Full Moons and Memories

(c)2011 Danise Codekas

Well, the only time I have never been interested in other people's loves stories has passed since viewing one of the most maudlin, pitiful video please by a woman, plucking her guitar and singing her new song to her ex-fiance. I cringed while watching her sing about how he told her he would always love her and he just can't love her now. Oh, we have all been there, I know.

If you have a heart, and are relatively interested in a relationship of love, as many of us have been raised to pursue, we have all embarrassed ourselves in short term, long term or one-night stand relationships, at some point in our lives. I certainly don't like to talk about my screw ups, and you probably don't either.

But, we are human, after all, and we will dabble in love, seek love and destroy love as we try to understand who we are, what we need, and how to maintain love with other humans.

What have you done, that still makes you cringe, in a relationship? It does not matter how old you were. I screwed up when I was in second grade with Eddie Heffren. That is how early I started on my embarrassing memory collage of men who I wanted and could never get them to look at me. See me, hear me, feel me, touch me-ism from The Who's, Tommy.

I even sent a love letter to a guy, once, and, he of course, never replied. He never even asked me out on a date. So what do I do if I EVER see him again? It could happen. The world is not all that big and the way the energy is rolling around and changing everything is all our lives and dimensions, now, I am going to be up shit creek if we ever end up sitting across another dinner table from him. I guess the thing is to just bring up the letter, tell him I feel stupid, and maybe next life time, I will re-incarnate with that wisdom, some women have that they can read a man's emotional availability.

I was not born with that DNA gene. I also missed the one that some women have that allows them to be able to flirt and get men to do anything they want for them. I totally missed the flirting gene in this incarnation. I wonder if women always remember those embarrassing moments with men. Do men?

What about those broken marriage engagements? Huh? What's up with them? Yes, that happened to me also. He and his family broke it off, and, no, I do not regret it, now. it sucked when it happened, however, the universe had other plans for me and him, and I like the journey since that happened years ago. I like my journey. It has been meaningful and important.

Writing under a full moon. It is right here shining through the 14 foot high, 12 foot wide window next to my writing corner. Thanksgiving is coming and this is going to be an incredible season of celebration for me.From November 22 through January 7, I travel, visit friends, celebrate, mourn those human relationships that no longer exist, and look for a face in a crowd, or on a beach, or plane, that could be that face which will become important for the next part of the journey.

I am alone on this journey and this year it seems that understanding dwells deeper in my soul's paradigm, than ever before. There is no sorrow about this. It is not loneliness. It is knowing the solitary journey on this planet was always the model. Finding those to walk along with me, being with those I care for, those who inspire, and cause laughter to erupt from within my solitary soul, is easier as I accept this incredible journey I chose through all the minutes of my life.

Love full moons that bring me into the depths of heart and soul and wildness. I am going to learn how to make goat cheese for Christmas.