire to stop her drug use, and feels she is above the law. If one is above the law, then innocent until proven guilt cannot be used as a defense in arguing that people do not have the right to think otherwise.
Of course, Paris will end up in a $30,000 a-month rehab house with Lindsey Lohan, where they can discuss their next reality TV series, and make a few more million dollars on the photo ops.
I really hope that the legal system, and good cops, who do a fine job keeping drunks, like her boyfriend, and drug users, like Paris Hilton, off the streets and out of nice hotels, like the Wynn-Las Vegas, do a great job in getting them off the streets for a while.
Kudos to the police officers and handling the situation in a humane and upright way. Book 'em, Dano!