copyright 2012 by Danise Codekas
2 days after selling most of what I possessed in the world, new things are being added to my empty coffers. Specifically, new brakes, differential fluids, and lubricants for the Subaru engine which will deliver me most comfortably, and safely to somewhere in the Southwestern US.
A going away present from my mother, the brakes will be appreciated, since Bremerton Subaru has me wondering why my rear brakes wore out before the front ones, which are pretty near perfect after 105K miles.
Some things cannot be undone in my life. Many of the circumstances which created the situation I find myself in now, took decades to foment their eventual result. My head is tired, continually, for the past 2 weeks, as tension about selling my stuff, moving across states which I've never driven over, in high heat, and 1600 miles, away form the brisk Puget Sound and all that currently is known to me in the universe, here in Washington State.
There are about 12 boxes, packed, stored and awaiting me to choose what things will share that car with me as I drive away, soon. Some of those things that are in plastic, 30 gal. garbage bags, like tapestries, hand painted rugs, and my Three Dog Down duvet, which I drove 1,000 miles for in 2 days, to purchase from the 3 Dog Down Factory in Polson, MT., one fine September, a few years ago. It is coming in the car, and hope it enjoys its seat in the back of the station wagon.
Since my unplugging from all that was my life, for 20+years, erupted into something larger than just a new location or a new employer, many of the friends I have spoken with are also having transition eruptions occur in their lives and hearts.
My friend Tom jumped on the chance to drive off with me, and fly back on SWAir, so he could have an adventure, share driving, expenses and those great road trip experiences and conversations that pop up in the middle of the night across a dark, moonlit sky south of Sedona.
Friends, who I am visiting in the Southwest, are exploring new job searches in locations with a bigger, livelier vibe to them. Another friend relocated to Alabama, and loves living in the mountains in the city with the highest number of PH.D's in the US. He has found his tribe, there.
The route keeps changing as friends who I hoped to visit, like my friend in San Francisco, already have their apartments booked with, visitors or friends, of roommates, are already committed to playing flamenco guitar, for their bed space in the Divisidaro living room.
Since I lived in Argentina, flamenco guitar has never been for from my heart, and watching some of the best in the world play, while living in Buenos Aires and Mar del Plata, I know the value of a sexy, flamenco guitarist hanging out around the house. Really wanted to go toe-to-toe with the magazine guy who never spoke with me again, after he told me he was taking a 19 year old to Sea Ranch for the weekend. He was 48, and I had fallen for his bad boy LA ways.
Darn! I forgot that honestly expressing feelings about a man, to him, without a clue, whether he even knew how to spell my last name, is a big stupid thing to do. No, he never asked me out. Chickenshit is what someone called him. I guess he was, or, he just wasn't that into me. More than likely that was it and how does a woman who is not 19, compete with one, who is? Maybe he wanted a baby mama?
Oh, well, there are bad boys in Santa Fe, aren't there? Like I have time with looking for a new place to live, working on the book, taking photographs and finding a sustainable community to spend enjoying time with now.
I do not know what to tell those of you who are calling me crazy, brave, or lost touch with reality.
Whatever, your reality is, and I do not care at this point, anyway. Yes, it is crazy to rip apart my life, release anything which would require a 40 foot moving van to transport, and walk away from all that has been recognizable to my psyche and emotionally manageable.
Yes, it is brave of my to walk into the unknown, without a net of any great width, to catch me when I fall, falter or fail. I am learning something new about myself , driving onward on this quest which was brewing inside of me for 2 years now. Everything that has led up to this is a well executed plan of the universe for my edification, awareness and upliftment.
It is an answer to a prayer, subconsciously murmured by me, for a few years. be careful what you think and dream about now. The time it now takes for reality to replace your wish or illusion desires, rapidly diminishes in length of time to activate, arrive or appear before you.
Be very careful how you wish, pronounce or curse those things, dreams, people you want now. Life does not exist in a vacuum and anything you want now, whether object or human or animal does not occur until you sacrifice something which makes a space for that desire to be placed into.
I was asked to sacrifice and release, 500 books, 80 works of art, crystals and Tibetan tankas, 300 pieces of clothing, 100 pieces of furniture, 1 Hong Kong Black Lacquer and Copper Bar, a house above the Puget Sound, friends of 20 years, 300 Cd's, 50 pairs of shoes, 100's of office supplies, incredible mesa pottery collected over decades. And the list can go on.
I did not sacrifice the necessities, the beautiful the sacred objects which provide my balance now. Too many things I can no longer remember, since a week has now passed from the moment I wiped away things which served me well, and their purpose being with me.
You will be asked to sacrifice also, however, you should know that a week later, I am relaxed and happy it is all gone. I do not have to house it. Now, all I have to house is me.
Some of you have asked about the handmade guitar which was designed for me by those 2 famous Mexican Guitar artists, from Playa Tijuana. No, I did not sell it, not that I did not try, however, some things are meant to be with me a while longer. Since guitar appraisers, said it is a fine piece of art work, with the mother of pearly, amethyst and hand carved body. It, has a new place to be, also.
I know life is changing everyday, as do you. Once I began to look closely at what and who was around me, and what had disappeared from my location, my mind, my activities in the Northwest, I knew that a new directional signal had infiltrated my internal compass. For me, it is a personal apocalypse, of great magnitude, if things, objects are your gold standard of life.
What is important to me now, is not what was important a month ago, a week ago, last night. Change I am. Who are you today? I see many of you changing, wishing you could abandon the life you are creating by not being able to unplug due to fear, possibility of your unknown life awaiting.
And those of you who are calling me, begging me to push you into doing what I did, I am here for you, however, your way of disengaging, releasing and the reasons thereof, are different from mine. Know that we are all being challenged to be honest with ourselves and everyone around us. If you lie to yourself, no one will be able to tell or show you the truth about your Self. No One Can.
“The apocalypse is not something which is coming. The apocalypse has arrived in major portions of the planet and it's only because we live within a bubble of incredible privilege and social insulation that we still have the luxury of anticipating the apocalypse. If you go to Bosnia or Somalia or Peru or much of the third-world then it appears that the apocalypse has already arrived.”-Terence McKenna
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